Trusting Family Or God

If you think that you can fully trust anyone on earth besides our heavenly Father, I am here to tell you first hand it is not so.

Everyone has a deep secret in their lives that they don’t tell anyone, except maybe their best friend. I have one of those too, but after being sick to my stomach, and feeling the lowest I have felt since my father passed away, I have to write it down, or go crazy. I have had terrible thoughts today, the worst I have ever thought. I don’t want to make any foolish mistakes and hurt my brother or my children.

I will shorten the story and leave out details that will only drag it on.

When Al and my father passed away, my father was involved with a money hungry lady. Soon after they were involved he found out he had leukemia. Immediately, she would tell me behind his back that she wished she would never had met him. This hurt me so bad. This was my father she was talking about, and naturally, no one ask to get ill. I took care of him the whole year he was sick and also had to listen to her cut him down, but I kept quiet, because dad was afraid if anything was said, he would be sent home to die alone. He lived in her house this whole year. I took care of him physically and medically, and she fed him and lent him her home.

For her credit, I will say that she was a lovely woman to look at, but her tongue was wicked, and she always knew what to say to each person to make easy friends.

When dad died, the little bit of family I had left turned their backs on us. They wouldn’t speak at his funeral, and during the funeral there was too much personal talk being said about their personal lives.

I decided to take care of Al after he had his heart attack, and have continued this care for almost five years now with no words or hugs or concerns from the few family members left.

Now that Al feels like his time is almost near to leave this earth, I have already told you of the request that he wanted to visit the cemetery. What I didn’t tell you, was the other part of the request. He wanted the two aunts and our sister to know that he was sick.

This is something I battled with. I knew the anger and hard feelings that had never healed, and yet here was my own brother, wanting his family to know that he was dying, or at least he thinks he is dying. Who am I to judge.

After two  nights of terrible dreams, waking up in sweat, and hardly any sleep, I decided to honor his wishes. I started with our sister. I went to her, and it was awful. She cussed me out, screamed, and basically told me where to go. I told her why I was there,that it was at the request of Al and she said nothing.

You are probably thinking why does she feel this way about you? Why would she be so angry? What did you do to her?

Without getting to technical, it is over money. It has always been over money. Money can tear families apart. Wills can make some people turn into crazy people, and this is what happened here.

Now I have done what he has asked for one person, our sister. I have not had the guts to tell him how it went, so have said nothing yet. I don’t even know if I can continue this to the two aunts.

What hurts so bad for me personally is, no one has offered to help with Al. No one calls on his birthday, no one calls to see how he is doing. Money has come between us all.

Now I have to consider what to do next. Get a hold of the other two? Ignore Al’s request? I don’t know. So when I say that there is only Al and me left of our family, I now know it is not words, it is so.

I will continue to care for my brother for as long as I can. I will love him and protect him and watch over him. God will let me know in some way when he wants me to place him, and so no matter what is said, I will continue on, because he is family, he is my brother.

Baking A Birthday Cake, Unexpected Ingrediant!

It was my husband’s birthday. I had thought of different ways to celebrate it with him. After mindless thoughts went through my head, I decided the best way to show him I loved him, was to be simply me.

I wrote a grocery list, planning out the menu for his evening meal. I wrote down his favorite foods and then went to my recipe book and checked to see what I already had at home. If I didn’t have it I marked it on my list. I looked up a white cake mix. I was not going to buy anything pre-mixed. It didn’t sound too hard to make, so I jotted down the recipe and added confectioner sugar to my list and food coloring and some sprinkles for added looks.

I got myself ready and drove to the grocery store. The store wasn’t too busy, and  in no time at all, I had my list completely checked off.

Back at home, I changed into more comfort style clothing and started first on baking the cake. I got it all mixed and tasted the edge of the beater, and realized what a good job I had done.  Instead of making one big cake, I decided to make smaller ones by using cup cakes. This way he could have one anytime he chose, and even take one with him to work in his lunch box.

One batch was finished baking, and I prepared the next batch to go into the oven. As I set the timer for the oven, I went on to start the preparations for the roast. I was having his favorite. Roast and potatoes and carrots with a velvety sauce, with just the right spices.

I heard the door bell ring, and I glanced at the timer, and saw that I had enough time to go answer the door. It was the mailman bringing my husband a gift box. I signed for it, and took it and set it on the dining room table. Husband would see it first thing when he entered their home.

When I returned to the kitchen to check on my cupcakes, I walked into the scene above. I guess I wasn’t the only one in the house that wanted to help celebrate this birthday!

One Lovely Blog Award

The first thing I notice in my emails is a comment from Dan, that he has nominated me for One Lovely Blog Award. Dan is one of my newest friends here at WordPress, and I already love his words and am so proud of him. He has a nice size family, and he is a military man. The way he talks about his home life, I can tell that his family is very important to him. Please check out the link above and see all that he represents.

You are to say seven things about yourself.

Nominate fifteen others.

Give credit back to the one who nominated you.

I have been having many dreams lately. I have some unfinished business I need to take care of and God is using my dreams to push me forward with this.

Today, is the first day of my outings alone.

I am a Yankee Candle obsessed woman, lilac being my favorite scent.

When my father passed away, the only comfort I received for a long time, was my collection of Christmas trees. I had at that point, fifteen through out the house, all sizes.

I have a class reunion coming up August 11, and I am going to go, but am scared to death of my looks. I have changed too much, but I guess so has everyone else.

I tried playing the daily three lottery for the first time, and I won forty dollars.

I have two racoons in my trees in my yard, that I wish would find new homes.

For my nominations I would like to present them to:

Maggie L R

Author Thelma Cunningham

Leon Maiolo

Thank you again, Dan for this beautiful award!