Now I lay me down to sleep,
If I should die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.
God bless Mommy, Daddy, Janae, Preston…
Remember that poem?
I am repeating it now
Because I need sleep
Restless mind wondering
Al came home tonight
Tears right behind
Please let me
Lay down to sleep
If you want to take my soul
Then please do it while
My eyes are closed
Just do me one favor God
Take care of Al for me.
I know what people mean when the describe the good and the bad days, when there is a terminal illness. I have seen them both. It used to be good days most of the time. Now it is good days part of the time mixed up with a couple bad drinks swallowed leaving a sour taste in my mouth.
When Al came home from the Hospice house it was let’s throw a party time. Decorate the bedroom with coca cola streamers. Put the party hats on. Get the blow horns out. By Sunday the new medication that he was put on disappeared. It was like a magic show that stopped short in the middle of the act. Put the party hats a way, tear down the streamers, because the party has just moved on.
This is exactly what happened Sunday and Monday evenings.
I stayed inside and listened to screams of wanting to die. I heard moans of pains.
The tremors and sweating were back in full force. Monday they were not quite as bad, but because of Al not having a Sphincter muscle and the amount of pain pills he takes he became constipated yesterday.
After trying all the prescriptions I had on hand for him, plus the prune juice, apple juice and M.O.M. I was forced to once again call the nurse.
It took a while but with the help of her and what she brought, Al found some relief.
Two nights in a row, we didn’t get to bed until 1a.m. Two nights in a row the Hospice nurse has been here.
Two nights in a row Al and I fell into bed exhausted.
I am hoping that he is laying back in his new wheelchair snoozing and I can tell you that I am hitting the couch as soon as I say goodbye to all of you.
I still have faith though. I have faith that this illness, M.S.A. needs a break and that tonight, it will be better.
Good night friends, I am off for a nap.
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