Hello my Extended Family, Yes You

Coming home from my daughter’s house was the hardest thing ever. Walking into a quiet home was disturbing to my soul. No sounds from the air mattress machine. No Hospice or caregivers. Just me and my thoughts.

I couldn’t take it. Too many stabs at my heart and too many tears so I had to make a change.

Starting yesterday, I painted my living room. Today, I painted my bedroom. My living room had not been painted since I moved here two years ago. This past fall I took two walls and put up that new paneling that looks like lime stone bricks. Yesterday I painted the third wall the color of the cement. It is a very pale chocolate. It warmed up the room and brightened the panel boards.

My bedroom was white and now it is pink. Somewhere between a soft pink and a pink, pink. It took me all day. I guess because I am getting to be older. Paint a little, take a little break, but it is done now and I am proud of what I have done. We shall see how my muscles feel tomorrow morning from having to pull out furniture from the wall and moving my bed from one wall to another.

Tomorrow, I am going to the room I have tried so hard not to walk into. Al’s room is the last room to paint. I bought an antique, light yet warm peach color. This room will always hold memories of everything that has to do with Al, but now it will also hold a part of me too.

It will be my antique room. There will be two, three foot lit Christmas trees. A rocker that I inherited from my girlfriend. My mother’s cedar chest. Of course Al’s TV is still there. All of his collection of cars will remain where they are. The many coca cola framed photos will come down and I will replace them with my Victorian children framed pictures.

Al’s big coca cola clock shall remain hanging and other pieces he loved so dear. For now the rest will be placed in his closet until I decide what to do next. I am looking for a short, old-fashioned couch to place in there. The idea is to walk in and feel warmth and vintage. I can watch TV or DVD’s or sit in quietness and enjoy the lit trees. It will always grace Al in my mind but since we are siblings, I figured why not add a little of me too.

I wanted to add a piece of information I learned today. The debt of the Social Security check is now been relieved. The treasury department interceded and stopped the payment to Al’s account. Therefore there is nothing to pay back.

The nursing home debt is still waiting and I am trying very hard to save monies back for it. I want to thank each of you that have donated to the debt on Pay it Forward. Thank-you so much. Every little bit is helping, let me tell you!!!


Also, I want to thank anyone who has purchased my first book, Dahlia. It seems people are purchasing it through Amazon.com. I can see the purchases but I can’t see who buys it, so thank-you. You know who you are.

Dahlia front cover

15 thoughts on “Hello my Extended Family, Yes You

  1. Hi Terry,
    As difficult as it is, you have yourself pointed in the right direction. And with your hundreds of fans out in the world of internet space, you have warm love, hugs and support coming at you from hundreds of different directions.


  2. Terry you are doing hte right thing, painting and changing things around. You need to move forward and you are doing it. Giving you my love my dear friend and great hugs. xxx


  3. The one thing i have come to realise is that no two people walk the same path of grief no matter who they are, how they are related or how they knew the person concerned. My message to you concerning Al’s things is to take your time and when you are ready you will know what you need to do and what he would want you to do, but do something in haste and often you cannot go back. Being busy is a good thing but take time to just think and be sad if necessary. Grief cannot be gone round it has to be gone through. My prayers are with you as always x


  4. I know it is a difficult time for you, and will be for a long time. I am glad that the payment was stopped so you didn’t have anything to pay back. I think the nursing home are just plain nasty for demanding so much money. I have helped in the small way that I can.

    The book is now on Amazon UK, but saying it is currently unavailable. I will buy it when it becomes available though


  5. I think that all you are doing & your thoughts are all part of the healing process. Things will never be the same. But – on your own pace & time – you will find a new groove to your journey as you continue on each day.

    Good to hear that you don’t have to worry about the SS repayment.
    Maybe see with the nursing home if you could at least get a partial waiver or discounted balance. Doesn’t hurt to ask.
    Little by little – with the help of anyone who can help – I hope that we can come up with the balance & rid you of worries from that financial burden.


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