Dust in the Wind


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DP, Daily Prompt

Have you made your bucket list? Now’s the time — write about the things you want to do and see before you become dust in the wind.

Bucket list? No, I have not. I think the bucket is full but I can’t see what is in it. This has made me sit here for a few moments and ponder on what it is that I would like to do before I kick the bucket.kick the bucket

Now that my birthday is tomorrow, I am worrying more about what will happen to me. I was a mommy more than an employee when I was younger. Now that I am all alone the pay back from not working too much is at the bottom of the bucket, says the government.

I worry since my son will be moving farther away who will cut my grass with my bad feet? Will I be able to pay the person? Will I run into any outrageous expenses? You see, if I get to thinking about too many what ifs, I will drive myself nuts. The next best thing is to put the worry list in God’s worry bucket and let him deal with it.

So taking away the worries leaves more time to ponder on the happy thoughts. Hmm, let’s see, hopes and dreams of filling the bucket at least half-full.

I would love to go see some of my blogging friends. I would shop til I drop if I went to see Vivi. I could watch all the beautiful birds if I went to see Julie. I could see with my own eyes what Al sees.

I could have tea with Ute. Go antiquing with Sheila. There are just so many  people and things to do I just want to see at least part of them before I sit my big butt into that rocking chair.rocking-chair

I want to teach the world to sing? No, not really, I want to teach the world about MSA. Too many people who don’t know anything or very little. Of course neither do I, but I do have seven years on many doctors in the MSA  category.

I would give anything to own an older but well running VW bug. I learned to drive my first stick shift in Germany many years ago. I was hooked on those adorable little cars.

I wish I could find a walking partner so I could get out more. I love to take walks but not alone, I am a big scardy cat. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know the answer.cats

I would love to go camping again if I  had someone to go with. I love to fish also.

I hope that I get Al’s book done before anything happens to me. I am working on it almost every day. It is going to be called, I think,,,, Al, his life and MSA.

So these are just a few of the toppers I can think of. You have to realize I am not able to think deeply yet. I just had an invisible brick thrown at me yesterday. Maybe I had been in shock land, I don’t know; but it hit me that I will never see Al again. Wow, what a blow to my mind. I started crying and pretty much have cried most of the weekend. Thanks to many that I spoke to with over the phone until wee hours in the night.

Maybe when my brain is more clear and the tears begin to fade a way I can come back and read this again. I bet I will make some minor, or maybe major changes to that bucket list.

29 thoughts on “Dust in the Wind

  1. I think for now you should take things one day at a time and not worry too much about what will happen when your son moves. You also might want to keep a list of fun things you want to do when you get a chance, just to help you focus on fun and the future. There amy be options for mowing. For one idea is that one of my neighbors didn’t have a mower. He borrowed mine and mowed both out lawns. That was what helped me after my son moved away!

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    • Wow, that is a fantastic idea. I don’t know how to mow and don’t want to learn with my bad diabetic feet. Maybe I can find someone like you did! I am still trying to grasp the word fun. It hasn’t been in my vocabulary for years, but I am trying to think what would be fun. Thanks my friend

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  2. Hey Terri, get more fun things in that bucket. Think outside the box and think of things just for you. Have you ever been snorkeling, scuba diving, bungee jumping, riding in a sidecar? Lots of adventures out there to kick start your love of life. My bucket list includes a “Gathier Musical Cruise”. Just give it some time, let yourself recover and then start reaching for the stars. We love you!

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    • Linda, those things sound like fun for young people, but I would kill myself, LOL. I can’t imagine me doing any of those. I never even thought like that. I am so used to helping others, I never think of helping myself. I have never been on my own bucket list!!! Big hugs

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  3. Bucket list for me is simply taking one day at a time and getting out a bit with my camera hoping to find a new treasure to make into a memory through my camera lens.
    The future will take care of itself and when you get there it will all work out one way or another.
    Hugs

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  4. One day at a time Terry. On the whole … no what ifs…… live each day and enjoy each day as it is always a new gift! God will provide. Having tea with you sounds great Terry, and I can mow your lawn too and have more tea afterwards…… Visiting my dear blogger friends whom I have grown to love and to cherish is also on my bucket list!
    Missing Al is normal and you can cry anytime also on my shoulder. Big hugs Terry!

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  5. I don’t have a bucket list but I have 50 things to do before 50 some I will achieve others will stay dreams but they don’t have to all be big ones, you mentioned you want a walking partner, it might be an idea for you to look at getting involved at your local church, not only would it get you out of the house and allow you to gain comfort from those who share your beliefs but you might actually find someone there who shares your love of walking and photography who you can go exploring with

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  6. My bucket list is simple.. Wake up everyday and try my best to live each day as if it were my last. Treat others the way I want to be treated. Be a blessing. Write everyday. Laugh lots. Tell my husband and my children how much I love them everyday. and don’t take things to seriously or get all annoyed when things don’t work out as planned 🙂

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      • I love the fact that you reminded me that even though there are so many things I would like and sometimes convince myself I need, if I’m truly honest with myself I have a wonderful bucket full of dreams already for which I am truly grateful.

        Love your wonderful blog, keep up the great work and God bless you lots today and everyday 🙂

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  7. bucket lists can be fun….but the trouble with bucket lists are that they distract us from the blessings God has already given us….soon, we begin to consider the “what if’s” instead of the “what ares” I used to make bucket lists…but since my stroke….I just can’t get into making them anymore you know? If you lived close to me….I would come mow your grass for you! 🙂

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    • Oh how kind you are. I just love your comments. Yes, I agree, bucket lists are about the what ifs. It is more important to actually count on the today. Thanks so much

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  8. Hello My name is Robyn and I believe I was guided to read your post about your friend Al…the bucket list is a great thing also..and Happy Birthday!…yet I came into your blog to talk to you about what would be the most important to you…I just got out of the movie Heaven is Real…and I am here to tell you ..it is!!…I had a near death experience when I was 4 years old (fell in a dry well) and until yesterday… I never felt completely right about sharing this ( which I will post on my blog today)…I heard God when I was in the Bliss of the light (heaven) and I rested in his arms…you see the love I felt was indescribable…and the beauty I saw entered me..It was bliss…I saw my dads grandmother…and she guided me to our family…I sat with them in a circle of angels..and I felt that I did not want to return to earth…yet God told me I was not done…so I came back into my body and woke up in the hospital..having been stripped of fear… I felt no pain…I saw my Grandfather with paper dolls outside my window with my baby sisters and I felt I was ready to go home…They called me the miracle baby…yet it scared my parents to talk about such things…so I did not talk until I was much older what happened to me…My Mom never really attended church..so she was the most afraid..so I kept this experience mostly inside…so today is my birthday of sorts.. as I share with others… that they will see there loved ones again…as I did when I was still in my body…YOU WILL SEE AL… and hold him in Your Arms completely healthy…I was sent back to comfort people about this..and I finally feel I can speak about this…so please feel comfort about what I am saying…God wants us to LOVE as if we are already in Heaven (I call it the light)…Our home is inside us.. where God rests…and we are all Gods angels… my tears flow.. to think that I am finally sharing the message God gave me…ALL IS WELL…There is nothing to fear…Even if you want to keep this message private I understand…Yet I was guided to tell you we ALL go back to being young vibrant and healthy…there is no death in the light…only eternal.. ageless..and timeless..this is a wonderful time to be on earth that this message can be shared..go see the movie Heaven is Real…if you can have a friend take you…you can share with them..what I shared with you…I LOVE YOU From MY HEART to YOURS Robyn

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    • This moved me so very much. I so hope to see Al, my brother and my family some day and recognize them. Reading your precious comment brings me hope while I trod this place called Earth. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for talking with me. Hugs

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      • Oh Terry I am so grateful I found you…you move ME…I was just crying with God tears all day… that I could share that with you… it filled my heart bigger than you can imagine…I want to serve… by touching the hearts of others..and I think we did this for each other today… Yes I was able to see my family…and so will you… I just know it!! Heart to Heart Robyn
        I will stay in touch on your blog…as I feel your inspiration and heart are huge as well! I sure hope you could make it to Maui Some Day!!!

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      • I am very grateful you took the first step and introduced yourself to me. Chat with me when ever you feel like it new friend. Big hugs

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      • I will and have shared about you to others as an inspiration.. Thank you! If you get a chance to check out my posts I would be honored as well!

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  9. I wanted to say ((their))loved ones..yet I also know that my proof reading is a bit of an issue..I am sure it did not matter…Heart to Heart Robyn… Getting the courage to write on my blog now

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