It Hurts So Bad


 

 

It Hurts So Bad

It hurts so bad

When you turned a way

My love is torn

My heart did crack

My soul reflects

Through tears of pain

I could never love another

There’s absolutely no way

I will remain here forever

Holding tight to what

Was once a dream

I say a silent prayer

You find what you

Are looking for

And when you see clear

You make your way

Back into my arms

For I will always love you.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

11.18.2014

Together, You And I


Jerry Mathers and Paul Sullivan

Jerry Mathers and Paul Sullivan (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Being a part of the blogging world for nine weeks now has made me see how small most of my problems are in life. I used to think that I had the worst life of anyone. I have a step-sister, that I don’t think I have mentioned, and if I have it is a rare thing. She is totally opposite of me. She was born when I was ten, so there is quite a big difference in age. She is into things I have never been around, and I don’t party, where that is her main life, but she is a half-sister, so she is family. I have read where some of you bloggers also struggle with acceptance and rivalries with siblings also. When I was growing up, I watched the top shows in my life. Leave It To Beaver, I Dream of Jeannie. The corny shows, no swearing, no guns, just comedy, laughter and fun. I knew that this was the kind of life that I wanted to have. I wanted a Leave It To Beaver family. I think I had it for some years when I was first married. The children were born, husband worked at a very respectable job. I was a housewife. I had a best friend that had remained from seventh grade all the way to my ripe old age of 36. I didn’t attend church much. Oh we went sometimes, but mainly when there was a special event, like Mother’s Day dinners, where mom would get tickets and asked my daughter and I to go. I lived in a fairy tale dream. There is no Leave It To Beaver families anymore. If there are, I have not met them. From some of the blogs here, I have discovered that I am not the only one divorced. I have learned that husbands and wives can and do cheat on each other. We are even entertained by obnoxious shows like Jerry Springer, just to help remind us of the craziness we all live in. I hate the show myself, but I will admit, it can be entertaining, and provide a good laugh, if you are having a depressing day. My mother used to tell me that there was no such thing as depression. She said it was not accepting our lives for what they truly are, and wishing for something different. She told me that if I was depressed, I should dig more in my bible, and get my rear end to church. Mom was a strong woman, who lived through her Bible. Her views on life were simple. Believe in God, and all falls into place.The other thing that irritated her was the talk shows where there was always a psychiatrist available. She thought this was a rip-off of people’s monies. She would state to me, if you need help, read your Bible and pray for healing. Today, years later, I realize that she had a solid look at life. Our family was no different from mine now, or yours. We live in different states, have different cultures, causing us to do things a certain way, but, we are very similar. Did I want to be a rich person? No, not really. Food on the table, and bills paid, was always my motto. I see where Donna Summer passed away, and of course it was the same for her as Whitney Houston and all quite a few other rich folks. Money, sex, and drugs. Why in the world would you want to be famous? So you can fit in, be popular, be photographed, live in a mansion. Maybe the cheating attracts them,being needed and desired? Enjoying such a short life, as drugs are introduced, so that you can stay awake during all of your travels, cure insomnia, calm the nerves, and die early? No, I don’t want this life that they have. I don’t care if I am seen on TV or not. They also have the same problems we do, just magnified. I have found a few ladies on the blog site here that I wish were my sisters, for real. Their love of life, compassion for others, the involvements with their children’s lives, is what draws me to them. I have even went to the next step, and have actually spoken to one of these ladies over the telephone now. This puts a closer connection for me now, as there is a reality of the other person being real, not just a blogger. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could pick up the phone and talk to each other also, or does that invade on the privacy issue, for fear if we knew each other through a voice, we may not be able to blog about our fears any longer. Some of us, including me, blog about personal things, realizing that no one is ever going to really know us in person, so it is safe to blog about anything we wish. I have thought about my blogs and the things I say about Al and me. Everything I have ever written about our family has been truth, and yet when I actually spoke to a live blogger, I suddenly realized they could see my failures. I am a failure in my eyes as far as my looks. I always wanted to be a skinny Minnie girl who men wanted to gaze at but I am not. I don’t think God wants us all to be skinny. He just wants us to love him and love ourselves, and to be a healthy home for him to live in. Yes, I have learned much from bloggers. I have my struggles, just like you do. Mine is different from yours but similar. Always about life, love, acceptance and rejection. I don’t feel so bad anymore. I have a community that loves or at least respects my life I live. I have children that love me. I have God in my life, who is there anytime, if I just reach out to him first. What more could I wish for? Nothing. We bloggers are all leading lives that lead us down one of two paths. We either are striving to end up sitting beside the good Lord in the end, or we aren’t. That sounds pretty simple doesn’t it? It is a proven fact that the closer we walk towards God, the more tribulations we are dealt with daily. Being a Godly person is not easy. It is filled with decisions and rejections and battles, but in the end the price of going through the wars is peace. We are all striving to have this aren’t we? We all want our battles ended with peace. We are all different, unique, live in different areas, but we are all similar, We all want peace, and acceptance and to be loved. We have this, right in front of us. A lot of us will see each other one day. We may not recognize each other as that blogger on WordPress, but we will recognize each other as brothers and sisters.