Ah, The Hell With It


When you look in the mirror
Do you see horror or do you laugh
Do you recognize the person
Or do you feel you’ve been given the shaft?
 
When you crawl out of bed
Do you do it with ease
Or do you stop and fumble
Feels like falling to the knees.
 
If you rolled up your hair
And put make-up on your face
Do you think this would help
Make you feel part of the race?
 
When you go potty first thing
Do you look at your skin
Have you noticed the bags
That hang from your shins?
 
When you slip into clothes
Do you go for the look
Or do you put clothes on for comfort
Like a fish on a hook.
 
When you turn on the TV
And you see those faces
Does it make you want to go out
Buying up all make-up places?
 
I went through my stages
Of trying to keep up
Now I’ve decided to be comfy
And quit wondering what’s up.
 
Written by,.
Terry Shepherd
terry
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January is Gone


t’s been a rough month
Words spearing my brain
I’m actually glad this month’s over
Now dreaming of rain and Spring.
 
Spring is all about new
New hope and answered prayers
I know God listens to my words
Because he is everywhere.
 
On the other side of the coin
Sadness can fill my eyes
It’s so close to my brother’s passing
When I was forced to say my goodbyes.
 
From this day forward
Alvin will occupy my mind
Still seems like only yesterday
He and I had so much time.
 
Our days are filled with goodness
Our nights can be like hell
I just have to remember to be thankful
While God teaches me to sit a spell.
 
It’s hard to not be guessing
What tomorrow may or may not bring
Will we still be like this morning?
Can time really change everything?
 
My faith is what I carry
In a bucket wrapped in my heart
I have to remember to refill it
Until this earth I depart.
 
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
 
Dedicated to life and my brother, Alvin Miller.

It Has Come the Time to Get Going


Wow, did we here in Indiana have some crappy weather this past week. We made new records for cold. Today, finally, the temps are above zero. I went out and cleared the knee-high snow from my car and started it. It felt almost like Spring.

 

Life has thrown me some curve-balls of news in the month of January. I, for one, am so thankful January is over. February will be better, even the groundhog did not see his shadow. Monday we are to be almost fifty.

 

I have been thinking about this winter and how it is time to do something. I have lived in my little part of the world two years. I want to go somewhere for a couple of days. I can’t afford too many people because of running into me and knocking me down. Hey, I can’t help it. I fall easily. I also don’t want lots of noise on top of noise. I want relax.

 

I love that word. Relax goes with calm, smile, breathing slow and easy, little stress. Isn’t it a lovely word? Without much money, what can a gal do with my thoughts? Any suggestions? Oh, by the way, in case you wonder, I live in Indiana.

 

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Be Thankful for Today


Even the dog doesn’t want to go out to do his business. Instead he prances at the door and then runs the other way when I turn the door handle.

Yes, this is that sort of day. I’m not going out. It is too darn cold.

cold

See? I told you it was cold today! Yesterday, I decided to go outside and start my old clunker before this cold set in today. I did get it started. It was a slow start, but turned over. The snow was completely frozen. It was so bitter cold, that I only managed to scrape the windows and one side door. I just couldn’t take standing out in the wind.

Last night, my ear started hurting and today, I am doctoring it myself. I get earaches easily and thought I had my ears covered well, but maybe not. If it doesn’t get better by Friday, I will seek medical help.

I wouldn’t be able to get to the doctor today anyways. I am not chancing getting out. These are the days that it seems babies are born and unusual injuries happen.  I remember the Blizzard of 77 here in my town. A snowmobile had to bring me diapers for my son. I had run  out, so yes, today I am staying in.

I have been inside for this entire week for the most part. It is a time we can let ourselves become droopy if we let feelings get out of control. I can remember when school was dismissed at times when it was not scheduled. I was thrilled. I loved having my kids home. We just went with the flow kind of day. Today, it is just me. I tend to sleep more and remain in my P.J.’s more.

I used to feel bad about not jumping out of bed and guilty if I didn’t get dressed right away, but who really cares, but us, what we do inside our home on a frigid day. I can say that although m living area is not the ideal living situation for Senior Citizens; I am very thankful for the roof over my head today.

Cities surrounding me and my own town  have set-up facilities for the homeless because of the cold. It is so  hard for me to say or type the word homeless. We shouldn’t have this in our town. Warsaw is supposed to be the biggest Orthopedic Capital of the world, but as you can understand from my post, not everyone works at these companies.

The temperatures will be very close tomorrow as they are today. Friday we are supposed to rise to fifteen degrees. Hey! It’s above freezing! Monday we are supposed to climb to the upper forties.

I will finally be able to go back to my volunteer job plus I have an appointment with a medical place to get special shoes made for my feet. Hopefully this will help me.

So where ever you live, what ever the temperatures, no matter how long you have been trapped inside, remember, it could be worse. Be thankful for today. Tomorrow is not promised.

In My Dream


I keep seeing you in my dreams
Not long ago, we were face to face
Spilling our feelings, sharing our hurt
That was never a dream.
 
Through a different set of eyes
I see things in a different light
In my dreams you have become real
Is this a dream?
 
We talk, you have held my hand
You rocked me in your arms
You cried with me, felt my pain
Was this a dream?
 
Night after night you visit with me
Did I open the gate?
Did you hear me cry out?
Is this a dream?
 
Written by,
Terry Shepherd

A Tease of Snow


Today is the tease before the storm here in Warsaw, Indiana. This weekend we are supposed to get 3-6 inches plus. This is what the weather on the news is posting. I had an opportunity to be a passenger and go to a doctor’s office in another city with a friend of mine.

I had my phone camera so took some photos so you could see our tease of snow.

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Why Don’t People Follow the Rules?


Hello my friends. Today was not fun so far. It sleeted overnight and I had to go to the doctor for lab work. It wasn’t fun and I drove like a turtle. I kept thinking, ” you all go around me, I don’t care.”

 

Afterwards I went to work but there was no work available so I drove back home. I have to go back to the doctor’s this afternoon for my results, hoping the roads will be better. When I came home, someone other than who lives here, had parked in my spot. This is a private area parking and usually when this happens, someone from a business beside me is parking in my spot.

 

I have to get out of my car and go up several steps and go inside and ask who is parking in my spot. Someone always raises their hand and says they were just going to be a minute. I tell them, it’s private, and for them to park on the street. They usually laugh and ignore me. Today was worse though. The car didn’t belong to the business next door and I had to end up parking in front on the street. A lot longer walk for me and I almost fell twice. I talked to management and they said they would look into it.

 

Why can’t people follow the rules? Why do they think they are special? Then to pretty much laugh me off. It upsets me because I struggle to walk anyways and on top of ice is worse.

 

It seems that a lot of people don’t follow the rules. Children killed near me because someone didn’t pay attention to the school bus arm and was on their phone instead. People killing others. People killing school kids.

Using illegal drugs. Buying guns underground. Stealing, cheating. I could go on and on. Why do these people do these things? It’s so frustrating to me. I’m not perfect by far but I try to follow the rules.

 

This world is suffering. Our government is throwing tantrums. This is a great way to kick off 2019, don’t you think?

 

masks-we-wear-image

 

 

We Are Here for a Reason no Matter the Age


As most of you know; I have been a caregiver for what it seems half my life. I have a deep desire to care for others. I like knowing that I had something to do with how they feel about themselves and life.

 

Since I have become disabled myself, it is hard to have to look at me as one who needs help. I received my Life Alert pendant and machine yesterday. It was very simple to hook-up and now I wear a companion around my neck. When I am cooking or taking a shower; it is nice to know that I really am not alone any longer. A push of a button sends help if I truly need it.

 

I help people on my Facebook. I try to continue to educate those with M.S.A., but I miss actually getting out and going to help others. We sometimes believe that when we grow older; life will really not change that much. The only one who could possibly change is ourselves in our health.

 

This isn’t true though. The people who we invite into our lives, their lives change also. Sickness comes, money problems, loss of some type; life continues on and this allows me to still be of help at times. I friend of mine is in a health crisis at this point, and once again, I am going to be able to help out with some caring experience.

 

I ask for prayers for my friend. Prayers for God to enter their heart. Prayers for healing. These are the two most important issues I can think of at this point. So if anyone believes in prayer, please remember me in them.

 

terry

And How is Your Wednesday?


Hello my friends. Wow, you should have seen me this morning. I drove with both hands on the proper position of the steering wheel. I probably drove right at the correct speed limit. Why did I do this? It was the first, actual day of winter weather I drove in for 2019.

 

I have a much smaller car and my fear has grown each year of driving in the snow. I am sure I could have made a great poster child for driving “Winter 2019.” Not only was it causing me to be more cautious, I was forced to turn around at a certain area because of road repair. I had to go all the way around to get to my destination and I also got stuck by a train going through. Thank goodness my patient was graded an A+ today.

 

It is cold out too. Lately we have seen more Fall like temperatures but today the high is supposed to be 25 degrees here in Northern Indiana. We really don’t have much snow to talk about. I can see the grass peeking through the snow. Many have been upset by the lack of snow.

 

I live in an area where there are many lakes. Winter activities have been placed on hold while waiting for the white stuff to fall. I haven’t minded at all. I don’t like cold and I don’t like driving in snow either. I have to admit though, while sitting at my living room window and watching it snow; it was pretty.

 

I don’t have a lot on my plate for today. I have some meat cooking in my crock pot for supper. I cleaned yesterday and have no great energy for cleaning today. I am just enjoying my afternoon now and ready for what the evening brings.

 

I’m going to go to another subject now. Sweating, I know, it sounds gross doesn’t it. I remember back when my brother was still here with me. He had MSA and it caused him heavy, no not heavy, I would say profuse sweating. For about three months now; I am so over-heated almost daily.

 

I think I even mentioned last week that I still have my air-conditioner on. Last night was the worst night yet. I woke-up at 1 a.m. I was sweating so bad, I was soaked all over. I jumped up out of bed and thought to myself; this must be my sugars. My numbers must be low. I checked it and it was fine. I can’t help but wonder if I am going to have some of my brother’s sweating issues. I go to the primary doctor next week and I will bring it up.

 

My brother had a neurological disease and I have one similar to it; so I can’t help but wonder what is going on. I’m also going to see if Medicare will pay for me some diabetic shoes. Last year they would not after having covered them for years. I was told that because of cut backs, my feet had to be deformed. I am really struggling this year with my feet. I don’t have the pads on the bottom of my feet due to Diabetic Neuropathy. My feet feel like they are walking on cement floors. They hurt, so I’m going to ask again. I hope they can help this year.

 

How is your day going my friend?

 

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The Long Month of January


Hello my friends. Well the holidays are over. No more stuffing ourselves with Thanksgiving. The change purse is dry from Christmas and now we here in the northern part of Indiana wait.

 

What are we waiting for? Well, some are waiting for the usual snow we have plenty of by now; but it  hasn’t arrived. I’m sorry, but for me, less is more. Now that I am older, snow is my enemy unless I’m sitting inside and watching the flakes fall.

 

There are lots of comments being made. No snow in December or January is a promise of over-load in February and March. I don’t know the future. I will have to deal with what is given me; but for now; I am fine.

 

January is the longest month of the year for me. It always has been. Maybe it is because it is long and boring. No real holidays in it. The back to the normal groove thing returns and the days tick down until a lot of people get their tax refunds. At this point of the government shutdown, who knows when those tax returns will happen.

 

I saw a post on my Facebook a bit ago which stated,”Count the Mondays.” I got it immediately. I suppose if you live in the southern part of the country,  you may not understand but up here, if you can count the Mondays in the long month of January, it will promise to get you closer to Spring.

 

February is a time when I will be thinking more of Spring. The farmer commercials will be posting on the television. This is a good sign that Spring is coming. I will be starting to watch for the Robins to reappear. When they arrive, it means that there will not be so much snow that they won’t be able to find food and shelter and Spring is near.

 

Animals say a lot about your weather. Have you ever watched the squirrels gather nuts for winter? On bad winters, you will still see the squirrels in early December, storing nuts. The Catapillars, the ones who crawl so slow and have beautiful colors, these creatures turn a dark black if our winter here in Indiana is going to be a vicious one.

 

As for me, I have been fighting something for four days now. I don’t have a temperature or aches and pains, but instead, I am nauseated anytime I eat. This circle includes a trip to the Ladies room no matter how little or much food I put into my mouth. I have lost four pounds in four days. I am glad I am experiencing this during our winter months.

 

I don’t get out much in the winter time. It’s too cold. Aged skin cracks and burns. Eyes sting, and the thoughts of playing in the snow are exchanged for will my walker get through the snow and ice. Here where I live, that is doubtful. There is not sufficient cleaning in the parking lot so there are many grooves of ice. I just don’t want to fall down at this point in my life. I do go out if it isn’t too cold or snowing and go to my volunteer job. I try to go twice a week during the winter and I will go at least three times per week or more in the warmer weather.

 

I didn’t go to church today. This matter of my stomach is just a little too much to deal with during a church service. I do have one thing to look forward to in the month of January, 2019. My daughter is coming for a visit. It’s been quite a while since I have seen her and am looking forward to a visit.

 

Another thing I am looking forward to is; my insurance is covering the expenses for me to have Life Alert for my falls. It will bring me comfort knowing I am now not alone here in the apartment, or too far away from a pull light, or definitely when I am taking a shower. It will be worn on my wrist and if I fall it triggers the alarm company. If I don’t answer the second chime, this tells the company that I am not alert. I believe from what the company said, is that I will receive my wrist band and plug in box in five to ten days.

I know this is not a big deal to most but for someone as unsteady as me and who lives alone; this can be a real life savor.

What about you? How do you get through the long month of January?