Dust in the Wind

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DP, Daily Prompt

Have you made your bucket list? Now’s the time — write about the things you want to do and see before you become dust in the wind.

Bucket list? No, I have not. I think the bucket is full but I can’t see what is in it. This has made me sit here for a few moments and ponder on what it is that I would like to do before I kick the bucket.

Now that my birthday is tomorrow, I am worrying more about what will happen to me. I was a mommy more than an employee when I was younger. Now that I am all alone the pay back from not working too much is at the bottom of the bucket, says the government.

I worry since my son will be moving farther away who will cut my grass with my bad feet? Will I be able to pay the person? Will I run into any outrageous expenses? You see, if I get to thinking about too many what ifs, I will drive myself nuts. The next best thing is to put the worry list in God’s worry bucket and let him deal with it.

So taking away the worries leaves more time to ponder on the happy thoughts. Hmm, let’s see, hopes and dreams of filling the bucket at least half-full.

I would love to go see some of my blogging friends. I would shop til I drop if I went to see Vivi. I could watch all the beautiful birds if I went to see Julie. I could see with my own eyes what Al sees.

I could have tea with Ute. Go antiquing with Sheila. There are just so many  people and things to do I just want to see at least part of them before I sit my big butt into that rocking chair.

I want to teach the world to sing? No, not really, I want to teach the world about MSA. Too many people who don’t know anything or very little. Of course neither do I, but I do have seven years on many doctors in the MSA  category.

I would give anything to own an older but well running VW bug. I learned to drive my first stick shift in Germany many years ago. I was hooked on those adorable little cars.

I wish I could find a walking partner so I could get out more. I love to take walks but not alone, I am a big scardy cat. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know the answer.

I would love to go camping again if I  had someone to go with. I love to fish also.

I hope that I get Al’s book done before anything happens to me. I am working on it almost every day. It is going to be called, I think,,,, Al, his life and MSA.

So these are just a few of the toppers I can think of. You have to realize I am not able to think deeply yet. I just had an invisible brick thrown at me yesterday. Maybe I had been in shock land, I don’t know; but it hit me that I will never see Al again. Wow, what a blow to my mind. I started crying and pretty much have cried most of the weekend. Thanks to many that I spoke to with over the phone until wee hours in the night.

Maybe when my brain is more clear and the tears begin to fade a way I can come back and read this again. I bet I will make some minor, or maybe major changes to that bucket list.