This morning I woke early. the daylight was just beginning to appear. I felt shame as soon as my brain allowed me to begin thinking. I am ashamed because I am weak. I must be playing games with myself, believing to be this strong christian woman, but showing the world that I need help and prayers. Instead, I should be on bent knee, with silence all around, talking to God, and letting him know how I feel. Asking him for a miracle, or an understanding of why this is happening in my brother’s life. I go through out my days, talking to God like he is my best friend. Many times I do not start out our conversations with Dear Father. I start them like I would if you and I were sitting here sharing a conversation and drinking our coffee. Maybe I am not respectful enough to God. Maybe I have become to comfortable, and am doing all the speaking and forgetting to listen to the answers he is giving. I am guilty of being so involved with caring for my brother, that I do not take that few moments of my day in the beginning, to just sit and humble myself in his eyes. I have grown accustomed to just talking to him like an old friend. I had many dreams last night, most I do not remember this morning, but there must have been one that entered my sub conscience strong enough to make me feel like I have given all of you the opinion that I am not a believer, and that I am very weak. Today, I will try harder. Today, I will ask God for more help. Today, I will start to write more stories that will entertain you instead of making you feel pity for me. Today, I will make changes.