Allie stared through the window. Tears running down her cheeks as she looked at the baby. She placed her finger to the glass and outlined his bassinet and his body wrapped in the blue blanket.
I want to keep him. I love him so much already. Why can’t I keep him. This is the only chance I will ever get of having someone of my own to love.
Allie had been involved with actions that were against her will, but as the weeks and months went by she felt movement which caused yearnings in her heart. She walked a way from the glass and went back to her room.
She threw herself down on her bed and sobbed. The nurse walked in and asked,”Are you alright honey? Is there anything physically wrong with you? Oh, I know this just to be one of the hardest things you will ever go through in your life”.
Allie sat up and buried her head in the nurses bosom. She cried like a baby for the loss of life she would never touch. The nurse let her cry until she had quieted and then handed her some tissue to wipe her eyes and her nose.
“I know it is so painful now Allie, but God will heal your heart”. The nurse reached into her pocket and pulled out a pocket-size Bible and opened Allie’s hand and placed it.” This is something I wish for you to have. It is a gift from me. I once depended on this for my own survival in life and now I want you to have it”.
Allie held it and the nurse got up off of the bed and told her, “I have to get back to work honey. If there is anything I can do for you before you leave, don’t hesitate to find me or just put on your call light”. Allie gave her a weak smile and said, “thank-you”.
Allie proceeded to get all of her belongings she had come in with around. She got dressed and sat back down on the bed waiting for her mother to come pick her up. She picked up the small gift that the nurse had given her and flipped through the pages.
She didn’t recognize anything as she had not been brought up in any type of church. She vowed to herself to read it though. If it helped the nurse, it could help her. She walked down to the nursery one more time and gazed through the window at the little boy.
Good-bye little one. I hope that you will understand the truth one day. It wasn’t that I didn’t want you, always believe this. As she walked back towards her room, she saw her mother coming towards her.
Her mother was in a hurry and without much more than a greeting she went straight for Allie’s room and started gathering up the suitcase. “Is there anything else we need to do? Did you double-check to make sure you didn’t leave anything behind? I have to get back to work, and I don’t have time to be coming back here again”.
Allie told her that she had looked everywhere twice and that she was ready to go. Without anymore talk, the two left and went through the front doors out into the cloudy day. It was drizzling outside. It reminded Allie of her own heart. Dismal and dreary.
Her mother tossed her suitcase in the trunk and she and Allie left. Once home and the car emptied her mom left her in silence as she went back to work. Allie sat on the couch, and then laid down and drifted off to sleep.
When she woke up she went to the kitchen and made herself a sandwich. Then she took her suitcase to her bedroom and began to unpack it. All she could think of was,take this pain a way. I want to forget. I don’t want to hurt anymore.
Afterwards she found the little Bible in her purse and she pulled it out. She found the verse that said,for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. That who so ever believeth shall have ever lasting life.
She went back to the beginning and started reading word by word. Some of it she didn’t understand but there were other verses that spoke to her. She heard a car door letting her know that mom was home.
She left her bedroom and headed to the kitchen. Her mom walked through the door looking exhausted. “Did you have a rough afternoon mom?”
” I sure did Allie. They made me bust my rear doing double time for the time I took off to come get you. What have you started for supper? I don’t smell anything cooking”.
“Sorry mom, I was tired too and laid down and took a nap.Then I unpacked my suitcase. I was just getting ready to see what I could fix for us”.
“Well get busy. I’m hungry. I had to work through my lunch time”. With that her mom walked out of the kitchen leaving a worn girl to figure out their meal. Allie ended up making some pancakes along with some scrambled eggs.
She yelled out to her mom that her supper was on the table and she took her own to her room. She wasn’t ready to listen to her mom carry on about her and her day. What about my own day? What about what I just went through? I feel empty inside, alone and my body still hurts.
After supper was over and the kitchen tidied up, her mom went to her bedroom and Allie remained in her own room. It didn’t take her long to finish reading the miniature version of the King James Bible. She went back to areas that had interested her and jotted them down in her diary, so she wouldn’t forget.
With Jesus being the last thing on her mind she fell asleep. Cuddled in her blankets she began to dream. She dreamed of the baby boy she had said good-bye to earlier. She saw her own self crying for his loss. She heard herself crying out for help and then she saw something she had never seen before.
In her dream a tall, gentle man came to her bedside. He had both arms opened to her and said, fear not my child, I am here to help you. Follow me and I will give you peace forever. The smile on his face was comforting and she could feel a sense of peace around her body.
Without thinking she felt her soul
Baby Boy!!! (Photo credit: Shrini Photography)
being lifted out of the bed and she went to him. He took her hand and guided her into the light. It was brighter than the sun. Warm, so peacefully warm. It reminded her of taking a nice bubble bath.
She saw some golden gates that were made out of iron. The man walked her through them and when they were getting closer to the almighty throne he leaned in and whispered to her, I have better and bigger plans for you Allie. You have suffered enough on earth. I have plenty of babies here in my kingdom that need so much love. This is the job I want you to do. Never look back on all of the yesterdays. I will bring you comfort and joy for eternity.
With this being said, she smiled up at him and let him lead the way.
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Who I am 