I used to be ashamed of myself because I was not the life of the party. I do admit that I used to laugh and giggle a lot more, but things change about yourself as you move through the months and years.
Now thanks to writing I have learned to accept my imperfection which is nothing other than Weird. What is the definition of weird?
fantastic; bizarre: a weird get-up.
Archaic. concerned with or controlling fate or destiny.
I think that writers and artists such as Michelangelo
are thinkers more than doers. Our brains are not following the patterns of others. We day-dream, we think about our future.
Instead of thinking
about what is for supper we may be wondering why people take so much advantage of the elderly or even the disabled as I wrote about earlier today in Reverse Mortgage.
I can remember when my Dad died and Al
was on his own for a short while. I was shocked at the credit cards
he had in his wallet. I knew he could not handle them at all. He has never understood the full capacity of money.
He was in debt too. He owed great amounts on these cards. I would call the companies and explain his mental challenge and disabilities, but they didn’t give a hoot. He owed, he applied for the card, so tough.
All Al had to do is get the mail. There were tons of junk mail advertising of course, for credit cards. Al would fill out the basic information and send it in. Yippee, they would send him a card.
I tried talking to the mail delivery
system to stop sending junk mail in his name but they didn’t cooperate with me either. For quite a while I spent time teaching money management with him but it didn’t work. I had to end up paying off all his cards.
There are times when I wish my brain thought for the moment I live in. Oh what fun I could be having not thinking farther ahead. I could go out and date anyone I wanted to. Why worry about getting a disease or being dumped, I was having fun for the minute.
I dream about starting groups to help teach others. I see the lack of this or that in our society and dream about fixing it. Believe it or not I have pictured myself as a famous pianist or singer. I am a dreamer and I like to control my future. I like to control my fate.
So I am a little bizarre I guess and a little not normal. I think too much. I wonder what it would be like to not be a thinker. Would I be able to write like I do? Probably not, I would probably be telling you something silly about nothing.
Being weird has made me unique. I am not just a caregiver but a helper in my own small way. I sort of like being the wall flower. I don’t have to have my phone ringing off the hook. I just need it to ring sometimes.
I don’t have to be the bell of the ball. I may just pick up a beach ball
and try to figure out how they got it so perfectly round and wonder what the machine looks like that made it. Then after I toss it around for a while I may go to the beach with it and give it to some kids. Then I would pull out my camera and take photos of these kids running and laughing chasing it around the park.
I would take notice of the lonely lady sitting by herself and I would wander over to her and sit next to her and start a conversation. I most likely would take some photos of wildlife and the delicate petals starting to bloom on the flowers.
Yeah, I like not being normal or maybe even a little weird.