In A Veteran’s Mind


Lonely, sitting alone in his three-room apartment. Ignoring the request being whispered in his ears to go to the home. Never leaving his familiar friend, his wheelchair, except to get on the pot or get into bed.

A non-speaking foreign lady comes in three times a day. She fixes his meal and sets his table. When all is complete he dines alone with one single artificial flower staring at him. It reminds him of years gone by when he attended his best friend‘s funeral. Same color, not much to it. Grab what you can from it and hide it deep within your memories.

After each meal he would wheel himself to the sink and trash can. He tossed many a meal in the plastic container. Who the hell enjoys eating alone? There was a time he took off his hat and walked into the mess hall and everyone flagged him to their table.

He was a friendly guy. He was never afraid to try the forbidden. His buddies respected him and he knew this. But now, he and his memories shared meals together, but no one answered his words.

The doctor was the most common place he visited. Doctors, the hell with them. Always trying to stick a pill down his throat. Didn’t they know he wished to die? What was the use of living, his life was over. He felt he had done his duty.

His wife was dead and his son lived miles a way in California. His son was some big shot for a big company out there. He usually could expect a phone call at Christmas, and if he had some free time he would fly home every few years.

Taffy, his cat jumped up on his lap. Taffy sensed his owner was lonely. The Veteran petted his friend. Taffy loved to be petted but the fluff ball had no idea how beneficial he was to the Veteran. Sometimes he would pick up his bottles of medications and look at them and ponder on things, but then end up spending time with the cat.

The veteran was reminded of the pain that he went through every time he looked down at his one leg. The other was an ugly stump, but looking back he wouldn’t have changed a thing. He was not in the war to only fight for his country. He was there to protect his unit and buddies too. He had tried to spare his buddy’s life by throwing himself over him. He lost his buddy and one limb.

Tears came to his eyes as he thought back to the purpose of his life. He had been raised to believe that hard work was the way to be a proud man. He worked in the fields for neighbors, he worked hard on his parents farm. When he was old enough he got the letter. He had to enter the war.

He remembered how damn scared he was when he read that his country needed him. It wasn’t that he was afraid for himself, he was more fearful of how his parents would make it without him.

He remembered his Mama’s wet cheeks as she waved to him through the bus window when he left. Oh he missed his Mama. She was a good woman and taught him things about life.

Now today he was in his eighties. Neighbors and friends kept telling him he should go live at the Veteran’s home. He would have an easier life they would say. But how could he? He had taken care of his own family without anyone’s help, and he sure didn’t need it now.

His pension allowed for the lady to come in to fix his meals. He got a reduced rate on his living quarters. He had food, a roof over his head and Taffy. He still had his right mind, so he wasn’t about to turn it all over to someone else who would make his decisions for him.

It was coming up on another Memorial Day. A parade was going to be strutting down the street. He had received an invitation to sit on the throne and ride in comfort in honor of all Veterans. Just thinking about this made him smile.

He may have lost his parents and a lot of his buddies, but he had his memories, and Taffy, and the chance to let others know what a role he played in the lives they lived today.

He wheeled himself into his bedroom and opened his closet doors. There at the back of the closet it hung with pride. Wrapped  in plastic, the smells of loss and victories all over it. The shiny medals that had been pinned on the jacket.

He had no doubt that it would still fit. He never gained much weight from when he was a young whipper snapper. He touched the plastic lining and he could feel it speaking back at him. I am here good buddy. I have never deserted you nor forsaken you.

He closed the doors and knew that in two days he would put his best clothes back on. He would be representing everything war had to offer.  He only had one more time that it would be in use and that was when he breathed his last breath.

Very Inspiring Blogger Award


http://saminaiqbal27.wordpress.com

A new friend of mine has nominated me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award.

If you have never visited Sam, please feel free to do so.

Here is an excerpt of who this new blogger friend of mine is.

I am a free-lance writer. I like to write mostly about social issues and all those happenings surrounding our lives which affect us in very subtle ways.  Nobody is immune from the effects of crime in our society since the pattern of crime has changed with mobility and technology. We seek security and safety to live a better life. We should be able to move freely in our surroundings enjoying the full benefits of natural beauty and other gifts that come for Canadians as Canada being one the finest countries in the world. Crime, if not checked, can make the same beautiful country a living hell. To avert such a dire situation we have to recognize that it is the police officer who will defend and protect us. The balance of justice may tip up or down but eventually it will level off with the effort of police officers who are greatest of Levellers. And this is the shinning virtue of police officers It is in them to protect us. They are the law. Their strength is imperative to protect the innocent people who have faith in the protection that they offer. This website has been established to make people recognize the fact that a person who is prepared to give his/her life in protecting innocent people is the police officer. No police officer should ever be suspected that he /she will not protect you because it is in their spirit to protect you and pray for your safety before they think of protecting themselves or praying for themselves. Great police officers are angered by injustice in society but are not frightened by it and they will fight head on eliminating injustices for they are the law.

very-inspiring-blogger-award-21Thank-you again my friend!

Daily Prompt; Green-Eyed Monster


http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt

Tell us about the last time you were really, truly jealous of someone. Did you act on it? Did it hurt your relationship? 

Photographers, show us something GREEN.green-emerald-gemstone-thumb14543806

The only person I can think of that I was truly jealous of was my half-sister.

From the day she was born, she took all of Mom’s time;so it seemed.

She controlled my childhood from my age of 10 clear up until the present.

Mom got her more than Al and me. She had name brand clothing from expensive stores. Mom told me she loved her more than me. That killed me internally for years.

She had more friends than me, I thought. When we were both grown up she had Mom and Dad‘s help financially, while my husband and I struggled.

When Christmas time came, she helped her purchase gifts for her kids. I did not get that help. Halloween, another time store-bought costumes were had, while I made my kids outfits.

When she needed babysitters, Mom was right there. I hardly had babysitters. We took our kids everywhere.

It ruined part of me for many years, but then I saw something different between her and me when I got much older. It took years to see with my eyes blue instead of green. While she got everything and I worked for what my family have, it made me a better person.

While she is still living a different life, I have more stability. She is someone I love deep inside but would not let Al nor myself be in her home under no conditions. Her friends and mine are different.

Her outlook on life and mine differ. She is wild and I am calmer. She will try anything for attention and I stick more to myself and my kids.

I have wonderful friends from all around the world, and she has her own.

Mom and Dad did me the biggest favor without them realizing it. Well maybe, Dad did know what was coming.

I turned out alright. I had a rough start in life, but with having to shovel a little deeper and harder, I am proud of whom I have become today. I can walk the streets and never feel ashamed.

A little hard work doesn’t hurt us. Spoiling a child teaches nothing. Responsibilities are thrown out the window, while I cling to mine. If it weren’t for Mom and Dad’s treatment of me, I would not be able to care for Al as well as I do today.

Always remember you reap what you sow. When I take my last breath, I will do it and look back at life and say, You made it Terry, you really made it.

Got 10 Minutes? Go Back With Me


Paul Bunyan Land/This Old Farm Brainerd, Minnesota

 

I was driving home today from seeing Al and I heard this song on the radio. It instantly took me back to when I was five  years old. My Dad worked at the local skating rink, and I was his tag-a-long. I grew up on skates.

 

One of Dad’s favorite songs was this;

 

 

Oh Dad used to fly around the round rink with the wooden floor. All girls loved my Daddy. He was the one with the blue eyes and wavy hair. Gelled back to stay in place and tall and thin. Daddy taught me to skate fast, backwards, and do tricks. When I was 16 years old he bought me my first pair of real good skates with wooden wheels. They cost $150.00 at that time.

 

Tears still come to my eyes when I hear this. I am like most daughters. There is a void that is in my heart. I hate him for what he has done to Al, but I also worshiped him at the same time.

 

When I was at the age where I could get a record player and keep it in my room, I listened to these songs.

 

 

 

 

As I got older and got married I finally got in to the Rolling Stones. I listened to mainly one song.

 

 

 

 

 

  • Skating (goaliejourney.wordpress.com)

 

The Boogeyman


Subconscience, what a long word. Not easy to say, and least of all not easy to understand.

Farnkenstein monster

My mind usually is spinning before it is connected to the fact that my eyes are open and I am sitting on the edge of the bed.

I wonder if that part of my brain parties through my sleep mode. Does the real truth come out?

Is what we say in our dreams really matter?

How many times is the truth that needs to be told hidden so deep within, that sometimes therapists can not even hold their breath long enough for the information to surface.

I know for me, the past three to four days, something has been going on inside my head while I am resting. Am I really resting though, or literally taking a break from stress and worries?

For the last few days I have had dreams where I wake up and am crying. I even took a nip at the Take A Nap bottle today, and when I awoke, my eyes were wet from tears.

What is it that is going on? Someone inside of me knows the truth, and yet I am still the last to know.

I dreamed one time I was married but had a ball and chain around my neck. I know that I am lonely for companionship of a nice guy, but I never really ponder on marriage. I know that if I had to remarry my ex, I would run quickly a way dragging that added weight with me.

I dreamed another time that I was divorcing something. It wasn’t human. It was ugly and huge in my mind. I remember crying because it woke me up. Whatever it was, it wouldn’t let me go. It was like a fierce ball of fire and no matter which way I turned it followed me.

I have been doing one thing that I thought I was healed from. Waiting for the boogey man to get me. When I was a very young child, and I was abused, it happened through the night hours.

There was also another time that made me afraid of the dark. I don’t know if this is what I have made me believe or if the reason was real. I can remember when I was brought back by the Welfare Department when I was around three years old I had to be very good and also quiet.

The motto for me in those young days was, children should be seen and not heard.

I can remember being put in the coat closet for a couple of days. Now my memory tells me that my Grandma said I was sick. I had chicken pox or something and darkness made it go a way.

All I know is that I was scared. I can remember it like it was yesterday. Sitting in the dark closet on the carpeted floor. Feeling the material of coat sleeves and scarves touching me. For years and years, I was afraid for it to get dark outside. I always thought the boogy man was coming to get me.

I have reasoned with myself so many hundreds of times. I told myself anything that would get me through the night. I would say things like

You are too ugly, no one would ever want you. You are too heavy, no one would stay at the window and stare at you. As soon as it breaks daylight, I can go to sleep.

I used to sit up with a knife in my hand when I was married and my husband worked thirds. I would stay up all night until I heard the birds sing then I could sleep. Finally I started having my daughter sleep with me. She replaced the knife.

When things got so bad that I thought I was going insane I sought help. This took a long time but I did get better. I am usually not bothered with the Boogy man anymore until recently.

I don’t want him back. In my reality I know that the friction of what happened this past weekend has done more damage to me than I thought. Dreams and Boogy man all come back.

I must be tired, in fact I know I am tired. I find myself taking naps more frequently. I have spent many hours on the phone making calls trying to get an XL size commode here for Al.

Medicare bought one for him last September, so now they won’t get him one for now. He has to have it. There is a weight limit to be able to get the bigger size and Al isn’t at that weight.

I am desperately trying to find this so I won’t have to clean up every time he potties. I am also trying to find a Lift Chair for him. With him only able to stand for a few moments and take about three steps before he is down, I thought a lift chair would be perfect.

Guess what? Another wall to run into. In order for Medicare or Medicaid to pay for one of these, he was to be able to walk with at least a walker.

I wish now that I would have given up on the Title of Help Pay This Big Bill and instead ask you to help me with donations for a lift chair. I don’t know the answers anymore. I just know that I am bumping into walls higher than I can climb.

I think in my eyes this is the beast that represents divorce and tears and the boogy man. Al wants to come home. I want him to come home. I want him to feel loved. He needs to feel loved.

I am tired of crying in my dreams, but can’t shed tears while I am a wake. I am tired of restless nights. I have made progress, and I am very thankful, but yet this shadow hovers over me.

Today I was able to get a hold of a company that will provide Al with his briefs,(adult diapers), bed pads, and gloves for me. His hospital bed and wheelchair have prescriptions now waiting for his return. He was let out of his cage and back into his room. This is all  progress, right? So what am I worrying or stressing about?

If God wants him to have an XL commode and a lift chair, he is going to  have to supply it. This is all I know anymore.

http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/too-much-pain-and-too-little-money/55964

The definition:

Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: innermost in thought
Synonyms: hidden, inmost, inner, intuitive, latent, mental, repressed, subliminal, suppressed, unconscious
Antonyms: conscious, outer

 

 

Gamble


When you know you should

But you don’t want to

You don’t have to

You don’t feel like it

Find someone else

To do the job

Get the raise

Do the work

Take a break

Sail the seas

Loaf the day

Wander a way

It all comes down

To what we want

What counts in life

What we want to hear

Where we want to go

Life is a room

Full of questions

Decisions and

When it is

All said and done

We can blame

No one

But ourselves

Or pat the back.

Terry Shepherd

The Gambler (album)

The Gambler

05/22/2013

Daily Prompt;Goals


English: The logo of the blogging software Wor...

http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt

When you started your blog, did you set any goals? Have you achieved them? Have they changed at all?

When I first started blogging I was blogging with blinders on. I didn’t know what I was doing or what I was to be writing about.

What does a person write about when the one punching at the keyboard is so boring? I don’t write as an editor for some well-known magazine. No one even knows my name. I don’t even live in New York City.

I did know that I was sitting in front of my screen because I was called to do it. I went back to my very first post I published and found this. It is called Stillness and it went as this;

STILLNESS

He was young when he met her. Their eyes met, and it was love at
first sight. They spent every moment available to them being together,
holding, touching, kissing, going as far as they dare go. No one said a
word to let them know they were treading dangerous grounds. No one
warned them to keep a distance. All summer long they went swimming,
picnicking, exploring what life had to offer and each other. At year’s end
the thing  feared happened. She became pregnant. The fear rose in
her voice as she stuttered the news to him. What were they going to do?
What would they say? Now the parents stepped up. Shaming them, telling
them how bad they were. Both were kicked out of the comfort of their
homes. Forced to try to figure out how to survive. He got a dime store
job that paid little. She went on the system to help her eat. They lived
in an ally apartment. He was scared. Sorry he had ever done this to
himself, not thinking of her. One day while she was at the doctor, he
packed his few belongings and snuck off leaving her with nothing, the
same as he gave her when he entered her life. She came home to tell him
the baby would arrive within the next 24 hours. She heard silence, saw
nothing. She knew he was gone. During the night, the pain was horrific.
She got her coat on and went out into the darkness. She tried to walk to
the neighbor’s house to ask for help. Please help me with this
pain……….She never made it. She gave birth right there on the grass under
the huge oak tree. The cord was wrapped, the color was blue, there was
no sound. Silence and chill stayed with her forever more…………terry
shepherd

I could see it was me that had written it without even my name showing I knew. It has the same quality about life and people who my stories do today.

I started making some goals after I wrote a few posts. One was to help others learn that there is a caring God. Another was to show that even in our darkest moments God does not sway from us.

I am the first to show my weakness. I still gather my friends near me and ask for comfort. I have done some things with God’s help. I saved a person from committing suicide. I brought one person back to God who was seriously considering leaving him at the cross.

I still work on this same goal even though I have reached it. Because there is going to be a need for this until our very last breath on earth. We as a nation are hurting and confused. Many of us have struggles from our childhood or broken hearts.

I always refer back to we all want the same basic things. We want to know we are loved and cared about. So this goal will never stop as long as my fingers can type.

The other goal I made several months down the road has not happened as of yet. But I still keep my hopes high that I will see it one day.

This goal is to reach 1000 likes or clicks or comments in one day. I came close one time. I had 663 on one 24 hour period. I will keep working towards that.

So in the end, I have met some fantastic people. Some have come and gone. Others have stayed. Friendships have formed. I have talked to some over the phone. Others have made plans to meet. Some I have met.

It has been therapeutic for me, fun and a great learning experience. Thank-you God, friends, and WordPress.

7 in 1 Award


http://transcendingbordersblog.wordpress.com. This wonderful blogger has nominated me for 7 in 1 awards.

Here is a little bit about Trans if you have not already checked out her blog site.

THE RULES FOR 7 IN 1 AWARD:

1-Answer 10 random questions.

2-Nominate 10 other bloggers for the award and link their blog sites.

3-Notify the bloggers of their awards.

4-Ask the award winners the 10 questions when they accept their award.

QUESTIONS:

1-Do you have a goal in life?

Yes, I just finished writing my book, looking to get it published!

2-City or Countryside?

City!

3-What was the last word you looked up in the dictionary?

Honestly, I have a grammar dictionary installed on my computer, it corrects the mistakes!

4-If you had a time machine where would you go?

The Victorian Era!

5-Pirate or Vampire?

Pirate.

6-Are you easily satisfied or do you keep working to obtain something?

The latter!

7 Sweet or Savory?

Sweet!

8-Do you believe in Karma?

Yes, absolutely!

9-Which is your favorite comedy movie?

Honestly, I only watch suspense thrillers!

10-Fantasy or Sci-Fi?

Fantasy!

Here are the 7 awards I received tonight.

wonderful team awardsunshine-awardliebster-blog-2super-sweet-blogging-award21dragonsloyaltyaward1shine on awardBest-Moment-AwardMy nominations are;

Vicki (from Victoria A Photography)
victoriaaphotography.wordpress.com

parrillaturi
parrillaturi.wordpress.com

tersiaburger
tersiaburger.wordpress.com

allegoricaldiamond
allegoricaldiamond.wordpress.com

becky6259
becky6259.wordpress.com

Lady Lovely
ladylovelyblogger.wordpress.com

Thank-you again!!!!!

Mama Always Taught Me


Mama always taught me

To never be rude

To keep my mouth quietrose

Too eat all my food.

Mama always taught me

To turn the other cheek

To let mean words pass me by

To turn and retreat.

Mama always taught me

To be a lady and smile

To keep my elbows off the table

And to only weep for a while.

Mama never taught me

That life could be cold

That friends could  turn

That I would one day grow old.

Mama never taught me

How to stand on my own

To stand up for my rights

Honestly, I was never shown.

Mama never taught me

That my heart could be hurt

That the marriage could break

That I should stay awake and alert.

Mama never taught me

About sickness and death

How worry makes you old

That I should turn right and not left.

Mama always taught me

To love each soul

To help when I can

To make me a whole.

Mama never taught me

How I would feel when she would die

How empty I would feel

Or how to keep the tears out of my eyes.

Terry Shepherd

05/21/2013