I Took a Different Path
Today I went and saw Al. After I left there I forced myself from returning to the computer and went…
Today I went and saw Al. After I left there I forced myself from returning to the computer and went through one of those self-serve car washes. I swept the inside and shined everything possible. Then I used the big hose to give the car a bath. Sort of like the old song, Doggy Want a Bone???
On my way to the Y I stopped and shot this photo. It is a Pear tree. I thought you would enjoy also seeing the first photo I took about seven years ago. This is when it hit me that I really enjoyed being an amateur photographer.
Then I went to the YMCA and used some of the weight machines. I walked a mile on the treadmill, and then went swimming in the warm water pool for half an hour. I came home not sore but knew that I had done something unfamiliar to my old body.
My grandkids came down and we watched a movie that was recommended to me by a friend on here. The life of Pi.
Both of them were glued to it along with me. It is an excellent movie. Here is the trailer for it. http://youtu.be/mZEZ35Fhvuc
I thought of Al definitely today, but I made some free time for my mind. I am tired tonight but in a good way. I wonder if I will be able to walk tomorrow………
About Al? and his day? I felt bad for him. He was seeing flowers with no tops and squirrels running around. I hope after his body adjust to the new increase of pain medications this will cease. He wasn’t in a bad mood nor happy. He was just being there, sitting in a wheelchair. I took him outside to get some fresh air. He ate all of his lunch. He cried when it spilled on his lap. There were times that he was very confused about the days and what was going on. Is this something he and I have to get used to in order to keep him pain at minimum??????
Most of us are excellent at being self-deprecating, and are not so good at the opposite. Tell us your favorite thing about yourself.
When I was a young child, one of the biggest sayings that was repeated to me daily was, you are to be seen and not heard. Now it is the total opposite, speak about yourself.
How does one take something embedded in their mind and turn it around full circle? This is a very difficult task for me. All I have to go on is the numerous comments that I have heard.
I am beginning as a toddler beginning to walk, to accept these comments as truth. Now please do not misunderstand me. It isn’t that I don’t believe what YOU are saying about me. It is ME being able to believe it about myself.
Growing up and realizing that my duty as a female was to get married and have children. Check on this, I completed this task. Did the marriage last? No it did not. My children are still in my life though, as far as I am concerned. LOL I have had many issues with the self accepting the fact that my children do not look at me as they once did. I thought it was a forever fairy tale thing. Kids always wanting to be close to mom, but alas, they grow up and build their own worlds.
I believe that through my own disappointments and suffering in my own life, I have become who I am today. I can quickly feel another souls pain and searching for someone who cares. I feel like I am very sensitive to others needs. I may not always be able to help in ways that one wishes I could or would, but it doesn’t mean my heart is not there.
The word compassion is;Compassion is the virtue of empathy for the suffering of others. Empathy is something that I have developed and toned. I was not born with it. We are born with sponges waiting to be soaked up with information. We are taught to believe what has been ingrained in our heads.
It is our duty as a human to walk paths of life and find the point of where we fit in and feel comfortable with our own skin. We take a part of our past and mix it with our own maturity and hopefully we have in the end molded a statue of uniqueness and beauty.
It has felt so odd to speak of me in this manner. It is like taking the floor yesterday at the care plan meeting. All eyes were on me as all eyes are searching my words now. With the help of you and God leading me by the hand, I believe in my place on this earth I carry compassion and empathy. Please do not think I am tooting my own horn. I am definitely not. My mother would say that I am bragging about myself and my father would shake his head and walk a way, but for you my blogging friends, I think you understand exactly what I am saying and where I am coming from.
Do you have any idea what it is like hearing the words, you aren’t old enough? Alright, I admit, we are seniors, my brother and I, but yet we aren’t. We can get discounts at restaurants, but if you try to get help from an organization, then you are definitely NOT a senior. I decided this morning, that I was going to spend my free time finding me someone in this city to help give me the break I so need. I am thinking at the least, two hours a week. This isn’t asking too much, do you think? When you count the hours in a week, this isn’t even worth mentioning. I started off by calling the Parkinson’s Foundation, first thing. They had no help, they don’t offer any type of respite care. They actually do, but Al doesn’t fit the criteria, because he isn’t old enough. For heaven’s sake! What other rules are out there that we have to abide by? They told me when he was sixty-five, they could set him up with some help. The advised me to call Real Services, and ask for the aging department. I hung up and dialed the number I was given. When I got to the right department, I was informed, this had nothing to do with his age. Wonderful! They would love to be of help to us. Great! The program they once had for volunteers was over. Darn it! They told me that they have reached out and no one will volunteer anymore. Everyone wants paid, and there is no funding any longer due to the changes from the President. Programs are being cut left and right for the people who actually need them. Now I don’t know if I fall in to the category of actually needing them. Need? That is a powerful word. Will I die if I don’t get some relief? Most likely not. Could this affect my health by being run down constantly? Probably. If anything should happen to me, then my medicare would gladly help me out in a hospitalization situation, but who will care for Al while I would be in the hospital? Well, I need not go further in to this discussion, because I know in my heart that God will keep me safe for Al’s sake. I am just frustrated right now, so I am venting. This is what WordPress is for, right? To vent, to get emotional support? Real services told me to contact a church. There is a church that we have attended, and Al has attended many more years than I have, so I decided to give them a call. I spoke to Kathy, who is so very nice, and knows Al well enough. She took down some information, and is going to try her best to help, but said there was no promises. I can appreciate this. I am just happy that she is making an effort to help us. I wish mom and dad were still here.