When Three Become One

16th Parkinson's Unity Walk 2010 - Central Park, NYC - 04/24/10 (Photo credit: asterix611)

Very little sleep last night. Restless, stomach ache, acid reflex. Nerves were a mess from the prior night. Five am, I was still tossing and turning. Rolling from side to side, trying to get comfortable. Finally got up and used the ladies room. Back in my warm bed, I took two acid relievers. I think around five thirty, I finally fell asleep. I was woken up at eight forty-five am with someone letting me know he was up and ready for medications. Good going there sis. I had over slept! At least, he didn’t try finding the hidden medications and taking  them himself. I must be up, no matter how I slept. Today is shower day, and the caregiver was here. We spent a lot of time talking to him after his shower. My heart had the biggest ache in it and my stomach had this huge knot. We were explaining to him that regularly scheduled outings were not going to happen anymore. Tears streaming down his face, nose running, he put his hands up in the air and asked us both what had he done wrong. By that time, my tears were flowing along with his. Explaining to him about safety issues, constant stumbling, legs being weak from tremors, was all just going over his head. He did not understand. He said he was going to be confined to the house every day. He wanted to die. He was ready to die right now. I have no words to describe how this affected me. I looked at the caregiver and saw a tear in her eye. This was a very emotional time for all three of us who separately have our job to do, but together share the same pain, heart and soul.