I Took A Break

I didn’t realize the damage it was doing to me. Trying so hard to make others happy. I can’t do it, at least not every time. I didn’t feel or see what emotional draining I was experiencing until I had written the final post, claiming Al‘s wish is now dead.

After I finished, I began to shiver and then I started shaking. The tears rolled and I just felt weak all over. I instantly went to the couch and laid down but my mind was arguing with each side of my brain.

It finally dawned on me I am exhausted. Not only from learning I could not fulfill Al’s wish, but the shower gal who has been coming up and quit with no notice. Discussions with the transportation center, Hospice, and myself started immediately.

I have had to give Al his shower already this week. It isn’t that I can’t do it. It is just I am too tired to add one more chore to his list. I know you can call me wimpy or a whiner. It’s alright.

Rolling him over on his side when he naps or lays down for the night takes three big tugs because I am just too darn old and have less muscle than I used to. So physical and emotional is taking a toll. Yet I remember God won’t give me anything I can’t handle. I keep telling myself this on days like today.

Things were worked out for Al’s showers but don’t start until next Monday. He will go in a bit later M-W-F and come home the same time. The new shower girl will be here at 9am on those days.

But for now I have to give him his shower tonight and Friday night.

I laid there on the couch for a while and then the tears dried up. I got up and did something I end up doing about twice a year. I went shopping. I just had to get out of here for a while. I keep in mind when I am out what I can afford to pay when the next month’s bills come in, and I am a clearance shopper on most items.

So I went to Taco Bell and got some lunch. Al hates that place so going there is a treat for me. Then I went to the Beauty Shop and then I went to my favorite jewelry store to check out big sale items.

I lucked out. There was a special running at the Beauty Shop and a big sale going on at the Jewelry Store. This is what I did to my hair and this is what I bought to wear.

God sets the pace

For which he wants me to walk

I try to hurry up

I think I’m running a race

But then my body says

Hey you are moving too fast

Take a break, sit a spell

Breath deep and re-learn to laugh

Terry Shepherd

me, september two thousand thirteendiamond ring

26 thoughts on “I Took A Break

  1. YOU are not wimpy and YOU are not a whiner.

    Mother Teresa (not you .. the other one) once said “I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle, but I wish he didn’t trust me so much”.

    You need to have a break so that you can recharge.


  2. Hon, bed baths work just fine sometimes, you don’t have to give him a shower everyday. I know that you want to do the best for him, but you have to work with in your own means as well! God bless!


      • I can see where you are at Terry, you are a long way away.. But I can see where you are, and feel for the emotional and spiritual as well as physical burdens you are carrying. Strangely, I have got to know another American lady, also called Terry over the past 4 years. She and her husband moved into the house overlooking the church yard, in many respects you seem to be alike. She is a lovely lady, so are you. Everything will turn out right for Al and for you. Good night and God bless.


  3. Terry you are the strongest woman I know, and remember you need to take time out for yourself. I am glad you did go shopping and treated yourself. Beautiful ring Terry. You deserve a treat a rest and more. As you said it does not work only trying to make others happy. Make yourself happy and then you can make others happy again. You are working so hard, mentally and physically, I always admire you. Look after yourself Terry 🙂


  4. we all need to take that time to restore ourselves. it is especially important for someone like you who is the main caretaker for someone like your brother. he is so fortunate to have you to love and support him. just make sure to schedule in a little me time for yourself.


  5. I was going to say what “Loopyloo” said…A good pan bath is fine…and probably a lot safer…It will feel good too…Things can be changed up a little when needed…You are way too hard on yourself!…I wish I had the nerve to go as short as you did…think it’s cute!…(Hair do)…and the ring is pretty too…


  6. Pingback: Dedicated to My Friends on Facebook and WordPress | terry1954

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