360 Turn-a-Bout


Well, it was short-lived. A beautiful, magical 24 hours where Al was at peace with himself and the world. But last night he did a 360. At 8pm he suddenly became confused. He didn’t know what day it was, nor time.

He was concerned whether Stacy, the caregiver would be here this morning. He was and still is restless. He says his hands are creeping and frozen. When he comments this, he is telling me his hands feel like they are moving and yet frozen in place at the same time.

The sleep I dreamed about getting two nights in a row didn’t happen. In fact, I didn’t sleep at all last night as he kept calling me in his room to repeat his fears.

This morning the caregiver came and she gave him a bath. I trimmed his moustache. She and I really doted on him but he just cried and cried. He was fearful of dying today. He has seen shadows in his room for a couple of days.

He hasn’t seen our parents or Jesus for some time. The shadows have replaced them I am thinking. He has me say a prayer for him each evening but this morning he asked me to pray for him. His request was for me to ask God to send Mom here.

I can’t pinpoint what the issue really is. Is he afraid of dying or is he afraid of dying alone. Other wise why would he have me ask God to send Mom here to help him go home. I have said about everything possible I can think of.

I have followed all leads that you have given me. I thought we had this whole thing licked when he was so calm and comfortable those 24 hours. I was just in there and I rubbed his arms. His veins are popped up as if he has been working on huge weights at the gym.

I am so hoping that as I am writing this he has drifted off to sleep as it is quiet through the monitor. He refuses to have any noise in his room and no light on at all. Pure silence is what he is requesting.

I know I am a repeater as of late, but I am coming to you once again to pray for that calm to return. I am asking you to say the same things I ask God for. To ease Al’s fear of dying and to let him go gracefully.

In my wildest nightmares that I have been having lately, I see Al screaming and crying as God is lifting him home. I don’t want this to be a reality. I am strong as you say, but I am no Super Woman.

So please stick with me friends, I am pleading for your help once again.

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65 thoughts on “360 Turn-a-Bout

  1. I don’t have any easy answers either.. the only thing I can suggest is to reassure him that whenever God chooses to bring him home…he will not be alone… If it is not Jesus that will take him.. there will I believe anyway… angels…. that is my own belief… but he will not be alone… Of course I will be praying for him and you … Diane

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    • I tell this to him all the time but I just can’t seem to reach him. It is so frustrating. I understand his fears but I can’t calm him. I understand I can’t stop the dying process but he doesn’t

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  2. Terry, am there with you in my heart and mind, always…I think about you every day and hope for Al to be at peace…my love to you, and hugs to you…I have your hand in mine…

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  3. In the condition Al is in…I don’t find this unusual…it is a daily process…waking up to whatever it brings…Sicknesses react on us so cruelly sometimes…then will do a 360 as you say…
    I know your nerves…patience and strength are so frazzled…has to be!…Continued prayers and thoughtss going your way…Just picture us with all of our arms wrapped around you and Al…Peace be to you!

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  4. You and Al are both in my thoughts and prayers. May you both feel peace today, and both get the rest you need. I pray that God fills your home with his comfort during Al’s remaining time with you, and that his days of anxiety and stress will diminish and he feels God nearer to him. I pray the fragrance of Christ literally fills your home, a fragrance of peace, comfort, joy, and hope. Sending you and Al love and light.

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  5. So sorry to read your post and my prayers to one and all at tbis time. If I can offer some observations it common for a patient to pick someone to help them in the final days. It is not always a living person but someone that brings them great comfort and peace. No doubt his mom is there and will come to him in time

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  6. Often Terry it is in the silence we sense God’s presence the most and especially when we really don’t think he is there. I am absolutely positive Jesus is there with you both and has never left your sides.

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  7. my friend my heart breaks for both of you i have no words that can help i can only say you are both in my thoughts and i will pray for both of you and i will hope for you that you find the peace strength support that is needed but in the end this is truly a most difficult time and if i could do anything at all to help you know i would, i send you every ounce of love and more that i have and soft hugs for you both
    praying for you, thinking of you and wishing for you all that you hope for
    xx

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  8. Terry, as I read this post, tears started welling and then flowing. I believe in our good and gracious God but I can’t claim to know his plan or understand how he sets the time frame for it. As for that saying that God never gives you more than you can carry, I’ve seen that that isn’t necessarily true. Sometimes, I think God gives you more than you can handle sometimes to give other people a chance to help carry the load. I think all of us who follow your blog and respond are trying to do that the only way we know, with prayers and compassion, and I hope both offer you and Al some comfort. Imagine a tight heart-felt hug from a dear friend, and accept this one from me electronically.

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    • I do accept your hug. I know I could not get where I am today if it were not for you and so many others hugs and prayers. Thank you so very much for being a friend to me

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  9. He may be seeing shadows because I was told by hospice that eyesight is the first sense to go. Hearing is the last. I will continue to pray for you and AL and for his peace as well. I am happy you at least got that 24 hr break and at least he was able to rest peacefully for a while. Take care my friend and hang in there.

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    • He definitely has blurred vision. The muscles behind the eyes don’t work to help him focus anymore so you may be right. I am still hoping for a better night tonight. Hugs and thank you

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  10. Dearest Terry, Your wish and request is honored. I will pray for Al to be taken home gracefully, his fears to disappear, the calmness to return to your home and when the time comes – he goes in peace and comfort. Love you so very much!!!

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  11. I definitely hold you & AL in my prayers. I hope today is a better day/night for you both.
    Poor Al – I can’t imagine the roller-coaster of emotions that he is going though. He is truly blessed to have you as his sis taking care of him. I hope you realize how much of a wonderful person you are – because you are.
    {Hugs} to you & Al

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