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Pain & Friendship

Pain & Friendship

There are moments we feel alone

And the world is standing still

Everyone is moving

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Pain & Friendship

Posted on January 11, 2014 by Who I am

Pain & Friendship

There are moments we feel alone

And the world is standing still

Everyone is moving

Against our very will.

When pain comes and hits us

We want others to feel it too

We think no one understands it

But we know some really do.

And through the moments we’re frozen

And our heart has swelled in pain

That one person out there

Will stand with you through rain.

Slowly our heart will melt

And the pain will fade a way

But when it again attacks us

That friend will walk with you that day.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd

01.11.2014

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What Is Going On Here????

What is going on that I can not see? I wish this was a story made-up in my mind, but I am afraid…

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What Is Going On Here????

Posted on July 2, 2013 by Who I am

What is going on that I can not see? I wish this was a story made-up in my mind, but I am afraid this one is true.

It started a couple of days a go. It was quiet in the house that day. I didn’t even have the TV on. I was folding clothes from the dryer and the baby monitor was sitting right beside me. The only sounds I could hear was my own breathing.

Suddenly out of no where the monitor started going off. The hairs stood up on end on my arms. My arms froze in mid-air as I was folding a towel. My breathing stopped immediately as I leaned closer into the monitor.

I listened and it stopped. Oh good, I was just imagining this. My mind must be wandering.

Then it happened again. I forced my feet to walk towards Al‘s room where the other half of the monitor sat. I stood at his doorway and looked in all directions. I saw nothing, not even an ant crawling on the floor. I walked all the way into his room and opened the closet doors every so quietly. I guess I was expecting the big bad man to jump out at me. “BOO”, but nothing.

I left the room and rubbed my arms trying to get the hairs to settle down. I came out to the living room and sat down and turned the TV on immediately, not wanting to hear anything again.

The sounds were like big static noises, but kind of eerie sounding. Almost like in syllables but not recognizable in any way. I didn’t hear anything again, and had not until today.

I have been at my computer and the sounds reappeared. They are different this time. I can plainly hear them. It sounds like someone is whispering or speaking or something. It comes and goes.

Actually this has been going on for about an hour now. I walked into his room with more courage this time but did not open the closet doors. I looked around much braver but ended up going back to my chair.

As I write it sounds like someone or something is saying hush, hush, and then I will get a big static sound. Something is going on here. I now feel like I am not alone and yet I can see no one. I know you think that I have probably gone wacky, but the more I am typing about it, the louder it gets. It isn’t stopping. What is going on here?

Little Voices or: When you just want to stab your brain (insidevoices.wordpress.com)

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Where Are You?

My brother is worse now than earlier today. He is hateful and mean. He told the aide that there was…

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Where Are You?

Posted on May 17, 2013 by Who I am

My brother is worse now than earlier today. He is hateful and mean. He told the aide that there was urine all over the floor. She and I checked but saw nothing. He was angry at his wheelchair. He was angry at everything, even life.

In the two hours I was there over supper I heard him talking about guns and death. He said he wished he was dead. I let everything I ever learn slip out of my right mind, as I sat in terror wondering where Al was in his mind.

I had even stopped at his old place at work, and chatted with his old boss. He gave me a hat and shirt to take to Al. I just knew that would make a world of difference. He gave me the tiniest of smiles but that was it. He didn’t want to try the hat on or even hold it.

His head was about an inch from his plate. He seemed so weak, or tired or, oh crap, I don’t even know what the word is, different.

I am afraid for my brother, I can’t lie and try to make you believe that I just know everything is going to be alright, because I don’t.

I wonder where Al is in his mind. I saw glimpses but then he would disappear. I was a rattlesnake. My mouth hissed words out so fast. I know I was a rambling idiot, but evidently my fear was bigger than life at this time.

I came home and took a shower. I looked at all the crap back in my living room. The sale was a flop. I had like five people stop. Never again, or not for a long time will I have a sale. I donated Al’s too big clothing and a lot of my clothes to a shelter for men/ women about half an hour a way.

Someone can get use out of these. Right now I wish I could donate everything that reminds me of Mom, Dad, Al, myself and Parkinson’s. I am not depressed, I am scared, and partially numb.

I am waiting on a call from the nursing home, as they have given Al more than ample hours to act more like himself, but he didn’t make the mark.

Oh, Al, where are you baby brother…………