Speak; Let it Out

What are some thoughts that go through your head when your feelings are hurt? I know for me, sometimes I get hurt for the wrong reason. I am saying; my emotions come first and then intelligent reasoning comes second.

I felt that way yesterday. A very special person in my life  hadn’t contacted me for sometime. Hurt built  up in me for days and weeks. I think this is one of the biggest problems I deal with daily.

Fear of saying something, making someone else upset, losing contact for a while, or losing period that friendship. The better way for me to handle it; is to be brave and speak up in a  non-defending way.

What I should do is contact the person immediately. Express my concerns, listen to the response, and then, hopefully, all will be dissolved.

What is my reason for holding back? I wish I knew. I can look back on my childhood and see one thing that stands out strong. I was a people pleaser. I was a child of two moms and one dad. In my small mind, I wanted to be accepted and loved. I outdid myself in so many situations to get praise.

What I don’t understand is the reason I must have felt and still do today is that people will leave or friendships will dissipate. Now why does that frighten me? I sometimes wonder if my real mom  leaving my childhood was a part of it.

As an adult, I see and understand, she did me a favor by leaving my young life.  Is that enough to carry this big bag of garbage throughout my life? I don’t know. I just wish I could stand up like I see others do and speak my feelings.edfd24d01020a5e69b79eaa006274dd5


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