And I Smiled

English: A photo of a cup of coffee. Esperanto...

From the moment I woke up this morning I have been the best darn actress I could; until late this afternoon. I must have woke up on the wrong side of bed. I was pretty busy yesterday and I don’t know if age, or the over-time of caring for Al did it, but I was darn tired, but I smiled.

From the moment I made that first cup of coffee and had that one sip, Al was ringing he was ready to get up. Inside my head I was yelling, no not yet. My coffee cup isn’t empty yet, but I smiled.

Then the phone rang earlier than usual. It was the shower gal letting me know when she was coming. Looking at the clock and hearing Al, I knew it was now or never. Time to force those eyes open, get the muscles in gear, and go get him up.

He is half laying in bed. How this illness helps him do it, I don’t know, but his head was frozen in mid-air. If I tried to do that, I would have a headache for sure. Rhino, the cat hissed at me because he didn’t like it I was hovering over Al. I took a moment to sweet-talk him and then got Al up and I smiled.

I got his breakfast and then tried to take a few moments to drink my lukewarm coffee when I discovered someone had tried to look into my credit. This pissed me off. I had let others ruin my credit in the past and it took me many years to fix it and be on top again. No one was doing this to me, not on a Monday morning for sure.

The shower gal came; I smiled.  I eventually got Al on the bus and then I got some disappointing news. Nothing bad or serious but sad. That made my day just a little rougher. I was definitely on a roll of the biggest pity party in town.

Then I would mentally kick myself, reminding me I wasn’t the sick one, Al was. I would stand strong again. I bounced back and forth like a rubber ball until it was time to meet Al’s Hospice nurse late this afternoon. We saw each other at the main door and I smiled.

We talked about the gloom that lingered in Al’s room all weekend and then when she visited Al some of my mood must have rubbed off at breakfast because he also wasn’t in a good mood.

After the meeting the nurse wanted to talk to the Day Program coordinator about some new medication orders. I was sitting in the threesome listening to the conversation when I turned and looked out the tiny window in her office. There was a bush, with its bare branches starting to show, from fall being here. On top was a sparrow sitting there all by himself. He looked lonely.

I saw myself in him. I was lonely. How can I be lonely when I had a good day yesterday with family? Don’t ask me, because I don’t know. I stay so busy with Al I would think I wouldn’t have time to think about the word, but I did.

Suddenly right in the middle of the meeting the tears began to fall and soon I was weeping. Embarrassed that I was making a fool out of myself right there in my brother’s Day Program and yet not able to stop the tears.

I needed a release I think. Of course I felt more humiliated as the two of them came and patted my shoulder and said words of comfort. I dried my eyes and we said our goodbyes. I got in the car and lit  up one of my cigarettes knowing I should quit but not strong enough to do it yet.

I took off out of the parking lot and headed for the gas station. I needed milk and I knew I couldn’t leave the house tomorrow because Al will be home all day. I was thinking about how close it was to Al being brought home on the bus and I didn’t have supper prep work done.

I was about a mile from home and the car turned into a drive-thru. When I got home I had supper on the table and Al came about 15 minutes later. He was quiet and so was I. We ate, I changed him and he wanted in his recliner. I sat here at the computer with my after dinner drink; coffee, checked emails and then laid down while Al napped.

Here it is time to go to bed and now I am awake but I think once my head lays down I will have no trouble going to sleep. After all, tomorrow morning I will hear the sounds of Al wanting to get up first thing. I just hope I have time to drink that first cup of coffee first and I will smile.

Take Me Back

Take Me Back

Take me backEarly Childhood

To where I once breathed

I saw through innocence

I played without fear

Where each day was exciting

Love was everywhere

Tears came slowly

Laughter poured deeply

Take me back

To my once inner child

Let me relive in a different way

Let me experience it all over again.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd


Weekly Writing Challenge; Living History

DP Challenge, DPrightnow,

What can you write about? It can be a conversation or a protest you took part in, or a recent development that made an impact (negative or positive) on your life. It can be something that happened in your town, or news from far away that moved you. The important thing is that it’s your story, your insight. Background detail is important, but what really matters is your voice, your opinion, your way of thrusting yourself, Forrest Gump-like, into the center of the news reel.

God bless America. Land that I love. Stand beside her and guide her through the night.

These are the words of our country. We show how proud we are of where we live.

But there is no perfect life. God never promised life would be easy. There really is no bed of roses. We are dreamers. We dream of a better land. We want our children to have it better than we did.

Have you ever really thought of those words that go around in our head? What was it that was so bad in our life that we have to give our kids something better? The way I look at it what our kids need is exactly what most of us got growing up, love.

I can’t say that every kid got this. Like I said, life is not perfect, but I can wish that all kids were treated with respect and love, nurtured into fine adults. We lived from the land. We grew our own meat, or before that we hunted for game. We fished from our waters.

We planted seeds. We tended to the fields with love and pride. We harvested and we had Thanksgiving with our entire family, giving thanks and realizing our blessings.

I don’t care what technology is waiting to be scooped up on your corner it can’t replace love. In fact, there are many kids in families today that spend their together time at the supper tables apart, either physically or mentally.

Kids spend so much of their time texting and no one today can leave home without their cell phones. Is it any wonder families drift apart. Friends don’t see each other as often. The mail boxes are empty?

Today, on the news here there was a prime example of a man who loved his country. He cherished his wife and kids. He worked the land. He was known as that one word that is becoming extinct to our younger generation. He was known as a farmer.

Today, God knew something we didn’t know. No one guessed it, but God knew this wonderful man was tired and needed a break. God used the love of this man’s hands with his own farm machinery  and formed an accident that took his life and sent him directly to heaven, into God’s arms.

It is tragic, it saddened me and I wept. The world is full of we must go here and we have to go there. We have to have this, we can’t be left out.

But for this man his time was up. A hero in our lands, a soul who denied the now world.

Today, he is with God looking down, smiling upon each of us. History played out over and over, starting with the forbidden fruit, that was grown in God’s ground with his own two hands.forbidden fruitharvester 2

Daily Prompt; Imitation/ Flattery, DP, Daily Prompt

Write a post in the style of (or simply inspired by) a favorite author.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us HOMAGE.


I Am Blind But I Can See

I can not see

I never could

But I can sense

And this is good

For I can see

Right through your soul

I can sense your joy

I can feel your woe

For I don’t need eyes

To see the view

I can feel your heart

Which is the real you.

Written by,

Terry Shepherd


Helen Keller