Right now I am starting to get Al’s clothes packed once again as he will be going to the Hospice house. He is no better and I can barely think. They, the doctors and nurses are going to tell Al he is going to be termed as bed bound.
I didn’t have the heart or the guts to take a way what he has left. But the truth is he can no longer stand, or rarely, and his body is tired.
I am torn up inside. Hospice says Al just can’t take anything anymore. They feel the only way to help him is have him bed bound so they can medicate him enough to stop the tremors pretty much. I just don’t know. I just don’t know.
The words do not come easy 
As I am choking up
My brother is going to leave
Me and tears shall fill my cup.
The silence of when he is gone
For even a few days
Gives new meaning to what is ahead
I can not even begin to say.
For although I hate M.S.A.
I know God has a plan
This is Al’s ticket to heaven
All we need to do is hold his hand.
The tears fall so easily
They pour as a flowing stream
My heart is cracked in fragments
Because this has shattered my brother’s dream.
He wanted to go to Atlanta
Where coca cola is made
He was invited by the president
But the plan was never laid.
And now I must accept
That one day he won’t be here
But I know that he will be in heaven
And his pain he will never fear.
Written by,
Terry Shepherd
Al’s sister
09/16/2013
Who I am 
There are no words Terry, only love and prayers and a million cyber hugs. One has to trust that the hospice people know what they’re doing and that they consider Al’s comfort the highest priority. I grieve with and for you and believe with all my heart, that a soul as wonderful as Al’s deserves to be at peace and his body free of this prison wherein this disease has incarcerated him. A better place, with your mom – relieved and free and happy. xo, m
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I want this for him so much too, and yet I have a tiny part that fights to hold on to him. Thank you so much Mimi. Big hugs for understanding
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I wish I could make you feel better. As you know, this is the next step….
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it is like a stair case. One step I get used to and then another step and then another step until I reach the top……….hugs
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Peace, Terry💦
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Hi my friend, thank you
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You know in your head they are right that does not make it any easier on the heart, all you can do know is be there and let him know that as much as you love him and will miss him that when he is ready to take your mums hand he does so with your blessing xxx
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you are so perfectly right. It is harder than anything I have ever done. Part of me is wanting him to remain, the other part is wanting him to be free
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Do you know the song “Whispering Hope”? Google it, find a Youtube. I think it will help you.
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I absolutely love that song. It is so beautiful. I am going to go listen to it again. Thank you for reminding me
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My thoughts are with you as you give Al his final gift – the gift of release from pain.
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thank you Mona, it is so hard, so very hard
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You know it’s the right thing to do. To help him. Although you know, it doesn’t stop it from hurting. I know it rips you apart inside. If there was anything I could say or do to help, I would. We are here for you Terry.
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thanks Alastair. I just want him to have the peace he deserves
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I know you do, and I understand the pain you are going through
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He will be relieved from pain and drugs, he will still be loved, and won’t suffer anymore. That is one thing I think Al is looking forward to. And yet losing someone you love slowly is so painful for you! I am crying with you Terry! Together it might be easier! Hold me tight and let go, cry and be comforted!
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I am holding you so tight your face is turning red…………………….
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Yay, feels good!
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Sweetheart remember to calm your fears in Christ who has every minute of our life accounted of… Al will not experience anything that will not serve him to becoming sanctified and ready to be received into his mansion ~ my heart is with you ~ Peace dear friend ~All is well according to Father’s perfect plan. xo
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I keep telling myself over and over those words, God’s perfect plan, it is the only way I stay sane
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Love to you both!
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we both love you too, always remember Al and the coca cola hat
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Thinking of you, Terry. This is so so hard. But your love is making it easier for Al, that is for sure.
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I miss him already. He is only an hour a way but it seems miles from me
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doctors Are Doing What They Are Trained To Do. If you Want To Keep Him Home And Can Afford To Have A Nurse Come To Check On Him Everyday, Then Do That. Let Him Go From His home Instead Of A Strange Place. If You Want To Work That Hard. if Not, Let Him Go where He Will Be Cared For 24-7. No Right oRWrong. It Will Be The Same process. medicate To Comfort. kidneys Will Stop working. Body shuts Down. You Can be At Hospice Just Like You Can BE At Home. All My Love And Strength With You Both. My Mom Took Care Of.My Aunt AT Home, My Sister With Her Mom-In,Law At Hospice. No wrong Here. Only Love.
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I understand what you are saying
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Sending love your way. All transitions are hard…this kind is the hardest by far.
Hugs
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yes it is, definitely yes
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Hugs and prayers
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thank you so much Len
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Hugs Terry! God is our refuge, our help in times of trouble. I’ll pray for you and Al tonight. Sorry to hear this news. Hang in there my friend.
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thanks Brian, am doing my best, God has my hand along with all of you
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My heart breaks for you.
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bless you for your support and love Julie
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my heart is breaking for you… sending love and hugs
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I will be glad when he returns home and things are back to our own definition of normal. I miss him a lot
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