Take A Deep Breath

Take a deep breath Terry, relax, breathe deep. Smell the stale coffee!!! I got a call from the lady today who is supposed to start Monday. She started off by stating she had questions.

Oh no! She isn’t going to take the job. She has changed her mind! Just when I was about to relax and enjoy the extra help.

She had questions. You see when she was here before Al was a whole different personality. He got angered easily. He could have a very smart mouth, and there were many times he wasn’t so pleasant to be around if he wasn’t getting his own way. Kind of like a kid throwing an adult temper tantrum.

But the illness changed him. He grew weak and his voice softened. He turned mushy and cries a lot. She wanted to know if he stayed in his wheelchair much. She was questioning exactly what she would have to do for him if I left and went to a store.

I understood exactly her alarm and I explained to her how Al is today. Pretty much bed-bound. Eats in bed, watches TV a lot, sleeps about 16 hours per day.

All she could say is WOW, he sure has changed. I said, “Yes, an illness has a way of getting a hold of a person. You will be surprised when you see him again.”

I don’t think she is 100% satisfied but she did say she was still coming Monday. She just wanted her questions answered. I added that I would be here at first with her until she felt comfortable. I told her I would never leave and just throw her to the wolves. I heard her breathe a sigh of relief.

So I am going to relax, take a deep breath and realize God sent this person, end of story, well I can’t help  admitting that I will feel better once she rings that door bell.

Today Al was cranky this morning. He is having more breathing issues. A labored breathing when he is active in any way. I used to hear it off and on but it is pretty regular now.

The Hospice nurse came today and I did tell her about the incident with the shower girl. I also voiced my thoughts on my fear of losing her and not having a shower girl at all.

I called the local Hospice here in town. I was quite disappointed to tell you the truth. I am still weighing the pros and cons but I didn’t like that they didn’t offer any short-term respite and that they had no Hospice House like Al has available to him now.

In fact the more she spoke, the more I shied away. She told me that if I felt I needed a respite break that bad, she would have him admitted to a local nursing home. My breathing stopped, my heart raced as I quickly thought back to the six months he was in a nursing home.

There are three nursing homes here in town. One is supposed to be high standard, that is the one Al was in, and we all know that didn’t work out at all. Another one doesn’t accept Medicaid, so that is automatically out. The last one is a place where you place people whose family doesn’t want them, or there is no money what so ever. I think you can vision what kind of care he would get.

In fact, it is a proven fact that a few  disabled and mentally challenged people who enter never come out again. This is the biggest reason I keep Al at home. I love him, he is safe here, and he is in his familiar territory, plus he is never alone.

I will never unless I lose my mind or become so ill I can no longer care for him let him go back to a nursing home even for a respite of five days.

I was a little surprised at the fact that the director made the comment that if I felt I really needed a break.

My gosh, I take care of everything that has to do with Al. This includes meals, cleaning, changing clothes and bed linens. Grocery shopping, doctor appointments,lifting, guiding, aiding, helping, rolling him over, finances, and with his illness it has turned into a less than peaceful night so my sleep is interrupted, but I will march on like the woman I am. Not giving in nor giving up. God will help me do this and if I get too weak like I have been of late, he will send help,which he did.

Now, just sit back relax, wait for the help to arrive and smile. It looks at this  point I will keep him with the Hospice I am at. Ah, just look at this picture Terry and sit back and relax.