Ghosts From The Past


The Satan Pit

I went to see my brother today. He knew that I was coming to take him out to lunch. He had been lying down, but when I arrived, he got up and smiled at me. We put his jacket on and took off.

All through lunch, when ever I glanced at him and he at me, he smiled. A peaceful, innocent smile. I was so happy. I had asked God to bring a peaceful lunch and he answered quickly. Thank-you God for answering me so promptly with this request.

He did not want to go any other places so we went back to his facility. I had brought him some surprises, and he had opened the first one, when a strange lady walked in and walked over to us, and looking at Al handed him a clear jar of candy taffy pieces.

She introduced herself as a very good friend of our aunts. When she mentioned the name of the aunt, Al started to cry. Huge tears fell, and he told her to leave and to take her candy with her. This woman refused. She is in her late sixties at least, and neither Al nor I had ever met  her. Where was this strange woman’s respect for other humans?

There are many bitter feelings from the past five years, that Al and I carry. I, have forgiven these people, but when their names have come up, the wounded heart comes torn a bit more. Al is different. He forgets nothing about the past, and so he carries his pain as fresh as if his heart was  hurt yesterday.

Al asked her to leave once again, and the lady said no. I had sat there observing and listening, allowing my brother to fight his own battle, but when he could not get her to leave, I stepped up to the plate. I hit the ball right to her, asking her to leave, that she was upsetting him, and she placed her hands on her hips, and said,” I would like to see you make me leave”.

Now I am a very compassionate person, but I can also be a mama bear protecting  her cub. I stood closer to her and I said again,”Please leave this room now! He has asked you and as you can see, you have him crying”. She would not move from her spot. So I moved her by getting in front of her nose and forcing her out the door of his room. She continued to talk loudly making Al to cry harder, and finally the nurse came forth and told her to leave. Still, she would walk up to his room and stand out in the hall and wave and giggle. I think she was some crazy nut!

I walked back into Al’s room and also one of the aides came in and she and I tried to calm Al down. It took some doing and he calmed down, but it should not have happened in the first place. I have lightly touched on the fact, that our family, what little is left, had abandoned us after our father died five years ago.

I sent letters to some of these people, using Al’s words, do you remember? Back this summer, he thought he was dying, so he had me write these letters. None of these people ever responded. In five years, no one has called, and my number has never changed. No one has ever asked how Al is doing, nothing. Now, they are coming out, but there is no one there to help Al, as I am not there every minute of the day.

I don’t know what these people expect to see or find. When there are hurt feelings, sometimes they are easy to come back to life. We have been having this problem for a couple of weeks now. I hate it, because they know by now that their visits are unwelcome, but yet they come.

The facility is going to start banning people and their names will be on a list of do not enter. I wish it did not have to be this way, but for Al’s sake, there is no other choice. I look at Al as a sick man who is in pain all of the time. He cries a lot already, so why should he have to cry even more by people out of curiosity only. In the end what matters to me is my brother. I can not take the time to consider each person’s motives, I don’t have the time. I will fight to the end to keep people out of Al’s life if this is what he chooses, and he does at this time.

One more thing I may add to this sad afternoon is this; Satan, you heard me ask God for a peaceful lunch with my brother, and you got mad. You decided to send in the army to destroy us. You did hurt my brother. For heaven sakes, the man is slowly dying. Let him alone. Deal with me Satan. I am stronger, and I will chew you up and throw you back to the pits of hell. Leave Al and me alone, we don’t need your help!

40 thoughts on “Ghosts From The Past

  1. Call me cynicalbut I fear they are crawling out of the woodwork to see what they can try to get their hands on believing that because you can no longer keep Al at home the end is near. get that list made aand handed to the home screw hurting peoples feelings Al peace of mind is more important

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    • you are exactly right and the list is being made tomorrow with another visit from me. it would be different if any of these nosy people had ever said one word all these words. I think they think that because he is in there, i no longer have P.O.A., but they are mighty wrong. I will be there for him , and thanks today’s episode, my sadness is gone and my armour is back in place and i am strong. thank you for making me stronger unwanted visitors!!!!!

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  2. Wow! It’s hard to believe that other people don’t respect your brother’s wishes and privacy. Thanks for sharing your story!

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    Kind Regards!

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  3. I am glad you had a good lunch together. It is good the facility will keep a list and help you keep out the unwanted visitors. It is hard to believe people will go where they are clearly not wanted. Keep up your strength. You are doing a great job.

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    • after this happened, i drew more strength from somewhere, maybe God, and am ready for what they dish out. no one if i can help it, is going to make my brother suffer more than he already is!

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  4. I loved that you did get to have a good lunch with Al . .. and the smiles! 🙂 Ggrrr about the lady. Praying now as you take steps to keep those out that Al does not want to see. God bless you as you stay strong and fired up!

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    • my son tried to make me feel guilty tonight. he thinks I should tell Al that they should all be allowed to see him because he is sick. he says I can change his mind and tell him that it is ok now since he is sick. that family needs family. i don’t know what to think

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      • But, why, all of a sudden is it so different? Where was all the concern while you were taking care of Al all by yourself? Excuse me and please don’t get angry with me, but I say, to hell with them all!!

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      • because for one I am not there 24/7, so they are trying to be nosy and number 2, they are nosy. if they cared about Al they would have let him and I know before three or four years have gone by

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  5. It is just a suggestion but maybe you could ask the people at the home that if anyone comes to see him that is upsetting to him and they keep coming…that you suggest that the police put a restraining order in place and if they continue …they will be charged…I know that sounds extreme but you can’t be there all the time….They are very weird and unpredictable people it seems…just a thought…Diane

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  6. No one can hurt you the way family can. I don’t mean to offend you, but your son is as wrong as two left shoes. Just because they are “family” doesn’t mean they should come circling round like the buzzards they are hoping to see something they can go back and gossip to the rest of the family about. Better to be alone for a lifetime than suffer the abuse of relatives like that!

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    • My dear friend, you have no offended me in any way. I often ask myself where were these family members these past five years. When Al was in pain and I was suffering in my own ways from his illness, where were they……………..you are right, better to be alone than suffer abandonment by family

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  7. Your son’s view is interesting – not sure I agree though, not when it is upsetting Al. But this woman was a stranger I believe? Not family at all. Very strange behaviour indeed.

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    • she claimed to be the best friend of an aunt who lives out of state. i thought and thought about it but in the end it is Al I kept coming back to. He remembers the past and at one point in our lives we used to be able to share our thoughts and views. I honestly feel that these family members have ignored us, our calls and our letters and now come out. I am sticking by Al’s wishes

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  8. Pingback: Finding my demons « bluedeckshoe.com

  9. We do have to take care of our loved ones…It could be they are feeling guilty after all those years of abandonment …and trying to make themselves feel better by visiting…I would hold my ground…Al doesn’t need to be upset or you for that matter…You have had to do it all…so they should respect your and Al’s wishes…

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  10. I was thinking the same thing as Paula as I was reading this! People can be so small and greedy. Do all you can to keep these bloodsuckers away from Al!!

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