Within two hours this morning I had changed a complete bed for Al because of his excessive sweating. Hospice was here this mid-morning. There were several phone calls on her end, many conversations with Al and now he is on his way to the Hospice house. They are going to try to adjust medications or find something to help Al’s tremors and see if they can get him to get some sleep.
In two days he has eaten about 20 % total each day. I packed some items for him. Clothing, shaver, tooth-brush, and of course three vintage cars.
And ambulance came and got him at 1pm and took him out on the gurney. I kept telling Al that he would be back in a few days. I told him like a broken record that I loved him.
When I could no longer stretch my neck anymore and see the ambulance I came back inside. Quiet, empty. I know that he will be back, God willing. I know he will be alright, he will be back before I know it. I just need to keep telling myself this.
We think it is the tremors that are causing him to not eat. As far as wanting to go to heaven, that is still utmost in his mind. Not being able to walk or barely stand is the M.S.A. I guess it is a combination of every part of this nasty illness.
Every web site I read about M.S.A. all state several things in common. The most frequent sentence I read is it is the worst debilitating disease I have ever seen. I am afraid I have to agree with this. It not only cuts your life short. It takes a way your dignity and pride and everything you could ever do before.
Last night there was a point when he said, ” I can see Mom. Her hand is reaching down to me.”
I gulped a little and said,” well Bud, just reach out and grab it. I will be alright. I want you to be able to get a new body and trade this in.”
As I was talking to him he stretched out his arm to the ceiling. He was reaching out for her. Oh Lord, I can’t talk anymore. I have to go. I just can’t deal with this right now, sorry.
Terry, take this time when Al’s medication is being adjusted to get some rest, some fresh air and a respite …
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I am going to try and get refreshed and reorganized for his return
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Dear one, you are strong and a wonderful caregiver. Only God can fix–we try to support Him. And you are doing that in amazing ways. Rest now.
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I am going to go to sleep, thanks AR, I think I am lucky to have you for a friend
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it is very sad Terry but at the same time I think it is reassuring to know that there are loved ones on the other side ready to recieve Al. He will not be alone.
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He definitely will not be alone and I think he will be smiling down on me. He promised to save a spot for me
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*giant bear hugs* go talk to rhino. You need comfort from someone who will just listen.
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he is such a big fatty. He loves me and Al. I like talking to you too, because you listen
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I have a gift for you my friend
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Aww. Thank you
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you are welcome!
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So many hearts ache with you. I hope you feel the love.
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I do, I definitely do. I am going to go lay down now, Talk soon Mona
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I am sorry Mona. I should not have been reading comments when I was so sad. I apologize for cutting you short today. Please know I do not usually do this
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It is always that big heart that makes us carry so much for others. Make sure you take time for yourself too. Giving, giving, giving…. can wear us down if we don’t let others give and refill our own tank. Quiet goes both ways, but you know how to reach if you need…. Hugs
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I will probably sleep a lot while he is gone
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I’m glad hospice is paying attention to Al’s symptoms and you get a rest for a few days! God loves you and I am praying for you–comfort, strength and peace. It must be hard to listen to your brother talk about dying, you are strong to be supportive and let him talk about it to you.
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it is what he is feeling. I can not take that a way from him. I let him talk, I listen, and sometimes give advice, that is about all I can do in that area. Yes it does bother me to hear him talk about dying. He is my brother and I don’t want to lose him but I don’t want to watch him suffer at my own selfish expense either. hugs
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Psalm 56:8(NLT)
You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.
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I am writing that down. I have read my bible so much but have a terrible memory when it comes to referencing what I need for Al. thanks Sparrow
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Okay Terry, after reading your post here you got me crying my eyes out for you both. Al is obviously ready to meet his maker, this is good, he’s accepting his fate. But i will still pray he has better days to come, i know you are looking forward to this. None of us ever want to see an an end to our circumstances of an ill loved one, we always think we can do more. And sometimes we can, God willing. It hurts, and it’s necessary for us to feel this sort of pain. This gives us a better understanding and appreciation of life and death…and life after death.
Stay strong in the hours to come my friend,. If need be…write, write, write all your deepest feelings down, then take the quiet hours to read them back to yourself. This is a cleansing, and it connects you a little closer to God. Try and relax and sleep in peace come evening. Clear your mind and focus on the now, that is, you being at home and preparing for Al’s return. I wish I was your neighbor, I wound be there for sure, to enjoy having a good long conversation with you and to help with the little things.
Email me your number, if I can find time this week, mid morning, I will call you so we can chat if you like. My son’s birthday is Wednesday and I am readying things here to except company. But i’m sure I can make time for you.You know, sometimes a bending ear is a sweet comfort.
My email is dc45502@yahoo.com. From my cell phone there is no LDcharge.
Warmly,
Dianne
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I emailed you
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Sorry but I didn’t get an email from you!!! Put something, like your name, in the subject line so I will recognize who its coming from.
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thinking of you…mkg
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I think of you often and your bare foot feet, LOL
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so funny…that’s me…sitting here with no shoes!
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I knew it!!!! LOL
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This MSA is the pits.
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I think it sucks big time!!! LOL
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All knows and feels your love. You need to rest and sleep a lot, so you are freshfor his return. Big hugs
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I did sleep in this morning. I kept waking up and forcing myself back to sleep.lol
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Good 🙂
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I have a gift for you Ute
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? 🙂
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?
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Ute
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Oh my dear, Terry.
I’m so sorry that this is happening to the 2 of you. I got goosebumps reading it. I’m sending you all the love the universe will let me. Hugs to you and Al. Paula xxxxx
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thank you my dear friend
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I have a gift for you Paula
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You do? Are you going to make me tea and honey…ohhh with some of your cake? If so? I’ll be over soon. 🙂
I hope Al is okay? What you do for him is just amazing. I’m sure he’s glad your god gave you as his sister. Hugs xxxxx
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that sounds yummy!!!! I hope by now you have read my post about the Excellence!
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