Beauty At Dusk

Tonight, after supper, someone must have whispered in my son’s ear, because he got a hold of me and asked me if Al and I would like to take a walk. I almost hesitated because it wasn’t far from being dark, but I am trying hard to face my fears, and one of them is darkness.

When I see the beauty of these two photos I took at dusk, I wondered how I could be so afraid, when God is showing his splendor and aliveness.

Thank-you son for hearing the whisper, and giving Al and me a few moments away from our troubles.

Al’s Words In My Writing To His Family

English: Two angels (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Tonight after supper, I sat down with Al and told him that I would rather write a letter to his two aunts, telling them what he wants to say. I told him that since my visit with Julie did not go as planned, that this may be the best way to go.

He started to cry. A lot of feelings came to the surface as the first thing that was stated from him, was they do not care about him.

Here is the short note, that I will now place in envelopes and mail tomorrow at his request.

 

 

I am writing this on behalf of Alvin Jr.  I have asked him to tell me what he wished for me to say in this letter. This is what he requested. He wanted me to reach out to you. He wanted me to speak on his behalf as he believes he may be nearing death.  Alvin is in the comfort care part of Parkinson’s.  Alvin is afraid you will be surprised when you find out that he has passed on, and this is the reason for this short note. He says,

Tell them that I am sick. Tell them that I have Parkinson’s and I don’t think I have much time left. God has told me my life is almost over.

Tell them that I love them.

Ask them if they still love me

 

This is what he wanted me to say, and so I have honored his wishes.

Alvin has been making last-minute preparations for his death. He had me take him to the cemetery so that he could speak to mom and dad.

He has had several conversations with God and he believes that God told him that his time is near.

Contrary to what people are saying, thinking, choosing truths or non truths is none of my concern.

Each birthday and holiday that came and went Alvin always cried because he feels no one loves him from the family.

I am not God, but thankfully God has taken me through this journey of caring for Al these past four years. I would not have traded this for anything that is available in this world.

Well, I have stated what he wanted me to state.

Thank you,

Terry Shepherd

 

 

As soon as I mail them, I will feel that I have honored Al’s wishes. I don’t know what else I can do for him, but if there is anything else he requests, I will try my best to honor it.

It will be an honor, joy, and privilege, to go to heaven and see Al there walking, running, and smiling, pain-free. We will both never remember these days of struggles, tremors, crying, tears and pain. Even if I go first, I know that I will recognize him immediately upon his arrival, and we shall embrace each other with loving hugs.

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Without You Life Would Be Harder

Without You Life Would Be Harder

2004 07 15 – State College – Mail to Self (Photo credit: thisisbossi)

My body and mind are tired today from yesterday’s adventures, but I am trying hard to find the good in today, so I wanted to just touch base on a couple of things.

I have decided to write the letters to the two aunts, having Al tell me what to say, then I will mail them with no return address. This way, I don’t have to be hurt anymore and I have done as Al wished.

Al and I do not know when he is going to pass on to heaven, but I tend to follow Al’s lead. He believes he is, and who am I to tell him he could be wrong. With all of the information I have googled, I find that Parkinson’s patients can live for several years in Al’s condition. For Al’s sake I hope this is not his case.

You may ask why I even went to see Julie, the sister, and the same reason is above stated, because Al feels like his time is near. I try to put myself in his shoes. If I could not drive anymore, or was no longer able to write, I would feel so frustrated that someone, who thinks they know more, would not help me finish what I think needs tended to at the end of my days.

Today, I got up because Al’s shower girl was to be here. I felt terrible in general. I think it is the emotional stress taking over. I actually came out on the couch and slept once again. Now, I am awake but feel like I have been drug through a mud bath. Moving along but in slow motion. With God’s help and the wonderful comments made by you, I will be back on top in no time at all.

So, I am taking it easy, and maybe tonight, I will write a fictional story, or add something to Al’s journey for you. If not hopefully tomorrow.

One good thing I have to add for this day, is the credit card was found! It ended up being on the floor board between the seats of my son’s truck. This was a comfort to me, although, I knew no one could use it, it is comforting to know it is now cut and in the trash.

Al is having an excellent day. He has bounce in his walk and I have heard no complaint of pain from him. I did tell him that I talked to Julie, and that she hadn’t changed from before. I told him, we would write a letter together to the two aunts, tonight after dinner.

So a few good things I have found today.

I want to thank each one of you for your comments, your words of comfort. You do so much for me and help me to keep standing. Each of you I have taken into my heart and you have become dear friends to me.

I am going to do nothing really today, just continue to heal. I can’t help but get angry at myself, that I would let another human being do this damage to me, but I am trying to improve.

God bless each one of you. I love you all.

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Trusting Family Or God