We’ve all done it once

Put our trust in them

Said it would never happen

Lips are sealed

Yet when the visit is over

And we are driving home

A little voice is whispering

Maybe we should have  been still

Our nerves begin to rumble

Our stomach begins to ache

Those were so important words

We  try to shake our fears

Tell ourselves all will be alright

This could never happen

A leak within cement

We walk around our kitchen

Preparing for supper time

The phone rings and we answer

It is our neighbor saying hi

A visit is planned

We put the coffee on

We answer the door

We try humming a song

Sitting at the table

Meaningless words are being said

Then the bomb explodes wide open

The trust we had is pricked.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd







Daily Prompt; That’s Amore

Daily Prompt; That’s Amore

http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt

Think of your longest relationship: describe how your love has changed over time, did you go from the giddiness of infatuation, to mad passion, to deep respect, esteem, and friendship? Tell us about your love story.

I am sorry, I don’t have that beautiful story to tell about long-lasting love. I was married and immediately went to Germany. My…

View On WordPress

Daily Prompt; That’s Amore

http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt

Think of your longest relationship: describe how your love has changed over time, did you go from the giddiness of infatuation, to mad passion, to deep respect, esteem, and friendship? Tell us about your love story.

I am sorry, I don’t have that beautiful story to tell about long-lasting love. I was married and immediately went to Germany. My husband was in the military. Through the years we had three children. We bought two homes. Life seemed good.

But for us, in time, things changed. Priorities seemed to shift. Drifting seemed to appear and before long people and things got in the way. It seemed the word Divorce, which had never entered my mind, was suddenly consuming my entire soul.

Pain, hurt, anger, and separation took over. Children who were innocent were being pulled in different directions. New decisions were being made, feelings were torn, tongues became thorns and life was as I had never experienced.

Through this time in my life I learned trust was not a strong word in my dictionary. Self-esteem was dropped to the lowest. It took a long time to  heal from this and still today, many years later, there are soft spots that I try not to dance around.

I am thankful that I still have my children’s love. I am thankful that I truly loved once. I learned at that time that there is no Fairy Tale life and we live reality each day in our lives. The burned feelings seem to remain somewhat today as the trust that was singed,  still remains.

I want with all my heart to find a good man today, but I am sure without realizing it that little word trust jumps out at me each time. I try to shove it down and realize that there are many good relationships out there in the world. I just need to keep my eyes and heart open and believe.


#FWF Free Write Friday; Trust



I didn’t have it

I lost it all

When he took my heart

And broke it against the wall


Hush little girl

Don’t say a word

This won’t hurt at all

Nothing will be heard


I swear I will get you

You stupid _____

I don’t know why I married you

You give my finger the itch


Abuse comes in many forms

Age is not a number

The fear I give to you

Will be alive in slumber


Years go by and we grow old

Our bodies turn to rust

The only thing that remains the same

Is the constant lack of trust.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd


Bedtime Thoughts


I couldn’t go to sleep my brother

Until I spoke with the only other

One who is watching over you

The one who watches all you do

Who sees your pain and your tears

That fall and you do know I’m here

For you for dear brother I love you so

I try so hard so I can show

You that you are never alone

My light is here and it has shone

For your eyes to see

Love flowing from me

Before I close my eyes tonight

Please look above and see my light

For my heart is holding yours do dear

Please close your eyes and do not fear

I will be with you again we will sit and eat

I will help you in and out of your seat

I will wipe your eyes with a gentle hand

I will always listen even though I don’t understand

I promise you as I lay my head down to rest

You are my brother and you are the best

Please dear God watch over him tonight for me………………………….

Terry Shepherd


#FWF Free Write Friday; Writing Wrongs


I found this quote yesterday and posted it to my Facebook page. I liked the snarky feel of it and so did a lot of others. So I thought it would make for a great prompt! Here is your opportunity to vent. A chance for you to ‘write the wrongs’. Share a time that you have felt wronged or treated unfairly, either by way of a situation or another person.

Many moons ago I saw the smiles in  different shapes of  the  face staring down at me in the night of the skies.

I always felt better when someone was smiling along with me. It brought more confidence throughout my soul.

Then one day things started to turn. I would glance up at the starry night and search for the smile to reign over me. It was becoming more difficult for me to find. Mr. Man in the Moon knew things before even I did. The stories are told in the stars as each twinkling light became dimmer in my eyes.

How devastating it is to be the last one to learn of betrayal. The joke is on me. The wide grin from above is portraying a signal that I finally hone into.

The forever love arrow has been twisted as it stabs in my heart. No matter how I twist or turn it remains embedded  in one place. Fairy tales are bursting at the seams as I realize the lies being spoken eye to eye are stretching from river to oceans.

Where were your eyes as I looked into the heavens? Were they resting upon another? Did you seriously mean to throw me to the ground with mistrust and turning love into hatred? Could you not see the tears in my eyes as I listened intently to each of your woes? Searching your heart; longing to be held once again.

The years we spent together, memories creating my own book to be only tossed to the seas. For yet another will pick up the tear-stained pages and write his own book.

Words I spoke sending messages for your ears only. Only to realize that your amour was shielding you from the truth. You chose to turn your back on me. You walked into another’s arms. You held her as you did me. Words you whispered to me now enter her heart.

Visions in my head cause my emotions to explode all over the duvete. I walk a way with my head held high. You will never see that the twisted arrow has now broken off only leaving a point of no return.

You chase your dreams. For a few moments life seems to be smiling in your reflection. I struggle to forget; to move forward. I look up into the stars one night and I see you smiling at me.

For as I have finally made my mark on this earth your life comes tumbling down around you. The twinkle in my eyes match the brightness of the lights. You had your chance you fool. There never was a blade of grass that is greener on the other side of the fence.

Now I walk with head held high. A bounce in my step as you whither slowly to the ground. Your soul turns brown as a dying weed. May you always look at me with desire. May your mind explode with memories of the past.

I look a way from the man in the moon and tuck my arm inside of his. We lean into each other and kiss passionately. Then he opens the door and we walk into our bedroom; a new fairy tale to create. New chapters being written of you and me.


English: Replica of a Viking Dagger by Sid Birt

English: Replica of a Viking Dagger by Sid Birt (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is one time I am surely using this posting, blogging thing to try to force myself to stand up. I am crying even as I write, and the events of yesterday are still clinging to me like a wet bathing suit. I have no idea what I am going to place on here for words, I just know that my heart is in my big toe, and I feel like the heart that holds everything in my life as value has been ripped out, stomped on, and shredded into a million pieces.

Surely with the help of getting out what I can for the public eye to read will in long-term help me. Yesterday was bad, terrible, just awful. The law was involved twice for bad behaviors from Al. Humiliation, embarrassment, also showed its presence  and although I never asked for nor invited it, it has stuck my side all these hours.

Al acted up, acted out, showing the bad side of him. We all have bad sides, right? We may not talk about them here for all to see, but deep inside, we each have a tiny bit of us that is bad. We are sinners, according to God, so we have to have a bit of bad. We don’t let others see this if we can  help it, but then there are times that some do not care who is standing by, nor do we care if others are listening.

Words were thrown like daggers, all coming straight for my heart, some actually penetrating me and causing so much pain, I felt my emotional part fall out of me and hit the ground. I have yet to find it, for I believe it is hiding from me, sitting in the background laughing at me.

When you love God and you try to be that good person who your parents would be proud of, and your community, family, and friends would be proud of, you are tested. I often ponder on how many times do I have to prove myself to God that I still love him. I asked God last night what is it that you are trying to teach me, in order for these testings to leave. By the time I closed my eyes, I had outwardly stated, the hell with God, I can not take this any longer.

I wanted to pack my feelings and get in my car and run. I could not do this, the responsible side of me and the love of my brother and my children, kept me attached to my bed the entire night, and it was very hard to climb out of bed this morning, because I didn’t want to have to look at anyone’s face that was even slightly familiar to me.

I was tested and I don’t even know at this moment if testing is the right word I should be using, but what ever it is, I was put through this torture once again later in the evening. When I thought the worst was behind me, and the quietness was finally surrounding me like a home theater system, the daggers came at me once again, but this time they were double-edged daggers because these were shot at me like speeding bullets from people I have loved my entire life as a mother, and I fell to the ground once again, and I saw these strange, familiar faces, kicking my spirit, and trying to stomp the life out of me.

It was so painful. I was rudely awakened to the reality, that the ones you have loved the most, the ones you depend on the majority of time to love you back, to be supportive in ways no others can be, in some circumstances can pass themselves off as strangers walking the streets in my own city.

When you get to be my age, one of the few things you do not want to happen, is to have your past brought back to the present. None of us are proud of some decisions we have made years ago. We make our decisions according to our circumstances we are going through at the moment. Sometimes, we end up making the right choice, and then there are others, we are ashamed of the choice, and somewhere down the road we realize it, and we fix it, but we do not want to be reminded of it in the time of our lives, where our children have grown up and are raising their own families, and we are sometimes forgotten that we exist. What we built our lives around, having babies, and wonderful Christmas and holiday memories, are just that, memories. We try very hard to still find our usefulness in the world, as we sometimes are thought of only at the holidays.

I am not stating this for all of us. Some of us have fantastic lives. We married the right man, we have wonderful children, we put money on hold in the bank, and we travel and enjoy ourselves in our retirements, but then there are others like me, who have not been so lucky.

I truly have tried my very best to do the right things for Al, to be a good mom to my children, and I am constantly fighting to reach heaven’s door. God has heard my prayers of pain and crying out. Praying that he takes my emptiness away, and that the hurtful words and ugly actions I was exposed to, I pray that God can somehow use my experience to help someone else.

Like I said in the beginning, I had no idea what I was going to write, but I do know that I wish a few of you lived closer, because as the Golden Girls always say, I need a group hug.