I Am In Heaven!

English: Two children enjoying a bubble bath

I don’t know what happened today while the shower lady was here, but I think I will not question it, nor will I make any unexpected noises in the house. I feel like I am back in my first apartment, when I left my ex. The little box I lived in was all mine, peace rang through out the walls. I lived it and loved it, and only gave it up once I started caring for Al.

Tonight, Al ate fairly well with no gagging or choking and he finished all of his supper. He told me after he was finished, that he was going to his bedroom to read his bible instead of staying out here with me and watching his two favorite shows, Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. I was a little shocked but said nothing. I cleaned up the kitchen and came over to my best friend here in the house, my computer. This is where I reach out to all of my good friends I have made through out the years.

Well time ticked by and still no Al. I got a tiny bit concerned and so decided to quietly tip toe in his room and make sure all was well, and it was, and I was greeted with a small smile. He has continued to stay in his room the whole evening. Of course, now that I have written this, he will be out here any moment. This is just the way life works, like saying your car is such a good running car, and then when you get in it tomorrow to go to work, the starter has gone out!

Well, after I realized he was not coming out, I quickly changed the television to the music station, and landed on the jazz from the forties, fifties, and sixties. How relaxing is this? Pretty darn relaxing! Cheek to Cheek by Mark Murphy is now playing. I had forgotten how much I love a good song. I am not being forced to watch American Pickers or Storage Wars. I am not saying I don’t enjoy them, but come on, the whole night long?

Then the creative juices started flowing inside of my tired brain. I peeked in on him once again, and still got the smile, so I sneaked into my bathroom and shut my door and lit my candles and ran myself a nice warm bath.

I love my bathroom, since I have fixed it up with oldies and Victorian items. Light the candles, and lie in a bubble bath, with only the glow of the candles bouncing their reflections of the walls and my bubbles.

I was in heaven, let me tell you. I have had the stiffest neck and shoulders for the last 24 hours, and although the pain is not entirely gone, most of it is. I took my time, soaking, then got out and dried off. I brushed my hair 100 strokes, until most of it fell out from old age. LOL. I got dressed in my pretty nightie and went into my bedroom and began to trim and file my toenails. Wow, I once again thought,  I am in heaven!!!!!

I am so thankful for what ever happened to give me these two quiet hours. God if this was you’re doing, I praise your name over and over on bended knee. If this had to do with our new shower girl, I whisper to you , a big thank you. One more thing, could who ever made this happen possibly make it happen again one day next week?????

The Rain, I Received This In An Email, And I Couldn’t Help But Shed A Tear

The Rain


It was a busy morning, about 8:30,

when an elderly gentleman in his 80’s arrived

to have stitches removed from his thumb.

He said he was in a hurry as he

had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat,

knowing it would be over an hour before

someone would to able to see him.

I saw him looking at his watch and

decided, since I  was not busy with

another patient, I would evaluate

his wound. On exam, it was
well healed, so I talked to one of the

doctors, got the needed supplies to
remove his sutures and redress his wound.

While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he

had another doctor’s appointment this morning,

as he was in such a hurry.
The gentleman told me no, that he needed

to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast

with his wife. I enquired as to her health.
He told me that she had been there for a while

and that she was a victim of Alzheimer’s Disease.
As we talked, I asked if she would be

upset if he was a bit late.
He replied that she no longer knew who he was,

that she had not recognized him in
five years now.


I was surprised, and asked him, ‘And you still

go every morning, even though she

doesn’t know who you are?’
He smiled as he patted my hand and said,
She doesn’t know me, but I still know who she is.’

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had

goose bumps on my arm, and thought,
 ‘That is the kind of love I want in my life.’
True love is neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is,

has been, will be, and will not be.

Last Evening and Even Today

Saturday, the caregiver from the new Home Health Care agency came, and gave Al his shower. She did a fantastic job and Al seemed to like her. We had also later in the early afternoon, taken him to the ER to see why he was limping so bad. He had a bakers cyst on the back of his knee, and it had grown a little, but no one will take it off, as the rehab is so aggressive, they stated  Al would end up in a wheelchair much sooner, from not being able to walk, from lack of the therapy.

We came home and he was teary, and a little whiny, and as the day drew closer to an end, he became more sad and irritated from his pains. I had asked the family doctor if there was some medication that we could change to, because he was suffering  from so much pain in his legs from the Parkinson’s Disease, but the doctor said no, there was nothing else, that was compatible with his heart medications.

As the evening became longer, Al turned into arguing and crying and asking so many questions that he had asked several times in the past. I tried to be patient, but after two hours of explaining myself over and over, I had a big basketball size headache, the back of my neck was throbbing and my two shoulders felt very stiff.

I told him I had to quit, that I was not able to answer his questions to his satisfaction, and there was nothing else I could do. I explained that after bed time medications, I would prefer to turn the television off and he could go to his own bedroom and watch his television and lie down to rest his legs. Even as the snacks came and went and I watched him make it safely to his room, the tears still continued to fall.

I went to my room and started praying. I told God I was sorry that I could not find the way to calm Al, that I could not get the tears to shut off. I told God I was afraid for myself, afraid that I would suffer from a stroke or heart attack, due to the constant stress. I asked him to guide me, and to forgive me for my sins of the day, and to help bring me sleep and rest.

This morning I awoke, and I did not say anything to Al when he came out to the kitchen. Today he managed to put his frozen french toast in the microwave and pour his own juice and milk. I just had to get his morning medications for him. I spent time on my emails, answering them, while he ate.

After he was finished he came over to the living room and laid down on the couch. Before long, the tears started again. I let out a sigh, as I did not want to start this again on a brand new day. I had tried my best to look nice, as today, I was going to be allowed to go get groceries, while the caregiver stayed here and showered Al and watched over him until I was back.

I will admit, it was nice to think about what I was buying. To remember what was in my cupboards and freezer, and to be able to look for sale items. Al did start the crying and letting me know about his pains. He wanted to know what he did to deserve all this and why I could not fix it. By the time the caregiver arrived, my shoulders and neck were hurting again.

I explained to the aid, that I needed more help. I needed the RN to get a hold of me to see if there was possibly something better for pain or even to help him forget about himself for a while. She is to call in about a half an hour. We chatted for a few minutes, while Al laid on the couch and wailed to the aid about his aches and pains. I just wanted to escape. I took my achy shoulders and neck with me, and left as soon as I could.

When I arrived home, Al was lying on the couch, and had a half-smile on his face. The aid actually came with me to the car to help bring the groceries in. Now that totally impressed me to the max!

Once inside I sat talking to her and signing the papers,showing she had been here, and she said that the two of them had chatted most of the time after the shower was over. She said that she had to help him get in and out of the shower chair, but this was no surprise to me, as I do to help in that area.

She went on to say, that he told her all about Storage Wars, and American Pickers shows. She said that they talked about coca cola, and the tears had dried up, and there was a tiny smile.

I finished up with her and walked her to her car, stating that this made me so sad. She said, what makes you sad, and I said that he does not cry with you, and he talks, and even smiles. She explained that he did cry in the shower, but  then it  stopped. She said she forced him to change the subject from him to something else, but she agreed that he needs a different medication for short periods of tears and complaining, like maybe Xanex, and I agreed.

I became sad because I want to be with Al without all of the tears also. I want him to smile when he is with me.I want him to be able to talk to me like I am his sister and not his dad. She explained that he was the same as when I was a young mommy with kids, that kids are always better with outside family members, then with mom and dad.  She said it is no different here. I sort of understood, but I didn’t like it. I felt like I do all the spoiling of him, cleaning up poop, showering, dressing, all of it, and all I get is tears, whining, and complaining.

I am trying to see it as she is saying it, but it is a slow process.  I do know that if for some reason, home health care does not work, there will be no other choices to go to, and I will have to make different arrangements. I am willing to give it a chance though, and I will continue to ask for patience from God while we journey this new path in the road.

sad boy

Continuing Story Part 21


Morning came, with dew remaining on the ground. Dahlia was woken by the tapping on her shoulder. She blinked her eyes open and guarded them with her hands from the sun. Opening them all the way, she stared up into the eyes of an old lady. The lady was tapping her again, asking her if she was alright, why was she out here all by herself. Dahlia jumped back a bit, startled by the stranger. She rubbed her eyes, trying to focus on what was happening.

Suddenly she remembered why she was here, she had been taken advantage of and had left her nice home. She remembered leaning her head on the tree, and now she realized she had fallen asleep and it was now daybreak.

She looked at the lady again, and murmured that she was alright. There was no broken bones or blood, she had just got too tired to continue her journey. The lady asked her what journey she was making and Dahlia said nothing, because it hit her that she had no plan, but to escape.

The old lady, named Ruth, took her hands and helped her to her feet. She told Dahlia that she would take her home with her, that she didn’t look like she had eaten, and she could use some cleaning up. Dahlia didn’t hesitate, and moving like a robot, she followed the directions being given to her. Together, the two of them walked back in the direction of where Ruth lived, neither of them saying too much.

Ruth’s house was not that far from Dahlia’s house. Dahlia judged that it was about two blocks on the other side of her school she had attended. Once the two ladies got inside the house, Dahlia began to take in her surroundings. Noticing that there was not much, but the house was clean, and their was a warmth to the rooms.

Ruth led her to the kitchen table, and began to prepare some eggs along side with some bacon. She poured her a stiff cup of black mud, and told her to sit down and eat, and after she had finished, she would show her to the spare bedroom where she could rest, and would show her the bathroom. Ruth stated that this wasn’t much, here at the home, but it was paid for and it was hers. Dahlia smiled, and  picked at her breakfast, her nerves still on edge from the day before.

Ruth sat across from her watching her eat, thinking she sure was a  picky eater. If that had been her own breakfast, she would have wasted no time getting the food down. Ruth asked her where she was from and without thinking, Dahlia said that she lived two blocks on the other side of the school. She caught herself, and stopped giving any information. She was supposed to be leaving this area. She didn’t want anyone to know where she lived. She picked up her speed a little, forcing the food to go down, so the questions would stop.

After the last bite was gone, Ruth stood up and took the dirty dishes to the sink, and led Dahlia to the bathroom and spare bedroom. Dahlia said the bedroom looked very cozy and Ruth nodded in agreement. She said this was where her granddaughter used to sleep when she would visit here at granny’s house, but now she was all grown up and had kids of her own.

Dahlia asked if it was alright to take a bath. She was anxious to remove all remnants of last evening, to scrub herself until her skin shined. She wanted to put clean clothes on and just lay down and rest.

When Ruth heard that Dahlia was in the tub, she sneaked over in to the spare bedroom and went through the bag, trying to find any information about this poor girl who seemed lost and so sad. She discovered without much effort, some books, and inside the books were her name and her address,along with a phone number, that said please call to return this book to its owner.

Ruth went to the phone and quietly called the number. Rachel answered the phone, and when Ruth said who she was and why she was calling, she could hear the lady on the other end of the phone praising God for delivering her missing boarder back to her.

Ruth explained how Dahlia seemed upset, and how her clothes looked and that she could tell that something was terribly wrong. She just knew that Rachel would be worried. Without any hesitation, Rachel told Ruth that she and her husband would be over in  no time at all, and to not let Dahlia escape from her house.

Ruth quickly laid the phone in its cradle, and walked into the kitchen, looking through her ice- box to see what she would fix the two for lunch.  Soon, Dahlia came to stand in the doorway, and announced that the bath felt so good, and that she was very thankful to Ruth for offering her home. She said that she would lie down if it was alright, and then after resting, she would be on her way. Ruth said nothing, but let her go rest.

Ruth then went to her rocker and turning on the television and keeping the voice low, she watched her programs waiting for this Rachel lady and her husband to show. She wondered what kind of people they were that what ever had happened would make this poor girl want to run away from home.

In no time at all Ruth heard a door knock at and getting up from her rocker she went to open the door, and there stood the nicest looking people she could have ever wished for. What ever was going on with the girl, these two lovely people could have had anything  to do with it.

Ruth invited them in and offered the two of them one of her nicest smiles. She turned the television off, and offered them the sofa to sit down on. Immediately the questions came. Where did you find her, what time did was it when you discovered her? Ruth slowly told Rachel and Ralph about how she was out taking her morning walk. At her age she had to do what she could to keep the body from stiffening up, and with laughter, she pointed to her creaky knees. Rachel and Ralph smiled at Ruth, seeing what a kind old lady she was, and thanking God that she had the sense to call them. They continued to chat, Rachel explaining that Dahlia was a boarder at her house and that she was attending the school close by, and was being educated for a dance instructor. Seeing something out of the corner of her eye, she looked up to see Dahlia standing in the doorway.