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I Am Still Standing

I live in such a small speck of the world and yet news travels quickly from within these walls. A…

I Am Still Standing

Posted on October 24, 2013 by Who I am

I live in such a small speck of the world and yet news travels quickly from within these walls. A good example is I was telling you I am a wreck. I guess Len said it best this morning, I am sort of a control freak.

I don’t mean that I have to control your life. I have to control what is going on in my own home and this means Al‘s disease too. When I can’t help him, when I feel helpless it freaks me out.

The phone rang earlier and it was the Hospice Social worker asking if he could come pay a visit to Al. Of course I said yes. I told him Al was asleep and not to feel bad for waking him up. Al sleeps most of the day a way so he will go back to sleep, which he did after Chuck left.

It turns out that he was observing Al and I didn’t realize it but he was observing my actions and expressions. Word had been sent through out Hospice and the nurses and doctor knew Al was beat and I was exhausted.

Chuck visited with Al while I changed Al’s sheets. Chuck asked Al the normal question, ” how are you doing?” That’s all it took, those few words and Al was out of control. The tremors were bouncing off the walls. His tears were flooding and his words were I want to die but God won’t let me.

He got so emotional I just sat down on Al’s newly made bed and let out a big sigh. Chuck observed Al for a while and listened as well as he could. You can barely understand Al anymore between his tears, tremors and soft voice.

When the visit was over Chuck told Al, ” You are a lucky man. You get to live here at home with your sister. Do you know where you would be if she wasn’t taking care of you?”

Al shook his head yes.

” So we are going to give your sister a break. Tomorrow after you get home from Day Program, I will send the ambulance down here to pick you up so you can have your very own vacation and get spoiled rotten by the nurses and the food. You are going to the Hospice House.”

Al asked, ” do I get to come back home?”

” Yes, you get to come back home.”

” Alright I will go.”

So someone heard, someone responded, friends from Facebook prayed, WP friends prayed. I get a break. I get to sleep some of this stress off. I will be rested when he comes home and be able to be a good caregiver and sister to Al through the next chapter of this illness.

I don’t know exactly what time he will be picked up, but from what it sounds it will be around 6:30 tomorrow evening. He will stay for five days and then return home. Thank-you for being my angels, my dear friends. This is tough, it is the worst I have lived through for so long, but I am still standing.

One of the Hardest Things To Hear (terry1954.wordpress.com)
A Day of Drifting (terry1954.wordpress.com)
Weekend With An M.S.A. Patient, My Brother (terry1954.wordpress.com)
One of the Hardest Things To Hear (annjohnsonmurphreeauthor.wordpress.com)
Three Good Days, M.S.A. (terry1954.wordpress.com)
Mooning about with the Unknown (there may be a painting in there somewhere too) (theartofmakinglovewithgod.wordpress.com)
Control Freak? You try it, then! (littleschoolinthecountry.wordpress.com)
I Might Be a Control Freak… (rawinsideout.wordpress.com)
Things I can and cannot control. (camilledelksthoughts.com)

Daily Prompt: Personal Space

Posted on May 4, 2013 by Who I am

To what extent is your blog a place for your own self-expression and creativity vs. a site designed to attract readers? How do you balance that? If sticking to certain topics and types of posts meant your readership would triple, would you do it?

http://dailypost.wordpress.com, Daily Prompt, DP, Daily Post

My blog is probably read by some that I wish it wasn’t. But for the most part I am free to write not only the surface truth, but the real under the gut truth.

On this blog you are reading on, I write about Inspirational Stories. I hope that some may reach your heart and cause you a smile. Others may bring a tear. Yet there are some who may even relate to what I am writing about.

This blog has allowed me to face facts about people in my life. I have learned to quit feeling so bad when I feel like I am non-existent. I don’t dwell on things as much as I used to.

I have learned that I have something others enjoy. I am not saying I have talent or am a wonderful writer. I think I speak in terms that get my point across and I am definitely not big on long words we have to seek the dictionary for.

I have been able to write a book on here. From what I understand from my Editor, it is about ready to become public. I have ventured out a little and have started on a second book and even a third.

I don’t have a title for the second book. It just goes by chapters for now. Many of you read this one and the third one that is about my brother’s life journey. Writing the last book has been very difficult.

I have had to go back in time and find reasoning for why I feel the way I do or try to help Al through his Parkinson’s and his locked up mind.

This blog has been a teaching tool for me. I have learned more from writing about myself and Al and people near and far then I could have learned from any therapy book.

I also have a blog attached to this called Quotes,http://quotes4meandyou.wordpress.com

This section of my blog has taken a while to take off but it is steadily growing now.

I have one more blog that is linked to these two called, Music That Calms Me. http://mymusicthatcalmsme.wordpress.com I love this site as I can share with my friends all over the world. There are songs that I adore but other countries have not heard of the titles. I can also play them myself when I am in the mood for relaxing music.

I usually keep this music blog for relaxing, but there are some faster music and orchestra plus oldies.

So you can pick up News Week and find out all about the politics you don’t always want to know. You can pick up a current Woman’s Day and read all the trendy things going on with other women our age.

But when you come to my blog, you can pretty well kick off your shoes, get your favorite drink and sit back and listen to the relaxing music, read a quote, and then dig into my short stories. I hope I keep things interesting. I don’t want to bore anyone. The facts are though that my life revolves around my brother, Al, and getting into people’s hearts and souls.

Yes, this is all my space. Mine alone. Even a divorce can not take it a way from me. It is like my purse. My purse is something I never let a child or husband get into it. It is like going to the bathroom and leaving the door open.

So would I stick to one topic that I wrote because it drew hundreds more guests? I think at this time I would have to say no. I have just been learning to accept me for who I am and what I represent. Why would I want to go and change things now after I am able to look in the mirror and say hi and I see a smile reflecting back at me?