Nasty MSA

It’s really been a rough few days. I have gotten into it with Hospice on more than one occasion. I have told them I need more help from them, as far as their nursing part goes.

I am still struggling with being so tired but my blood pressure is down quite a bit. The medication I now take makes me sleepy and I feel guilt by falling asleep when my caregiver is here along with my girlfriend.

Everyone inside this house is treating me like royalty. It doesn’t feel familiar. It feels strange, but I don’t fight it anymore. I accept with blushed cheeks and will never forget what others are doing for me.

Al’s illness is now in his bloodstream. It has taken over every part of his body and now has entered the blood.  It has nowhere to go so it is seeping out of his eyes and mouth. He has a big blister on his feet  that is filled with the illness. I pray constantly that God takes him home.

Both Al and I have had what we feel are enough. I pray that if God wants me to learn something else from his sickness, that he opens my eyes so that I may see it. It is breaking my heart, watching Al stuck inside of this shell.

I can see almost exactly in what area Al’s heart is failing. Yesterday his hands were not swollen. Today, once again they are. His leg will swell and then later go back to normal.  His skin is getting weak from being in bed so long.

We are having huge issues with his catheter plugging constantly from his kidneys shutting down. I and the caregivers are pretty busy trying to keep Al comfortable. Now the new blister is hurting  him but I dare not pop it or touch it.

I have him protected in case it does cause a mess. I just pray, wish and hope this ends very soon. If I could think of one thing that is keeping Al from going to heaven, I would move mountains to make it happen, but I can think of nothing.

I want to let you know that I have worked very hard at making and paying for all arrangements for Al. I hope that I am prepared in every area I could think of. The tombstone was the final goal, and now thanks to you, my friends, that goal is getting closer to being met.

I had the wrong link so here is the correct link if you would care to help.


42 thoughts on “Nasty MSA

      • Terry i am so sorry that you are both still suffering so much.Please still stay strong and let the carers do their jobs and help you as much as they can.You have been so wonderful to your brother caring for him and nursing and loving him the way you have.This terrible thing inside us is vicious and cruel and you cannot pass until it lets you go.I know from my personal experience how nasty and pityless it is.Yourself and Marilyn work so hard to aid and help us so much but neither you or anyone else including doctors and any other medical practitioners can stop its relentless rampage through our bodies it is so very very cruel.Never forget that Al loves you very much and needs you now more than ever.Our hearts are with you always and we are with you in spirit.We hope that Al gets his release soon.May your god help you now and love and bless you both. Michael


    • Terry you have enough to do caring for Al please dont worry for me i am in good hands .Be strong angel ,be sure we are with you in heart and mind.We hope that youre god calls Al very soon and that he comforts you and loves and protects you at this terrible time.Marilyn sends her love to you both and wishes that both of you suffer no more.God bless you both. Michael


      • I have enough love in my heart for you and your wife. I care. I think of you and pray for you as much as you do for Al. Blessings and hugs


  1. Thinking of you, Terry, and praying for sweet peace for you! You have been on my heart for several days. Your post helps us know how to keep praying and how we can help. Thank you!


  2. Terry, I am so glad to hear you have your friend there with you. I know you have probably done this, but you have asked yourself what can you do to let him go…you said you would move mountains….have you told Al that it is alright that he can go now…I was told when I was losing a loved one that if they don’t hear these words from their loved ones they continue to hang on…I constantly told my loved one it was alright they could go now, and that I would be alright…they too I am told need that reassurance…this was Hospice telling me this…and maybe Hospice has told you this too……Just some food for thought Terry, it seemed to work in my case, and seemed to put peace in my loved one and was able to move on….
    I am thinking of you and hoping and praying for you both…..God is with you both…and so are his Angels, their is a reason for everything, but we don’t always know at that time what that reason was, you will know someday,…


    • Hi Hannah, I have been telling him this for about two weeks, but when I am not in his room, he seems worried where I am. I think he is just plain scared to die. He is fighting it. Now things are getting worse and he really needs to go, but I have to just keep assuring him he can go. You are such a life support for me. I really appreciate it


  3. Sending prayers your way. You are a very strong person for being able to be there by Al’s side in times like these. I pray that God will end Al’s suffering and bring peace and healing to you and your loved ones. God is good. *hugs*


  4. Terry, I awoke at 6 a.m. this morning praying for peace, comfort, and no fear for you and for Al in Jesus name,amen. I continue to lift you up believing that God will not leave you, and will continue to comfort you, remove all fear, fill you and Al with His perfect peace, in Jesus name,amen. With My love and prayers, Sheri.


  5. Reblogged this on kizzylee and commented:
    to read this blog breaks my heart and i have always hated feeling useless and wanting to help but could not think of a way, in this post there is a link please read the post, the blog, but most of all could i ask any of my friends who can to visit the link in this post , my love always to al and terry


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