2004 07 15 – State College – Mail to Self (Photo credit: thisisbossi)
My body and mind are tired today from yesterday’s adventures, but I am trying hard to find the good in today, so I wanted to just touch base on a couple of things.
I have decided to write the letters to the two aunts, having Al tell me what to say, then I will mail them with no return address. This way, I don’t have to be hurt anymore and I have done as Al wished.
Al and I do not know when he is going to pass on to heaven, but I tend to follow Al’s lead. He believes he is, and who am I to tell him he could be wrong. With all of the information I have googled, I find that Parkinson’s patients can live for several years in Al’s condition. For Al’s sake I hope this is not his case.
You may ask why I even went to see Julie, the sister, and the same reason is above stated, because Al feels like his time is near. I try to put myself in his shoes. If I could not drive anymore, or was no longer able to write, I would feel so frustrated that someone, who thinks they know more, would not help me finish what I think needs tended to at the end of my days.
Today, I got up because Al’s shower girl was to be here. I felt terrible in general. I think it is the emotional stress taking over. I actually came out on the couch and slept once again. Now, I am awake but feel like I have been drug through a mud bath. Moving along but in slow motion. With God’s help and the wonderful comments made by you, I will be back on top in no time at all.
So, I am taking it easy, and maybe tonight, I will write a fictional story, or add something to Al’s journey for you. If not hopefully tomorrow.
One good thing I have to add for this day, is the credit card was found! It ended up being on the floor board between the seats of my son’s truck. This was a comfort to me, although, I knew no one could use it, it is comforting to know it is now cut and in the trash.
Al is having an excellent day. He has bounce in his walk and I have heard no complaint of pain from him. I did tell him that I talked to Julie, and that she hadn’t changed from before. I told him, we would write a letter together to the two aunts, tonight after dinner.
So a few good things I have found today.
I want to thank each one of you for your comments, your words of comfort. You do so much for me and help me to keep standing. Each of you I have taken into my heart and you have become dear friends to me.
I am going to do nothing really today, just continue to heal. I can’t help but get angry at myself, that I would let another human being do this damage to me, but I am trying to improve.
God bless each one of you. I love you all.