Wish to Feel Whole


You can’t wait to grow up

To be ten and stay up longer

To be sixteen and date

Why wait? Why ponder?


You graduate from school

You get through college

You find that man

And you have all the knowledge.


You give birth to the first

To the second and third

Life seems so perfect

And then the bubble burst.


You get wrinkles and tired

You lose parents to death

Your heart has not felt this

Is this what describes meth?


Your husband starts changing

He never comes home

You find that phone number

Suddenly you feel all alone.


The aches and the pains

Start coming each day

Your heart also breaking

You want it to all go a way.


The grand kids bring laughter

They bring back some smiles

But somewhere inside you

You think back for a while.


When you are in bed

And resting your soul

You dream of the yesterdays

And wish to feel whole.


Life is a circle

With ups and its downs

We pray that we make it

Until we see the gold in God’s crown.


Written by,

Terry Shepherd



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95 Years Old

Gramps couldn’t handle being alone. His entire adult life had been filled  with people he loved. His parents were already in  heaven. Most people, in fact, had already left for a better place. He hated that he was still living. He was 95 today. A birthday that should be celebrated; but instead brought tears.

Eva,  his wife had died of cancer and had been buried five years ago. Since then, the friends and family he had back then had tried spending as much time with him as possible; taking away that void in  his life.

After several months had passed, some people even tried setting him up on blind dates. He thought that was the most despicable thing he had ever heard of. Why would some fool want him to forget all about his Eva.

He refused, their offers and under his breath, told them what he thought. Every  night, he laid down next to that empty spot on the bed. This was one place that just about killed him. This bed has shared many moments of passion, talking, and allowing of kids to sleep between the middle of them.

He would roll towards the empty spot and pull her pillow close to him. He inhaled as deep as he could trying to draw the scent of her hair. It was empty, everything was empty. His life, he felt was over.

There was no reason to live. There was no one to live for. He sat at his kitchen table drinking his last cup of coffee. He wheeled himself to the bathroom.  He stared at his hand mirror, and saw jumbo tears ready to fall.

Why, why did she have to go? He wasn’t ready to let her go. She never asked if she could go. 95 years old today, and no one knew. No one sent a card, no cake or ice-cream. He reached into the nightstand drawer.

He pulled out a pad of paper and a pen. On the paper he scribbled, I am ready Eva, I’m coming home. Laying it down on Eva’s pillow, he swallowed the pills he had laid out. He lay on  his bed, waiting to leave.



Ending Weekend

Sunday night is here. The weekend slipped by with no hitches. I didn’t do much yesterday. Friday evening I spent with fighting low blood sugars and that always makes me so tired for about 24 hours.

Today, I did more keeping company than actually physically helping a friend move. I hate it that I can’t do what I used to do. I can pick up barely any weight and standing for very long makes me feel like I am going to fall over.

It warmed up today and is quite windy. For Indiana, being in the fifties this time of year is something to cheer about. We have been getting teasers, as I call them, small times where the temperatures are Spring like, instead of winter.

February is almost over. March is about to begin, and soon Spring will be here. What are some things you do each Spring? Me, I open my windows, switch out long pants to shorts, and stick my face into any sun, warming my spirit and attitude.



Cherry Chocolate Chip Cheesecake Bars – Shugary Sweets

These Cherry Chocolate Chip Cheesecake Bars have a vanilla cookie crust and a creamy cherry cheesecake filling! But, don’t forget about the sweet chocolate chip cookie topping to take this recipe to the next level of deliciousness! Be sure to sign up for my email…new recipes in your inbox! CLICK HERE TO PIN IT FOR LATER Well, here we […]

Source: Cherry Chocolate Chip Cheesecake Bars – Shugary Sweets

One Minute

Every day  I wake  in pain. Usually  it is  a  dull headache  or a stiff neck and aching  shoulder .  I  was letting  the  dogs outside  this  morning  and I  was watching  the ever lingering  snowflakes .  Although  I  hurt, I  am  alive. I  thought  of  different  things  I had to  be thankful  for through  the  pain.
I  woke  up 
I am breathing 
I’m  standing 
I can see
I can feel  the  cold
I can smell the crisp air


I can hear the birds
I can talk to  the  dogs
I can think for  myself 
I can open doors 
I can sense things around  me
I can write  this  post
I can use the bathroom  by myself 
I can dress myself 
I can choose  my own breakfast  menu

This is a few things  to  be  thankful  for first thing in  the  morning .  What can you  think  of this moment  to be thankful  for ?



The bells rang twice, letting Jules know time was almost up. She had gotten up late and was running behind schedule. She taught classes at the local college. She had been employed there for five years and had never received a warning for anything.

Last night was different though. Her father had been admitted to a nursing home in the next town over. Jules had spent too long of time there. It ripped her heart apart seeing him laying in that bed.

Nurses and aides came and went, checking on his vitals and making sure he was going to be comfortable for the night. This was his first night. Jules wasn’t sure if he knew where he was.

He had Dementia and sometimes seemed to float in and out of reality. As she stood there watching the movement in the room, she couldn’t help but wonder what mom would be saying about all this.

Mom had been her best friend, but cancer took her away last year and dad’s  slow moving dementia sped up. He missed his wife of over 50 years and didn’t want to live much anymore. Jules and her siblings decided that dad would get better care if he was moved into a facility with 24 hour care.

She stayed as long as she could afford and kissed her dad on the cheek telling him she would return soon. His eyes told her that he recognized her, but he didn’t understand why he was laying in this strange bed.

When Jules laid down for the night, her mind wouldn’t stay off her dad. This in turn made her sleep in late and as she entered her classroom door, the final buzzer sounded. She took a deep breath, and placed a big smile on her face as she said good morning to her students.

The class she taught was art. She hadn’t done too much on preparing for today’s lesson, so she did an impromptu. She asked the students to think of a time in their lives when a change that wasn’t wanted had happened. She asked them to draw out their feelings on their paper and hand them in to her when finished. If they finished early, they could go ahead and leave early.

She half-expected the students to hurry through in order to leave, but most of them stayed around three-fourths of the class. As she looked out over faces, she could tell some were serious about what they were drawing. One by one, they each turned their project in and as the room became quiet, she looked through them. One stood out to her, and she wondered if this student had somehow read her mind.

There was a separate piece of paper attached to her drawing. She explained how her favorite person in the whole wide world had been sick. She wrote about visiting her grandma and how grandma didn’t know who she was anymore.

Jules looked at the drawing and her heart sped up a little and a tear was shed, as she connected to the art work.




The Darkest, Almost Black Eyes

When it came right down to it, she realized there was nothing she could do but accept things as they were, or die of sadness. She was thirty-five, and had never been married. She wanted nothing more than to get married, have a family and live to be happy at an old age.

She had a good career. She was a reporter in the local newspaper. She did many stories in the community. She had met some of the most prominent people, best looking men, cutest kids, but she never laid eyes on that special man.

She would walk into her front door each evening after work. Her pets; one dog and a cat, welcomed her. She would start the water in the tub, while chatting to her best friends. The pets sat at each corner of the tub, watching and waiting for her to get out and go to her favorite chair, where they would climb up and let her pet them.

After her bath and dressed in her nightgown, she poured herself a cup of coffee, turned the news on and sat in her recliner. Her two best friends found comfortable positions and they all watched the news together.

Her stomach began to growl, so she proceeded to the kitchen. She made herself a salad and grilled cheese. It didn’t take much to put a dinner together for one. She sat at the table and ate. She pondered back on her day, making mental notes of what she needed to do for tomorrows work.

Suddenly a tear fell, then another, and she softly sobbed into her salad, as she wished the loneliness away. She knew she could survive without that special person in her life; but she couldn’t remove the emptiness her soul felt.

She sat there for a while, arguing with herself about getting over this. She had to accept what was, and quit wishing. If it was meant to be, it would happen. If it wasn’t. let it be. She went back to her recliner, with her pets following.

She flipped the channels to see if she could find an interesting story on other news casts. She didn’t see anything that stood out to her. She decided to just relax and find a station where maybe she could laugh about nothing.

She turned to one of the new stations that had recently been added to her programming. There she heard the most beautiful voice she had ever heard. She was staring into the darkest, almost black eyes, covered in thick lashes. It was a weather man and when he started talking about their local weather for the next morning’s commute, she gasped as she realized he was less than an hour away.

She sat soaking in every word, every look, while he spoke. She knew in her heart, that this was the one. She laughed out loud at how silly that sounded as she didn’t even know him, other than  his name.

She got up and went into her office and did some outlines for the next day. She didn’t have anything else she had to do or really wanted to do. Her mind would go back and forth to that beautiful voice.

She let the dog out for the last time that evening, and crawling into bed, she said a prayer once again, that God show her the right mate for. The next morning, she did her usual routine and headed to work.

She walked into her office and looked at the messages waiting for her. She glanced at her watch. She had an hour before her first appointment. An interview, oh how she hated doing interviews. She asking all the same questions, they, giving the old-routine answers.

The office was in need of another reporter, but there were others who could do the interviews, so why her? She cleaned her desk and watered her plants. She went to the bathroom and checked her make-up and hair. It was time for her appointment. She went back to her office.

Upon entering, the secretary said, ” I let him in. I knew you would be back in a second. He is here for the interview for reporter. Here are his credentials. He is experienced, but in the weather department. He says he needs a change”.

Walking to her desk and reaching a hand out to shake the hand and say good morning, she looked straight into the eyes of the darkest, almost black eyes, with thick lashes she had ever seen.


Do You Ever Spout Off?

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I am sure some or most of us have been in this spot before. I have learned in my own life that no one hurts you more than those closest to you, and it makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it.

For me, it is hard to keep my feelings to myself. I learned by my therapy I attended many years ago, to speak my mind. The problem is I let it stay inside in order to keep peace, and when I finally have seen or heard enough, words come out.

I get flustered when I am trying to talk to someone. Explaining what I want to say, is difficult. My tremors kick in. My legs begin to shake. I get the words out; but often the true point of the pen is not made.

Then thoughts are twisted, words are taken wrong. I don’t know why I do this. I have worked on it for a long time, and it always comes back to the same thing. Hurting others feelings. I just hate doing that and avoid it at all cost; sometimes injuring myself emotionally for a long, long time.

I have made progress, but it still needs fine-tuning. Instead of confronting the person immediately, I will hold it in, which, like I said, isn’t good for me. I have now been able to keep thoughts to myself, and I will instead pray for that person.

Whether it is my fault for a disagreement or the other persons; it really doesn’t matter sometimes. Prayer works. It relieves me to know that I can place it in God’s hands, and go on about my business.

Still some things I still have buried within and these do surface at times. Hurt can remain for days, weeks and sometimes months. Words are not easily forgotten, but I am trying. We all have to deal with it in the way we know best.

I saw something on the news today that blew me away. It was some event, where parents and kids were involved. One mom bumped into another mom accidentally. What should have been words of I’m sorry, and everyone going on with their day, turned into pushing, shoving, and hitting. It was sad that these kids stood by while watching their parents set bad examples.

I hope for myself, that some things get resolved, but if they don’t, I can’t fix it, nor can I change it, but I can keep living, and isn’t that what we are supposed to do? Live life to the best of our ability?