Visiting Al Today

LTjg Ann Bernatitus, (NC), USN. Albert Murray,...

I went to see Al today and I did not get to stay very long. When I walked in to the room his face was a frozen mask. I see this much more often than I used to. He still has his moments of alertness but they are beginning to grow thin.

I saw a boo-boo on his forehead and asked him what happened, as I saw blood seeping through. He stated that he had run into the bathroom door last night through the night. I said wow, that must have hurt, and he nodded his head yes.

It is getting difficult to see what kind of mood he is in with his face in a blank stare, but he did tell me he was sorry that I had come out, because he did not feel well, and he wanted to sleep so bad. I saw his eyes nodding more and more and so I let him go to sleep.

On my way out the nurse said that he is becoming more confused and I agreed with that I had seen it also. He is using the wheel chair more and more, and I know that he feels like everyone is laughing at him. I told him I understood, but it was alright to use it. It is better to ride the wheel chair instead of falling. The nurses and aides are having to push him up by the arms to keep him standing. His poor legs are just getting tired.

It looks odd to see a six-foot man not be able to hold those legs up, but we can not see what is going on inside of the muscles and nerves. I so wish I could just stop it all for him. He is napping more and more, but yet at times you can see him joke around with the nurses and smiling. His words are soft-spoken now and the words all become together, making it hard to understand what he is saying. He is stuttering quite a bit now.

The nurse just called me and said Al is really confused tonight. He can’t remember her name and he asked for pain pills, and she said she would go get him some. She told me when she went in his room to give them to him he was sitting stark naked. She asked what are you doing, and he replied waiting for my pills. She said naked? He said, am I naked?

My poor brother. My heart breaks at what this nasty old mean Parkinson’s Disease is doing to him. My friend tells me he is going to get so much worse, and I believe her, because she has so much more experience with the disease than I do, but I am fighting it. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want it to get worse. I want my baby brother back. What if he forgets who I am………


58 thoughts on “Visiting Al Today

    • thank you Marilyn. I will always hold a special place in my heart for you and your husband. you gave Al something to talk about for a long time with that special hat. I am so glad you met him before now.Merry Christmas my friends


      • Terry, I know it’s not the same as close-enough-to-touch, but you have so many people “here” who care about you. Bigger than any worldly house, you have created a loving home here with your blog. This is a horribly difficult transition for you and Al. Take as much comfort as you can in your friends here, and knowledge that the expressions and voice may fail, but the soul is everlasting.
        Love and hugs,


      • you are so right. I have a mass family here who loves me and is so supportive. When I hear the silence around my home, I so wish for noise, but then you have reminded me to fall back on a family that is so full of love and heart. Thank you for setting me straight my friend


  1. It’s very painful when your mother or your sister or your brother Al forgets who you are, but it’s more bearable when you realize he knows someone who loves him is close by. That’s a good feeling.


  2. My heart hurts for you as I read this post. My brother has battled with mental illness for 20 years, and I have had a hard time not being able to help him especially during times of severe crisis. There have been times when I thought he was completely lost to us, retreating into a world where he didn’t know us. I feel your pain. I will keep you and your brother in my prayers. Stay strong and keep the faith.


    • thank you so much Misswordy. you understand and it makes it easier for me to know the support you have for Al and me. I try very hard to keep strong through out this. My faith quivers but God picks me up over and over


  3. you will carry memories for both of you. yes he may forget you and yet he will carry the love he has shared with you for the rest of his days. one thing we all seem to have in common is wanting to be remembered.


  4. I don’t think my mother knew who I was the last time I saw her before she died. She knew my friend that I took with me to the hospital to visit her, but not me. It’s a strange feeling. But God is with Al and looking out for him. And He will give you strength to get through this.


    • thank you for being so supportive my friend. I am trying to hard to get on with my life but it is a slow process. actually going to be thankful when the holidays are over. sort of going on to new business……..


  5. My heart continues to break for you and what you are going through. What everyone is saying is right. Even if Al does forgets your name, he will always know you as someone who loves him and is always there for him. God bless you.


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.