I didn’t realize the damage it was doing to me. Trying so hard to make others happy. I can’t do it, at least not every time. I didn’t feel or see what emotional draining I was experiencing until I had written the final post, claiming Al‘s wish is now dead.
After I finished, I began to shiver and then I started shaking. The tears rolled and I just felt weak all over. I instantly went to the couch and laid down but my mind was arguing with each side of my brain.
It finally dawned on me I am exhausted. Not only from learning I could not fulfill Al’s wish, but the shower gal who has been coming up and quit with no notice. Discussions with the transportation center, Hospice, and myself started immediately.
I have had to give Al his shower already this week. It isn’t that I can’t do it. It is just I am too tired to add one more chore to his list. I know you can call me wimpy or a whiner. It’s alright.
Rolling him over on his side when he naps or lays down for the night takes three big tugs because I am just too darn old and have less muscle than I used to. So physical and emotional is taking a toll. Yet I remember God won’t give me anything I can’t handle. I keep telling myself this on days like today.
Things were worked out for Al’s showers but don’t start until next Monday. He will go in a bit later M-W-F and come home the same time. The new shower girl will be here at 9am on those days.
But for now I have to give him his shower tonight and Friday night.
I laid there on the couch for a while and then the tears dried up. I got up and did something I end up doing about twice a year. I went shopping. I just had to get out of here for a while. I keep in mind when I am out what I can afford to pay when the next month’s bills come in, and I am a clearance shopper on most items.
So I went to Taco Bell and got some lunch. Al hates that place so going there is a treat for me. Then I went to the Beauty Shop and then I went to my favorite jewelry store to check out big sale items.
I lucked out. There was a special running at the Beauty Shop and a big sale going on at the Jewelry Store. This is what I did to my hair and this is what I bought to wear.
God sets the pace
For which he wants me to walk
I try to hurry up
I think I’m running a race
But then my body says
Hey you are moving too fast
Take a break, sit a spell
Breath deep and re-learn to laugh
Terry Shepherd
YOU are not wimpy and YOU are not a whiner.
Mother Teresa (not you .. the other one) once said “I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle, but I wish he didn’t trust me so much”.
You need to have a break so that you can recharge.
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I like what Mother Teresa said, don’t give me so much. I feel that way sometimes too!!! You made me smile. You always do!! hugs
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I’m glad 🙂 It’s my job to make people smile
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Hon, bed baths work just fine sometimes, you don’t have to give him a shower everyday. I know that you want to do the best for him, but you have to work with in your own means as well! God bless!
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I didn’t even think about bed baths, thanks for reminding me!!!
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Go gently with yourself, please.
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I did today. I had to. Thanks for caring
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I can see where you are at Terry, you are a long way away.. But I can see where you are, and feel for the emotional and spiritual as well as physical burdens you are carrying. Strangely, I have got to know another American lady, also called Terry over the past 4 years. She and her husband moved into the house overlooking the church yard, in many respects you seem to be alike. She is a lovely lady, so are you. Everything will turn out right for Al and for you. Good night and God bless.
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you are such a beautiful person. I appreciate your comment, in fact, I love it. God bless and hugs to you
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Yes–recharge when you can! Love the look (and the jewelry)!
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thanks AR, I don’t do that very often, but I do enjoy letting something else come over me besides sorrow
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Terry you are the strongest woman I know, and remember you need to take time out for yourself. I am glad you did go shopping and treated yourself. Beautiful ring Terry. You deserve a treat a rest and more. As you said it does not work only trying to make others happy. Make yourself happy and then you can make others happy again. You are working so hard, mentally and physically, I always admire you. Look after yourself Terry 🙂
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I don’t work well on thinking of me, but today I did, and I did get my mind off of problems. thanks my dear friend
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I told you so my friend. Now I am so happy you did just that. You see, you can be happy any moment, if you chose to.. love what you’re doing now my friend.. hehe, am so happy for you.
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You just made me smile. I listened to you and you knew it would work. What would I do without your friendship!!!
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God bless you and Al. I am so glad you treated yourself you deserve a ;little pampering and A treat now and then 🙂
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it was odd but yet I enjoyed the time a way. thanks Len
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we all need to take that time to restore ourselves. it is especially important for someone like you who is the main caretaker for someone like your brother. he is so fortunate to have you to love and support him. just make sure to schedule in a little me time for yourself.
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I promise I will
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I was going to say what “Loopyloo” said…A good pan bath is fine…and probably a lot safer…It will feel good too…Things can be changed up a little when needed…You are way too hard on yourself!…I wish I had the nerve to go as short as you did…think it’s cute!…(Hair do)…and the ring is pretty too…
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I don’t normally wear my hair this short but I just don’t have time to mess with it. Maybe later I will let it grow back out!
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Good for you!!!
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hugs
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I’m glad you treated yourself. You deserve it. And Terry, remember that what other people think about you is none of your business 🙂
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this is true, now how do I harden myself
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