Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

Now I lay me down to sleep

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

God bless Mommy, Daddy, Janae, Preston…

Remember that poem?

I am repeating it now

Because I need sleep

Phones ringing

Deliveries made

Restless mind wondering

Al came home tonight

Tremors followed                                                                     newborn

Tears right behind

Dear Lord

Please let me

Lay down to sleep

If you want to take my soul

Then please do it while

My eyes are closed

Just do me one favor God

Take care of Al for me.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd


Third Night’s a Charm

I know what people mean when the describe the good and the bad days, when there is a terminal illness. I have seen them both. It used to be good days most of the time. Now it is good days part of the time mixed up with a couple bad drinks swallowed leaving a sour taste in my mouth.

When Al came home from the Hospice house it was let’s throw a party time. Decorate the bedroom with coca cola streamers. Put the party hats on. Get the blow horns out. By Sunday the new medication that he was put on disappeared. It was like a magic show that stopped short in the middle of the act.magic showparty hats Put the party hats a way, tear down the streamers, because the party has just moved on.

Put on the sad face.sad-face Place the night-cap on because it is going to be a long night.night cap

This is exactly what happened Sunday and Monday evenings.

I didn’t go outside and enjoy the stars.flashing star I didn’t sit around the campfire shooting the shit.july 4th firepit

I stayed inside and listened to screams of wanting to die. I heard moans of pains.

The tremors and sweating were back in full force. Monday they were not quite as bad, but because of Al not having a Sphincter muscle sphincter muscleand the amount of pain pills he takespain pills he became constipated yesterday.constipation-3

After trying all the prescriptions I had on hand for him, plus the prune juice, apple juice and M.O.M. I was forced to once again call the nurse.telephoneNURSE JACKIE

It took a while but with the help of her and what she brought, Al found some relief.

Two nights in a row, we didn’t get to bed until 1a.m. Two nights in a row the Hospice nurse has been here.

Two nights in a row Al and I fell into bed exhausted.

I tried to get him to stay home today from day program, but he would not consider it. He was more like a rag doll this morning. Slow, mushy and no expressions.rag doll

I am hoping that he is laying back in his new wheelchair snoozing and I can tell you that I am hitting the couch as soon as I say goodbye to all of you.

I still have faith though. I have faith that this illness, M.S.A. needs a break and that tonight, it will be better.

Good night friends, I am off for a nap.