It seems so right that I changed the name of my blog page to Who Am I, months ago. Why? Because anymore, I don’t really know who I am.
I know I am a child of God, but here on earth, I just don’t know. I know I am a mom to three and a grandma to several, but some days, I don’t feel like a good mom. I have one child who pretty much has disowned me, it seems. I have begged, pleaded, called and text but no answers are provided for me on what I may have done.
This has turned my health upside down. My blood pressure is now messed up going higher than lower. I am stressed with sadness that keeps my veil of happiness covered by blackness.
I have apologized, sat for hours wondering what I may have said or done without realizing it may hurt others. I am getting sick and I find myself wishing I was at the end of my journey here on earth.
I snap out of that thought though because I am not really ready to die yet. I even called my primary and neurologist and have spoken to both about this up and down blood pressure problem I am having.
I know that my diagnosis has been changed from Parkinson’s to probable MSA. This sickens me. Not so much because it will shorten my life; but because I won’t be as lucky as my brother was in having a sister to take care of him. I will go through this alone with God beside me; which means I am truly not alone.
Life has not been a bowl of cherries as of the past few weeks and I am grateful that Spring as officially arrived and I can get lost in my camera once again outdoors.
Oh the valleys we travel through on our way to heaven.
Who I am 
I know it is hard without your physical health and that does affect our spiritual and mental outlook, but I am glad you are able to snap out of the valley times. I’m sorry to hear your diagnosis has been changed to MSA. I think that must be even harder for you because you have seen first hand what the disease does to the body. I pray the Lord will take you as smoothly as possible through this challenge. I pray that the joy of the Lord will always be your strength and that His presence will give you the comfort and stamina you need for each and every day. I know the Lord is using you in many ways, and will continue to do so as you continue to yield your life to Him. If I were you, I would hand over your child who has seemingly disowned you and not keep trying to figure it out. It may not even have anything to do with you directly. They may be going through their own deep valley and have not learned how to share that with you. I pray that this situation will be resolved in the not-too-distant future. God bless you and keep you in the safety of His shelter, under His wings.
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Thank you. Amen
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Some days of living are challenges we never wanted to prepare for, and I feel your pain after both of my children closed relations with me for a few years because I couldn’t keep their father home. Because I was fine with letting him go. It’s hard, but – we have to trust God that we’re still in his Plan for the best, and let go of the rest. I’m so glad that you have some mental stability to help you know that you’re not alone, and that you should alert your care providers to the problems that have become disturbing to your life’s quality. Try to just manage what’s happening today, and leave the rest for tomorrow. Huggerz.
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I’m sorry you have to experience what I have with our kids but you made an excellent point. One day at a time. It really is all I can deal with with my health issues. I can so easily get wrapped up in my pain and sorrow of the world that I only end up hurting myself. Hugs
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Life is not a bed of roses, but He is always with you and you know there are many people who love you. Hugs xxx
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