Washington DC | Who I am

I have a pain in the pit of my gut and my heart is hanging around my ankles. I have to tell Al some disturbing news. On the flip side I am trying so hard to realize that I have heard all good news. I am doing everything right.

Everyone on the government level is looking out for Al’s best interest. So I am having mixed emotions at this very moment. I don’t want to sit down and cry because it will do nothing but give me one of those headaches that hang around my neck like a sore thumb until I sleep it off.

The meeting went fine. In fact I would say the representative and I hit it off fine and it was a piece of cake. I had all the documents he wanted here.

The bad news that I have to tell Al, is it is still going to be a month to a month and a half before the services take effect.

This rep has to enter all of the data given from the two meetings today. He stated he was swamped with work and it will take him some time. Then he has to send it in to the State and they have to check to make sure all is in order.

This small list of things to do can take so long. It is out of my hands now. I have done as required. All is finished. Everyone signing on the dotted line is now up to someone else to do in a timely manner.

I can deal with it. My heart will heal. Al could come home on June 1, but there would be no services for him. He wouldn’t get to go to the Day Program. I would not receive any help with his care here, he would just sit and stare at the TV, just him and I.

I see that for him, at least in the facility he can still socialize with other residents and staff. He can still go to the Day Program through the disability program. He can still go play Bingo.

I just dread the pitiful face I am going to see when I tell him not yet Bud. I do know that have learned from this tragic mistake of mine. Don’t take anyone’s word and set it in stone. If only I wouldn’t have told Al what others have told me. He wouldn’t have to go through this disappointment.

Can you love somebody too much? To the point that you can feel their pain and live through their emotions? I guess so, because I am right now.

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/too-much-pain-and-too-little-money/55964