I went to see Al today and I did not get to stay very long. When I walked in to the room his face was a frozen mask. I see this much more often than I used to. He still has his moments of alertness but they are beginning to grow thin.
I saw a boo-boo on his forehead and asked him what happened, as I saw blood seeping through. He stated that he had run into the bathroom door last night through the night. I said wow, that must have hurt, and he nodded his head yes.
It is getting difficult to see what kind of mood he is in with his face in a blank stare, but he did tell me he was sorry that I had come out, because he did not feel well, and he wanted to sleep so bad. I saw his eyes nodding more and more and so I let him go to sleep.
On my way out the nurse said that he is becoming more confused and I agreed with that I had seen it also. He is using the wheel chair more and more, and I know that he feels like everyone is laughing at him. I told him I understood, but it was alright to use it. It is better to ride the wheel chair instead of falling. The nurses and aides are having to push him up by the arms to keep him standing. His poor legs are just getting tired.
It looks odd to see a six-foot man not be able to hold those legs up, but we can not see what is going on inside of the muscles and nerves. I so wish I could just stop it all for him. He is napping more and more, but yet at times you can see him joke around with the nurses and smiling. His words are soft-spoken now and the words all become together, making it hard to understand what he is saying. He is stuttering quite a bit now.
The nurse just called me and said Al is really confused tonight. He can’t remember her name and he asked for pain pills, and she said she would go get him some. She told me when she went in his room to give them to him he was sitting stark naked. She asked what are you doing, and he replied waiting for my pills. She said naked? He said, am I naked?
My poor brother. My heart breaks at what this nasty old mean Parkinson’s Disease is doing to him. My friend tells me he is going to get so much worse, and I believe her, because she has so much more experience with the disease than I do, but I am fighting it. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want it to get worse. I want my baby brother back. What if he forgets who I am………
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Be strong! And please give Al a big hug and kiss for me!
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I sure will my friend!!
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Hi Aina! I have nominated you for the Super Sweet Blogging Award. I hope you accept!!
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Ok, will do! Hope both you and Al are ok!
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Al lives in a nursing home now. He is doing as well as can be expected
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So hate hearing of him going down so fast…You would have never been able to keep him in your care …so you and him made the best decision you could…all I can say is… love to the both of you…and God bless!…mkg
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thank you Marilyn. I will always hold a special place in my heart for you and your husband. you gave Al something to talk about for a long time with that special hat. I am so glad you met him before now.Merry Christmas my friends
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It doesn’t sound like he is doing well at all, Terry. I’m so sorry. I pray that the Lord gives him comfort and peace now, and that he gives you strength and comfort for what you are having to face.
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It is breaking my heart. i only wish I had all of my kids with me for support. I so need someone who cares around me
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Terry, I know it’s not the same as close-enough-to-touch, but you have so many people “here” who care about you. Bigger than any worldly house, you have created a loving home here with your blog. This is a horribly difficult transition for you and Al. Take as much comfort as you can in your friends here, and knowledge that the expressions and voice may fail, but the soul is everlasting.
Love and hugs,
Melanie
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you are so right. I have a mass family here who loves me and is so supportive. When I hear the silence around my home, I so wish for noise, but then you have reminded me to fall back on a family that is so full of love and heart. Thank you for setting me straight my friend
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He may eventually forget your name or be able to say it but he will never forget you are his sister and someone who loves him very much…Diane
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i so hope you are right. I am not sure if I could deal with that of him not knowing me
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Meditate on and rejoice in the good times. Surely joyful memories will get you through!! Both of you are in my prayers. May the peace of God embrace you.
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thank you Single. God is the only reason I have been able to walk this far. Without him I am nothing, but I can not lie and say my heart is not breaking
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It’s very painful when your mother or your sister or your brother Al forgets who you are, but it’s more bearable when you realize he knows someone who loves him is close by. That’s a good feeling.
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I think what you and others are saying, is that he will always know me and that I love him, but he may not remember my name, and I can deal with this. thank you
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My heart hurts for you as I read this post. My brother has battled with mental illness for 20 years, and I have had a hard time not being able to help him especially during times of severe crisis. There have been times when I thought he was completely lost to us, retreating into a world where he didn’t know us. I feel your pain. I will keep you and your brother in my prayers. Stay strong and keep the faith.
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thank you so much Misswordy. you understand and it makes it easier for me to know the support you have for Al and me. I try very hard to keep strong through out this. My faith quivers but God picks me up over and over
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My thoughts and prayers are, as ever, with you and Al, Terry. xoM
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hi Margarita, nice to chat with you tonight. I appreciate the prayers more than you know my friend. thanks for standing beside us as we go through this journey
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you will carry memories for both of you. yes he may forget you and yet he will carry the love he has shared with you for the rest of his days. one thing we all seem to have in common is wanting to be remembered.
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Why is it that we want to be remembered? You are right though, we all do. It is hard to accept that we live on this earth for so many years without leaving some sort of mark
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I don’t think my mother knew who I was the last time I saw her before she died. She knew my friend that I took with me to the hospital to visit her, but not me. It’s a strange feeling. But God is with Al and looking out for him. And He will give you strength to get through this.
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I think that this would be a strange feeling, and why did she know the friend? it is weird how the mind works when people are ill
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It sure is weird. She said some strange things, too, but I don’t remember now. It’s nearly 4 years since she died.
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Al does too at times. He had the nurse call me yesterday morning asking for his boxers. He hasn’t worn boxers for years……….hehe
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so sorry Terry. xo
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thank you Buck. So nice to get to see you again!!
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Al is doing a lot of the things Ants does – this deterioration is so painful for the sufferer and the carer. You know my thoughts are always with you Terry.
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I love having you by my side Julie. It is comforting to me
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I’m so sorry to hear this, Terry. It’s such a sad disease 😦 I wish you all the strengths to hold on! It’s really tough.
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Hi Angel! I have just nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award! I hope that you will accept this award and nominate your own deserving friends
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thank you Angel. It is so comforting to know I have a friend as kind as you. I am truly the lucky one here
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May the Good Lord keep you strong.
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Adetokunbohr, I have just nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. I hope you accept and carry on with your own nominations
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the Lord is so good. he has helped me so much to hang on. I need his help more and more as this disease progresses
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thank you so much for your support
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It is a cruel disease.
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I agree with you Tilly. I wish I could twitch my nose and make it disappear!!!
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Hi Tilly, I have nominated you for the Super Sweet Blogging Award. I hope you accept!
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Thank you, Terry!
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you are very welcome!
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Love and hugs, dear Terry. Praying for God to hold you close and Al too. I’m so sorry for how much this hurts you and hurts Al too.
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Debbie, your words are so comforting. I hold them in my heart, thank you
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This is such a sad post. I wish I had words to comfort you.
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you being here is all that is needed my friend
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Take comfort in knowing that you made the right decision about care. Visit him, love him, and continue to get on with your life. Al would want it that way.
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thank you for being so supportive my friend. I am trying to hard to get on with my life but it is a slow process. actually going to be thankful when the holidays are over. sort of going on to new business……..
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It is so hard to watch. I’m grateful that you have so many of us out here supporting you in your deep distress.
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oh I am so thankful for all of you. you all touch my life and heart. Merry Christmas Mona
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My thoughts are with you …. and with Al.
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thank you for being so supportive of us both Viveka………
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My heart aches for you seeing your brother in such a state. I pray peace and love for you and joy in the midst of it all for the both of you! Love in action.
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thank you Valarie. It was so nice to bring him home for Christmas. He did nap and claimed to be tired and worn out,but, I think he enjoyed himself, and that is what matters to me
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My heart continues to break for you and what you are going through. What everyone is saying is right. Even if Al does forgets your name, he will always know you as someone who loves him and is always there for him. God bless you.
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I am so hoping you all are right. That would be so sad if he forgot me
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Never!!
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