A Day of Drifting

I keep telling myself and you, my friends, that a particular day is Al and my worst day. But alas, I always seem to be in shock and amazed at how a new day can be filled with lack of words, too many emotions and numb feelings.

Knowing my brother was going to Hospice House for the second time. Another attempt at slowing down those terrible tremors scares me. These active tremors according to the doctors are what will end up making his heart become so tired that it stops.  We all realize by now that curing tremors with M.S.A. is not feasible. Maybe slowing them down for a few days, yes, but not permanently. The only real way to almost stop the tremors at this stage is too slow Al’s body to almost a halt, and this is what scares the hell out of me.

Yesterday I had to go have my meeting with Hospice and Al. This is where I learned he was going back to the Hospice House. After I left there the numbing medicine was already kicking in.

I somehow drove myself to the pharmacy and went inside and picked up Al’s medications. It was lunch time and I sat down for a bite to eat. I did the mechanical chewing but I tasted nothing. I said hello and gave my programmed smile but heard nothing of those who stopped by to chat.

After paying my bill I sat in my car. The engine was running but I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t want to go home as I knew once there I would have to start packing my brother’s clothes.

I ended up letting the car take me where ever. Here are some photos I snapped along my mindless trip.

This is where my brother goes to Day Program.

This is Christy, my brother’s Hospice nurse. She is so nice and takes so much time and care with him.

This is Chuck. He is Al’s Social Worker through Hospice. Any issues Al has from his illness Chuck tries his hardest to make accommodations for him.

This is one of the many Zimmer Orthopedic buildings. You can’t see it now but before this building was here there used to sit a very old brick building on a big hill. I sled there many times in the winter and it also housed my old Junior High School.

This is where I  used to go to Elementary School These kids remind me of myself as a child as we lined up getting ready to go back in from recess. The door that they are entering didn’t used to be there. There used to be a big porch with a roof over it. I have a photo somewhere of me standing out in my little ruffled dress with a little graduation cap on and my red velvet graduation certificate. Oh the memories.

This photo of the city park used to  house a tall brick old building known as the Special Education School. There was no grass to play in. The school took the entire block and was paved cement on all four sides. This is where my brother went to school in primary days.

This is my beloved parents. I stopped by to tell them I have done the best I can with their son, my brother, and sooner than I want he will be coming home.

This is the peaceful scene that you feel as you leave the cemetery.

And of course this is my brother and Rhino our cat. Rhino has now deserted me and sits by Al’s door missing his buddy. I keep telling the cat, he will be home soon, he will be home soon.