It’s My Party


You’re throwing a party — for you! Tell us all about the food, drink, events, and party favours you’ll have for your event of a lifetime. Use any theme you like — it’s *your* party!

I would be so excited during the planning stages. I would rummage through recipes that would be easy and yet look like I worked myself to death making them. I would go online to party supplies and pick out the best my money could afford.

I would draw on paper the way I wanted tables and seating arrangements made. I would go to neighbors and ask to borrow tables and folding chairs.

Whew! With all this done I would then begin to spread the word. I would tell my family, blogging and Facebook friends my plans. I would smile big and the excitement would be heard in my voice.

I would definitely be waiting for RSVP’s to start coming in so I knew how much food to purchase. Of course I learned years ago that if you want fifty people to show up; you need to invite 100, and of course I had done this.

The days would be counting down. I would be going to the second-hand stores. I would be buying little trinkets, vinery, anything I could find that I thought I could put together with my brain-thought and hot glue gun.

While waiting the clock ticking down I would be busy doing the crafts. Pretty candles in glass bowls with colorful marbles in the bottoms. This would reflect the light of the candles and give off a soft glow.

This is the theme I would be working on, soft, and relaxing. My party would be filled with people who knew how to share stories. Those who grabbed life by the horns and saw the positive in each day.

Different ages would be among each other so we could each take home with us a different view other than our own. Huge, comfy pillows tossed around on soft blankets would give some the option of being more relaxed and ease the formality of just walking in and taking a stiff, hard-back chair.

This has been great fun. The planning, putting together, the food menu. It gets me really going on motivation; but the days are now down to three days, then two. Tomorrow is the big day.

Weather expected, 70’s and full of sun. I couldn’t ask for anything more. But yes, I could ask for one more thing. It isn’t good enough that all the invites replied back with an affirmation. It wasn’t  enough that I could ask for no better weather prediction.

I knew the food choices I made were top-notch. The music I had picked out to play in the background was perfect for the theme. No, the one thing I needed to do yet, was something no one could give me but me.

The problem? was myself. The night before the big party I was sick. Sick from worrying. Wondering if I had done everything right. Going over my wardrobe, trying to make sure I had picked out an outfit that wouldn’t show my fat off.

Checking the wrinkles on my face. Hashing over how much I had changed since my younger years. Would I compare with others my age? Would people whisper behind my back about my looks, or food I chose, or the decorations I put together?

I could go on and on and on. My insecurities were much bigger than the planning stages of my party. All I wanted was to get together with all the friends I had made during the days of blogging. The many friends that had stuck beside me through thick and thin during Al’s life here on earth. My children would be here so my friends could finally meet them in person.

I had succeeded in this and yet I was killing my own happiness by worrying about something that was needless. While everyone had arrived, and the music was playing, food was being eaten, pillows being sat on, I was in the bathroom throwing up and missing the entire event.


13 thoughts on “It’s My Party

  1. Oh i want to come and give you a big hugs and tell you what a wonderful person you are.
    And you are a wonderful person cause Granny says so.


  2. That party sounds lovely and I would love to come. Your quote at the end though some it up, that is what you need Terry. Believe in yourself, you have done so much in your life you didn’t think you could do, you are strong and a wonderful person. Love you!


  3. Pingback: Haibun Thinking: Week 15 – April 29th 2014 | Haibun Thinking

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