On this post I am not going to beat myself up as my friends say to me. I do want to try and fix my problem. So what better place to go to get the help I need. I start my mornings rushing. The first thing I try to do is give thanks to God that I have one more day to cherish. I look outside to see the weather so I know how to dress.
I make the coffee. Before I get Al up I feel that I must clean the cat box. Sweep up the kitty litter so I don’t get it on my feet. Sometimes if I think about it I will wear socks upon getting out of bed. But then again, I will transfer it from my socks to the carpet. I try to make my bed. Feed the cat. Wash up and brush my teeth, get dressed.
By now I am getting tired because I still have to get Al up. So I race into his bedroom. I get him up. Take him to the bathroom. Scrub-a-dub him and dress him for the day. Shave him and then take him to the kitchen table.
I try to smile and ask politely what he wishes for breakfast, then I start that process. After his second or third bite I give him his medications. I try to force myself to sit down with him and smoke a cigarette and drink one cup of coffee. The problem is while I am sitting my mind is racing about what can I really be doing instead of sitting.
Before I put Al on the bus I have beds made and kitchen floor swept, dishes down, laundry is getting ready to be placed in dryer. On Thursdays like today, I have already changed both beds and it is washing.
Once he leaves I come in and take my own medications and eat my breakfast. Then I sit down to the computer or meet with Hospice. Maybe get groceries. I have to get groceries on Thursdays or Fridays. It is too hard to take Al to the grocery store so I feel like I have to get that done. Medication boxes need to be refilled.
Trash is constantly being gathered. I try to get out in my yard to do some yard work, but that doesn’t happen often. I think about the days I could go see my friend two hours a way but something always comes up.
Just sitting here reading what I have read makes me tired. A few hours after I have been up I want to take a nap. Sometimes I do, but not much. I will try to take a nap in the afternoon so I can be ready to tackle the evening when Al comes home.
What did I enjoy through the day? Not much really. It sucks, it stinks and I don’t know how I got this way. But, in real truth, I don’t know how to stop. I guess I want everything perfect. I want everything to run perfect. I want to prepare myself as much as I can for what ever may happen in the evening.
I even lay Al’s clothes out for the next day early today. That is crazy crap. No time for shopping usually. I have wasted it being to prepared. Prepared for what? A fire, tornado, break in, what?
How do I stop this? I really do believe in the words, slow down and smell the roses.
- Sick And Tired Of Going To Work Every Day While His Wife Stayed Home (thegoodmotherproject.com)
- Coffee. Just … coffee. (jimreynonew.wordpress.com)
- The Kitchen Table : More than Feeding (trinityfoodproject.org)
- Ten Ways to Help Someone in Personal Crisis (growingupwell.org)
- Woman jailed in drunken flap over forgotten kitty litter (obscurestore.typepad.com)
- Ready-To-Click: Kitty Litter Is Absolutely Not A Face Scrub (thegloss.com)
- Blogging for health (freshnewblog.wordpress.com)
- What your coffee says about you. (lifebeginswithj.com)