I Can’t Get Through This Without Your Support

This morning I met the Hospice nurse at Al’s Day Program. He was not a happy camper. butterfliesHe had wet through his clothes and he was highly embarrassed about this. The nurse checked his vitals and his blood pressure was quite high.

We left him crying. I felt terrible but I knew that the nurse and I were a reminder of what illness was doing to him.

When he got off the bus tonight we ate. Once again he didn’t eat all of his supper. I believe that three times including the weekend he ate about half of his meals. After supper and stripping his shirt off, brushing his teeth and taking him to his room, I took off his shoes and socks because he wanted to nap.

When his feet were exposed I looked at them, ready to help him get in bed, and I saw something that made me tell him to hold on. I went to my own bathroom and threw up. beating heart

It isn’t that I am sick but instead sick at what I saw. I remembered back to the visit with hospice this morning and her telling me Al’s heart is so weak. He could go at any moment or hold on for several more weeks.

When I had looked at his toes each of the nails were dark gray and the foot was total purple. His nails at supper I had noticed were grayer than usual but I said nothing. I don’t speak to him about my observations unless he brings it up himself.

When I came back he was already asleep. I woke him and helped him get in bed. I took his hand and squeezed it firmly. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, “bud I just want you to always remember one thing.”flashing star

He asked, “what?”

” Always remember that I love you so very much. You are my baby brother.”

He said, ” I know.”

Then I rolled him on his back and he drifted back off to sleep.animated-candles1.gif


66 thoughts on “I Can’t Get Through This Without Your Support

  1. I am so angry with myself for not being able to keep up with what is going on with Al and you. I have been very ill myself but I want you to know that my prayers include both of you multiple times a day. God will help you through this time sending you m love and hugs my friend. (((xx)))


  2. Terry …. you are one of the few!!! Consider yourself special!! We, your readers, bestow this honor on you!!! You are the best sister any brother could have …. CyberHugs!!! 🙂


  3. Much love to you and Al. He is embarking on an amazing journey and ending a very challenging one. {{Hugs to you}} as you see him go and {{hugs to you}} for sharing his and your pain in the leaving. If I were an artist I would draw the visual to match the words.


  4. Will continue to surround you with prayers. You are blessed to have a God who will see you through. You have done everything possible for Al. I commend you. You are one devoted sister. Al had been blessed, by having you in his life. Blessings.


      • Oh Terry. I’ve had some more roller coaster rides the past month. I haven’t even gotten to my books or my devotional newsletter. 😦 You might not have seen my post last week yet… Besides the ups and downs of buying a house, my husband had 8 pieces of large window glass fall out of a truck while he was unloading one. ER trip for sure. It was a miracle that his face was turned away in time. He had glass cuts everywhere. His wrist was hyperextended – looked like the thumb was dislocated. It was awful. But God is always with us. We’ve gotten through worse (his meningitis attack for one).

        Praise The Lord!! He’s healing well. Still has fragments of glass coming out of his stitched area though!

        We close on our house in less than 2 weeks. After 5 years of the journey we are starting life over. But he’s alive and God is restoring what we lost. God is lovely. 🙂
        I think of and pray for you and Al often.
        Know that even when I seem absent you are in my prayers.

        You on FB? You should find me on there if so. 🙂

        I’ve GOT to concentrate on my books after we get moved so my blogging might slow down. God is calling me to dig into them.

        Stay strong my friend. Hugs.


      • I am so sorry that these mishaps are happening in your life but God is carrying you both through. To have a house of your own is wonderful news. Very soon you will be moving. Don’t falter from God he will do what needs to be done. Just take care of yourself and read what you can. Take care and I will look you up on FB. big hugs


  5. Just know that I am with you in spirit. I am sending you and Al as much love and light as my heart can muster.
    Be just as strong as you always are, Terry. Our sweet, loving God is there beside you guiding you both, and lighting the way!


  6. I listened to “Bring Him Home” just this morning and wept like a baby, and I’m still crying. These tears started out for you and Al, and then the gears suddenly switched taking me on a journey in my past life during those happy and sad times I spent caring for my aging parents.The floodgates opened as I saw myself is various settings soaring through the years at a blink of an eye.Time is precious, and we all take it for granted sadly enough.

    Hang tough terry, God has a plan. 🙂


  7. When you are near the end, you feel like you have lost control of everything. My Grandpa was 92, just bones and though his body stopped breathing at 3:23, on a Tuesday afternoon, his gaze was fixed 2 hours before, no blinking. After I spoke to my Grandpa, I then told my mother and grandmother to tell him, “it’s okay to let go. We love you. But we don’t want you in pain anymore. It’s okay to relax, we’ll be okay too.” I am very sorry. You aren’t alone!


    • I am so sorry. What a sad time for you and your family. I finally gave in and told Al it was ok for him to go if he wanted to. He cried like a baby. His time is not near, it seems, yet Hospice says his heart is very tired


      • My Grandpa had a bad heart. The man had virtually head to toe surgeries all his life. His esophagus stopped working and he just turned from a healthy male to bones. Now they have things that can help people with this problem. My mom, grandma and myself worked as a team to take care of him. He was the last male in our family other than my two sons. I’m divorced. But leaving that thought in Al’s mind is the kindest, most loving, and hard as h e double hockey sticks. I’m proud of you, you show an inner strength full of love that fuels you.


      • thank you so much Colleen. Al and I are all that is left in our family. We have a step sister we do not associate with and a far-a-way aunt, but the rest of our family is deceased. It is sort of an eerie feeling knowing we are the last of the family name and Al is leaving no heirs. I would assume that since your Grandpa suffered it was a relief in some ways to see the suffering gone. I am sure he is in heaven dancing and singing with the angels


      • I told my grandpa before he passed that my dad and his son, my uncle, who disappeared when I was in high school and was never found, were waiting for him in Heaven to play poker and go fishing. My grandpa was the last of his brothers and we don’t have much family either and what is out there we do not associate either. We will be praying for you and your brother. Those angels have great dancing moves!


  8. Pingback: We Have to Stop Meeting So Late Like This | terry1954

  9. I read all the way down and then found the Piano Guys’ piece you chose for this post. So, I played it and re-read your post. Terry, this is a very difficult time for you and your brother. It may very well also hold some treasured moments to remember. I feel for you. I wish I could give you a hug.


  10. Pingback: He Came Home | terry1954

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