The sky was dark

But the moon shone bright

Your silhouette was

Dancing back at me

I wanted to reach

Out and touch you so

But I could not for

For you are now not mine

You made that clear

When you left me

And now I see you

Wrapped in another’s arms

And all I can do

Is bow my head and weep

Terry Shepherd



A Visit With Al

al's birthday partyToday I went to see Al. He was hard to wake up for lunch. It took several times calling him then finally an eye opened. He never even knew I had been sitting there for sometime. We had lunch together and then they weighed him.

He has lost another six pounds. The nurse said this wasn’t bad at all. I tend to disagree with her. How many weeks is he going to continue to lose a few or more pounds a week before they do anything. Or is there anything to do about it.

He only cried once during lunch which I thought was real good. He cried while he told me some new staff was working. They were in his room and the experienced staff were telling him some things so that Al would continue to get good care.

Al said,”They were talking about my past. Everyone wanted to know all the bad stuff about me. They even told them that I wet in my pants.” I explained that they were just informing the new girls of important things about him so he wouldn’t have to stay in wet pants very long.

He didn’t like it so I asked the girls if they could discuss things about him out in the hall where he can’t hear them. Al has always been so sensitive about himself. He isn’t proud that he wets himself or spills food or any other thing that he didn’t used to do.

I wish there was some type of brace to hold Al’s chin or head up. Today I swear his chin was an inch from his plate. He still struggled to get food in his mouth. He ate his whole meal in this position. It makes my neck hurt just seeing his drooped. I guess this is part of the Parkinson’s Disease.

He went out on an outing after lunch so I hope he had a good time. I talked to the waiver people today and the guy told me he was hoping to have all of Al’s data entered by Friday afternoon. I am to call back and check on Friday, late. He also said that once the State received it they legally have 45 days to sign it but it could be back in a week’s time. So I just reminded him that we had been working on this since the beginning of March, so this is why Al is so upset. The guy asked me why I don’t put him on antidepressants. I said, why, he is only sad because he isn’t home yet. Silence, and then call me back Friday. I will for sure, he can bank on it.

Chapter 11

For most of Al’s life after the teen years, everything remained the same at home. Mom and Dad worked full-time. Al went from job to job.  He would lose a job because of not comprehending quick enough what needed to be done.

He got let go from a couple of places because he spoke too much to the ladies. From what I was told the ladies were scared of him. Evidently they were not used to being smiled at and having someone say hi to them so often. I have in the past heard people, strangers make remarks about “The Freak”.

Oh, that made my blood boil. I think we all have issues in life. It is just for some, it is obvious by looking at them, and others, it is an uncommon action, like repeating the word hi to the same person every time they walked by. He still does this today. He just wants so badly for someone to be friends with him.

Cardinal Center is a company that helps disabled adults get jobs, and this was an excellent program for Al. He worked at the same job for a long time. During this period of his life our Step-mom, and it is going to be here that I quit calling her this. I will call her mom. I have spoken about the real mom and she doesn’t exist in our lives. In fact, Al never even remembers her. So it was at this time that Mom was retiring from her job.

She stayed home for some time but eventually missed being busy so she went to work for a health company taking care of their payroll. After a few years went by, she finally retired for good. The very next week she had an aneurism.

Dad found her on the potty and called the EMS. Our Mom never drank, cussed or smoke. She was only 62 years old when this happened. She was taken to the local hospital where she stayed for several hours and then was transferred to a bigger hospital about an hour a way.

While she was at the local hospital, Al and I were there with her. Al didn’t really understand what was happening but he knew something was wrong. I will never forget Mom thrashing her arms and legs around on the ER bed. She managed to get her arm out to me and she kept patting my arm. It was almost like she was telling me to be strong, it is going to be alright.

That was the last time Al and I saw her conscience. By the time they got her to the bigger hospital, she was unconscience. She never came out of it. I lived at the hospital per say,and Al came up before he went to work. Seven days later, the doctors told Dad and Al, me and our half-sister, that Mom only had 10% brain activity left. Did we want to keep her on a breathing tube?

Our tiny family huddled together. Al and the sister didn’t say anything. Dad and I decided to let her go. After they unhooked her Dad was watching me the entire time while he and I held her hand. It was as if he was asking me, is she ok?

It was a sad time for us those next several hours. Finally I was the one chosen to go tell Al that she went to heaven. Al didn’t cry. Instead he went into himself even further. The rock that held our family together was gone.

From that moment on Al had no one to speak to. Shortly after Mom’s funeral was over, my aunt in Florida moved her mother down to that area. Dad became withdrawn, and Al was left to figure out how to survive.

He went to work and came home alone. He ate alone and watched TV alone. He and Dad didn’t even sit in the living room together to watch TV. When I tried to reach out to Al, Dad would tell me to butt out.

Dad believed that if everything was going fine then don’t mess it up. But things weren’t going fine. Al was suffering and so was Dad. Al started going to auctions out-of-town and this is when he really began to collect his coca cola.

Dad hated it that Al was spending money. I will never know why. Dad charged Al a small amount of rent money for living there. I never agreed with it but I couldn’t stop it either. Al barely made above minimum wage and he already had a car payment and auto insurance to pay for. Dad even made him purchase his own groceries.

It was so stupid. Dad put his refrigerator items on two shelves and Al put his items on the other two shelves. They were not allowed to mix. It makes my skin quiver just thinking how sick that was between a father and a son.

When Dad and Al went to church it was the same one for a while and they each drove themselves. Then Al changed churches. Nothing they did was together. Dad got so upset with Al spending his Saturday evenings going to the auctions that he finally had his friends go to the auctions too and spy on him.

I thought so little of these people that they would disrespect Al so bad and even stoop low enough to do as Dad wished. I hated knowing this was going on but again, I could do nothing.

There was no one to stand up for Al anymore. What his life must have been like for him I can only imagine in my own mind. I felt so bad for him but yet I was forced to live my own life.

After several years of this routine, Dad finally met a new lady friend. He introduced  her to Al and me. She seemed very nice and she was pretty. Dad liked it that I agreed with his selection. Al didn’t say too much but the little he did tell me was, that’s not my mom.


Daily Prompt; Red Pill, Blue Pill

English: Bill Gray's white hot dog, macaroni s...

http://dailypost.wordpress.com, DP, Daily Prompt

If you could get all the nutrition you needed in a day with a
pill — no worrying about what to eat, no food preparation — would you
do it?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us NOURISHMENT.

I am the biggest skeptic when it comes to putting something in my mouth. Even food is beginning to become a culprit as more food products are put together for quick sales and big bucks without the proper inspections.

I am weird about eating foods that are not manufactured or grown here in my own part of the world, I get afraid. I know it is wrong, but seeing people die from improper food storage or sprayed chemicals bothers me.

I guess I am more than weird, I am strange. One time I ate some macaroni salad at a family reunion. I assume the salad was left too long out in the sun and I got food poisoning. I think it was worse pains than childbirth.

Now if I don’t know for sure about these types of food, I don’t eat it. I would rather be safe and not put that good-looking bite in my mouth.

When I became a diabetic the doctor was putting me on pills that lowered my sugars too much. I remember one time I was taking a walk down the street and boom, I passed out right in front of a business. This happened a few times, so after that my brain recognized new pills as danger and I find it very hard to take new pills.

I have to fight and fight to take it and will usually have to arrange to take it when I am going to be around other humans. Just in case something would happen. If I am safe for a couple of hours after the big swallow, then I am fine every day after.

Taking red and blue pills, replacing eating would be good and bad. If I can get the pills down my throat, I may be healthier, and less fat. On the bad side, I would have to know and recognize the company very well producing the pills.

If I am going to take a pill, I want a pill filled with natural foods. I don’t want fillers or any chemicals. If I am going to pop a pill will it have the flavor of a nice piece of chocolate, or taste like blah.  I don’t want some company throwing together something and selling it as prime when in fact it is crap. They make big dollars and I get ill from lack of nutrition.

The good thing would be balanced diets each meal. The strange question entering my mind would be, will there be no more gas, farts and number 2’s in the bathroom? Will my insides go stale from lack of use? Will I just shut down?

Hey, we have to look at this new idea from all sides. The serious and the funny parts. We may pop a colorful pill, but life moves on with or without us. Hey, maybe my digestive system would dry up and I would finally lose that extra fat I carry in my abdomen. I could lose an easy ten pounds.

My skin would be softer, my eyes would look brighter. I would spend less time in bed, have more energy. Maybe I could take off ten years on my looks and find me a nice hot guy to date.

Well there are pros and cons to this issue. I will have to investigate the company, consider the benefits for me personally and then listen to the media. We all know how informed the media is, right? LOL

It could work, maybe, possibly. Now the worst case scenario would be, what if I was not allowed decisions? What if the decision is taken a way from me like other possibilities are being taken a way from we the consumers? Would I be forced to give up the fork and spoon? Maybe I would be spiteful and fight back, but then maybe I would die. Sounds bad doesn’t it. I fought the war and I lost. A lot to think about here all about the pills. Maybe it would be different if they were red, white and blue pills. Patriotic? Good for us? Made local? Hmmmmm