On a Fall evening, the air was humid and thick. Breathing was difficult, fog was setting in early. I sat on the wooden bench outside my home.
No one else seemed brave enough to come out so I sat alone. It seemed strangely quiet with no one to chat with, so I let my mind wander and visited with my own thoughts.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could vision leaves being shaken. A black squirrel was racing across the branches, working on gathering nuts for the cold season nearing. I watched a possum swiftly cross the street as it made its way to the back of our building, hoping to find a snack or two.
My thoughts went back to when I didn’t used to live here. I revisited the different homes I had resided in and graded each one on the pros and cons. I narrowed it down to two. The home I grew up in and the home I lived in a a nearby, little town.
Our home overlooked a small channel. I remember lots of swimming, and fishing, my kids laughing. I remembered my son making cookies with no recipe. My daughter growing up and liking boys. My other son who had this one friend, and the two seemed inseparable.
I was happy, or so I thought. I also remember disaster happening. A divorce was nearing. My life tumbled and has seemed to tumble ever since.
I have never had that same type of peace enter my life since. Although there are good things too. My kids and I seem stronger in our relationship than ever before. They may not like some of my decisions; but they still love me and emotionally support me.
I have beautiful grandchildren who love me. I am alone now in my life, yet surrounded by wonderful friends. One of my friends here has to have a by pass this month. It makes me stop and ponder on myself.
My age has always been a fear factor. Although I am pretty sure I am going to heaven, I fear the dying process. I think about how I am only two years younger than my friend who is going into surgery, and I thank God, for my falls, and lack of not being able to stand well or walk long.
It could be worse. I could be facing open heart surgery, or not walk at all. I could be living in the streets. I could have children that turned their backs on me. I could be hungry or many other things.
Yes, I have this illness, but we all have something going on in our lives, right? We have our doctors, and family and friends who support us emotionally. We are never truly alone, as our angels and God surround us at every minute.
My mind came back to the present. Still no one had came out to sit. The squirrel had become quiet, the possum had disappeared. I stood up and grabbed hold of my walker. I smiled, thanking God for gifting me with all I had; including the bad stuff.